Why establish personal limits in couple relationships?

Having a romantic partner and building a healthy relationship that is a source of happiness is always presented as one of the most desirable experiences for society in general. However, building a loving relationship on a solid communicative foundation is not always so easy. We do not receive an education focused on emotional and relational management, so on many occasions it is time and experience that gives us the knowledge to relate.

Establishing limits in a relationship means making clear the things or situations with which you agree and disagree with your partner. This establishment is based on the adequate communication of emotions, thoughts and ideas that involve the other person. This makes it easier for ruminations or negative ideas not to remain in the head and facilitates a constant flow of communication to build a relationship based on trust and empathy.

In this article, we are going to reflect on the importance of establishing personal limits in relationships, coming to understand the benefits of doing it and proposing some ways or strategies to carry it out.

• Related article: "What is the goal of couples therapy?"

What are personal boundaries?

Personal limits refer to the borders that we establish with our partner to promote the protection of our physical, emotional and psychological well-being. These limits help us to respect our identity and autonomy, while opening the door for our partner to do the same and develop a communicative and transparent relationship. These limits must be agreed and respected by both parties to avoid falling into toxicity or forms of abuse in the relationship.

Basically, when we establish our personal limits with the people with whom we relate in an affective-sexual way, we are manifesting in turn self-respect and self-care, outlining what a person considers acceptable in terms of interactions, commitments and situations. Establishing these limits means first identifying what situations or factors of the relationship and behavior as a couple we need to adapt to our psychological and emotional needs, to then adequately communicate it to the couple and agree on ways to adapt these limits to the dynamics relational.

Boundaries can be both physical and emotional, and they determine the permission we give other people for emotional closeness, tolerable behaviors, and behaviors that cross boundaries. This facility is essential for relationships as it helps maintain individuality, prevent burnout, and encourage respectful communication. Respecting these limits builds an environment of trust and mutual understanding, contributing to a more balanced and healthy relationship.

• You may be interested in: "6 guidelines to learn to say 'no'"

Why do you have to set them?

Once we have understood what personal limits are in terms of a relationship, it is important to understand the reasons that give importance to the establishment of these limits. Here are some reasons why you should set personal limits in relationships:

1. respect and communication

Setting personal boundaries clearly encourages respect and communication in the relationship because it opens the possibility for both members of a couple to open up emotionally with him/her other Defining these limits means having many conversations in an open and honest way, making it easier for understanding the needs and limits of the other person and cultivating an environment of trust and harmony.

2. conflict prevention

When boundaries are well defined, misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts can be avoided. By outlining what is acceptable and what is not, you reduce the chances of feeling hurt or invaded.. Once the things or situations that can upset or invalidate one person have been communicated, the other person is more likely to have more Be careful not to generate these negative emotions or feelings in your partner, thus avoiding unnecessary conflicts or conflicts that may be excessively harmful.

3. Individual and collective growth

In general, setting healthy boundaries around each other's emotional needs member of a couple promotes their individual autonomy and their growth, both personal and collective. Respect your own limits and know how to communicate them to another person will increase your self-esteem for being able to understand your emotions and respond to them. In addition, mutual respect and consensus in the couple will generate trust and empathy that will foster a relationship based on communication and have a positive impact on our psychology.

Ways to set limits

As you may have seen, establishing personal limits in relationships is vital to building a healthy relationship and avoiding toxicity. It is important to trust your partner and make it a safe space to communicate your emotions and insecurities. However, It is not always easy to establish this communication. Next and as a conclusion, we propose some practical ways to do it:

1. self knowledge

Start by understanding your own needs, values, and limits. Reflect on what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable in a relationship and be honest with yourself.

2. set priorities

Determine which aspects of your life are non-negotiable and which can be flexible. This will help you differentiate between what you are willing to accept and what you are not.

3. define consequences

It is important to establish the possible consequences if your limits are crossed. This provides clarity and emphasizes the seriousness of your limitations and helps you develop behaviors that prepare for what may happen.

4. learn to say no

Don't be afraid to say "no" when something is not within your limits. Practicing refusing requests politely but firmly can help you build a strong self-esteem and recognize your own emotions.

5. Observe the warning signs

If you feel like your limits are constantly being ignored, it's a red flag.. Reevaluate the relationship and consider if it is healthy for you and think about what you should talk to this person about it.

6. adjustments and flexibility

Relationships evolve over time. Review your limits periodically and adjust as necessary, but make sure any changes are mutually agreed upon.

• Related article: "Social inflexibility: what is it and how to overcome it?"

7. seek support

If you find it difficult to set or maintain limits, seek support from friends, therapists, or counselors. Sometimes an outside perspective can be very helpful, and it's important to recognize that we can't always fix all of our problems on our own.