15 keys to know if he is the love of your life (or not)

Find the love of our life It is one of the great motivations of our existence, and when we are in a relationship, it is possible that we can wonder if the person we are with is really the one we want to spend the rest of our life with life.

But the answer to this question is not always simple, since the concept of love is really complex. In fact, there are many investigations that have been carried out to understand this immense feeling, and the experts have not always agreed when it comes to defining it.

Love and falling in love are concepts that are often confused, and someone whom we can consider as the love of our life at the beginning of the relationship, may not be so after a few years. Because? Because the love of a couple is a socially constructed phenomenon, and we must not forget that the relationship of a couple is still a relationship interpersonal, which can be broken at any moment, taking with it the immense feeling that we may have felt for that person. The love of your life is a love that works, that takes care of itself every day.

• Related article: “What is love? (and what is not)”

The feeling of love is not enough for relationships to last

And it is that relational dynamics influence the maintenance of love, and it is not enough to feel a great attraction towards a person and have many things in common. For the relationship to continue and for that person to become the love of our life, it is necessary to take care of the relationship, do our part and, many times, make the decision to continue together.

Irrational love can be a great drawback for love to succeed, while the mature love or rational has a better chance of staying alive even in bad times. Efficient negotiation and communication, respect and even the self-esteem of the members of the couple help love to win the game in the face of conflicts.

The three key qualities in couple relationships

Psychologists, sociologists, and doctors have tried to understand human behavior toward love. One of the best known researchers in this regard is Robert Sternberg. For him, love is based on three key components: intimacy, passion and commitment. According to your triangle theory of loveFor a person to be the love of your life, they must possess these elements.

Privacy refers to the closeness between the two actors in a relationship. That is, it is the emotional connection, trust and affection that they have for each other. Passion refers to attraction, excitement, the desire to connect and be with the other. Finally, commitment is the decision to be together despite the difficulties that may arise in the relationship.

Sternberg affirms that there are different types of love depending on how these three elements are combined. Love, therefore, can be classified in the following ways:

• Honey: according to the author, this type of love only contains intimacy. It would be a friendship with someone.
• Infatuation: characteristic of relationships that are shallow. There is only passion.
• Empty love: interest is the reason for the two people to be together. there is only commitment.
• Romantic love: there is great physical attraction, but there is a lack of commitment.
• Sociable love: the lack of passion characterizes this type of love. It can happen when, after several years of relationship, loss of interest in intimate relationships.
• Fatuous love: a love that lacks intimacy. People desire each other and may try to date each other, but there is no connection as they are very different and do not share similar tastes.
• Consummate love: it is complete love. It contains the three elements of Sternberg's triangular theory.

Staying with someone is a decision

Before knowing what are the keys that help to detect if the person you are with is the love of your life, it is important to know that in this concept It has a lot to do with cultural influence.. Likewise, knowing if a person is the love of life only makes sense in the present moment, with being well in the here and now. with your partner, since love relationships have to be worked on every day, and there may be periods in which problems arise in the relationship. relationship.

Continuing with someone is a decision that has to do with each one's way of thinking and the way each member of the couple understands relationships. It also has to do with conflict resolution skills of the participants. So in a way it's an individual process. There are people who do not value someone they had at one point in their life, and a few years later, when they have matured, they realize what they have lost.

Keys to know if it is the love of your life

Now, if you feel good with someone, are attracted to you, see him or her in the future, and respect your opinions, that person is possibly the love of your life (at least at that particular moment). Definitely, the love of your life is the one who makes you feel like you are in a healthy relationship and therefore has the following characteristics:

1. is unconditional

The love of your life is unconditional, because respects you and loves you despite the bad times. He does not judge, but accepts.

2. is generous

He is generous and cares about giving. It is a balanced love, in which the two members give and receive equally.

3. He is a negotiator and prone to solving conflicts

Not having conflicts with the love of your life is unreal, because each person has their own opinions and life is not always easy. However, the love of your life he will worry about negotiating and communicating with you to solve any problem that may appear in the relationship.

4. does not make you suffer

Obviously there are bad times and good times in a relationship. But when you find the love of your life, the good times far outweigh the bad times.

5. It is respectful

an authentic love not selfish, because he cares about the needs of his partner. He also takes into account the opinions of the other member and respects them.

6. It feeds on a deep connection

Respect makes you have great confidence with the love of your life. Therefore, the emotional connection is very deep and it flows constantly.

7. is built over time

Infatuation can be based on strong attraction, but over time this attraction can lessen and conflicts over not having enough intimacy and commitment can lead to a breakup. The love of your life is a mature love, which is built little by little.

8. It makes for fun times

The love of your life is an unforgettable love, because it makes you feel good moments. That does not mean that 24 hours a day you have to live in a cloud, but yes, on a global level, satisfaction with the relationship is a reality.

9. feed sexuality

It is not necessary that sexuality be the same as the first days of the relationship, but the love of your life will work so that the flame of passion is not lost.

10. It is detailed

The love of your life is detail-oriented, and these details are not necessarily material. Your true love does not leave you aside, because he works daily so that the relationship does not deteriorate.

11. cares about the relationship

The love of your life is aware that a relationship must be worked on because it goes beyond falling in love. It is an altruistic love.

12. it's realistic

It is a mature love and, therefore, realistic. Do not live by unrealistic expectations nor idealizes the other person. It is a rational love.

13. is honest

There is fluid communication with the love of your life, and great respect. There are no big secrets, because there is nothing to hide.

14. is not dependent

In authentic love, the two members of the relationship are well together and it is not a dependent love, mainly because each one has their own space and a healthy self-esteem.

• Related article: "Emotional dependence: pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"

15. is a support

The love of your life is a support, is a friend with sensual moments. respects you, understands you and you spend good times together.