Sociable love: what it is and how it affects our relationships

Love is a great source of satisfaction but also of conflicts. Is about a universal feeling surrounded by complexities; no two people experience it the same way. This difference leads to numerous and different disagreements in couples.

Also, loving someone can cause a lot of internal turmoil. Therefore, many poetic and theatrical works speak of this universal feeling and try to explain it by highlighting its difficulties. But not only artists are interested in love and its complexities...

From the field of psychology, an attempt has also been made to understand love through different investigations and hypotheses. What's more, in the last century, several rational theories about love have appeared that try to approach it in an understandable way.

The triangular theory of love states that all love relationships are based on the presence or absence of love. three characteristic elements: intimacy, commitment and passion, which are located at the ends of a triangle. According to this idea promoted by the psychologist Robert Sternberg; Existing forms of love can be described and defined according to which of these components they possess, and consummate love -to which we aspire- contains all three in equal balance.

sociable love It is part of one of the 7 ways of loving that Robert Sternberg identifies. This type of love is found in relationships that feature intimacy and commitment, but no passion. We can say that beyond passionate love, relationships that are based on the type of love sociable share a series of unbreakable agreements, which have been established over the years. the years.

In this article we try to understand this type of love -based on intimacy and commitment- that It may be the key to lasting couples over time, beyond the first years of falling in love.

• Related article: "Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love"

What is sociable love?

Sociable love is defined as a lasting form of love that builds over time and is characterized by the interdependence of the members of the couple, where feelings of intimacy and commitment predominate.

Because this love occurs and develops over time, it usually occurs in couples who have been together for many years, it usually occurs in marriages with children or with a long history behind it. From the perspective of the triangular theory of love by Robert J. According to Sternberg, these types of relationships have a high degree of intimacy and commitment.

Commitment derives from long-term promises in which the other can trust that we will always be there, no matter what. Maintaining a relationship through both good times and bad is necessary for this type of stable love. This component includes the decision to love someone for a long time.

Within a relationship there are emotions that arise from a feeling of closeness. The intimacy component refers to the desire to share, give and receive. This occurs within a relationship when feelings of affection, connection and bond with the other are experienced.

In these respects, sociable love is distinguished from passionate love. Passion is often considered the ideal component of love and romance. However, this kind of movie love can be dangerous when it is not accompanied by intimacy or commitment.

Many people feel great passion at the beginning of their relationship, but it fades over time if there is no confidence to overcome bad times together. Commitment occurs when a bond has been formed that goes beyond initial love.. You need to focus on this component, rather than just passion, if you want to enjoy a long-term relationship.

Passion for someone produces a strong physical and mental attraction. But without intimacy and trust between two people, romantic relationships are hard to maintain. Romantic love fades faster than sociable love, since this type of passionate love does not include the intimacy component.

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How does sociable love manifest itself?

Romantic relationships where there is a commitment can last a lifetime. However, whether they are successful depends as much on the personalities of the people involved as on the life stages. Also, some people believe that passion is essential to life; this can put them at risk of seeking new romantic adventures as the years go by.

sociable love It is similar to the relationship experienced by two close friends, who have lived and overcome many things together. However, this type of love is not like empty love, which is based only on obligation or commitment. The connection and complicity between two people who enjoy sociable love is tremendous. Each part of the couple sees in the other the person they trust the most and is the one with whom they decide to share life; including its good and bad points.

Couples based on sociable love enjoy great mutual understanding that arises from the passing of the years and from overcoming different difficulties. They support and care for each other on a deep level, choosing each other every day, they are also capable of being vulnerable and sharing dreams and achievements as well as failures.

In sociable love, the two members of the couple are closely connected and provide great stability and security. Both share a common life project and a perspective for the future.

• Related article: "What is social psychology?"

Biochemistry of social love

Love in all its forms is fueled by chemistry. Helen Fisher, a well-known anthropologist, claims that humans have evolved three separate brain systems. Each of these systems is directed by specific associated neurochemicals. Testosterone causes passion; dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin are at the origin of romance; and oxytocin and vasopressin cause attachment.

High levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin, known as the love cocktail, occur early in the relationship and usually do not last more than a few years at best. Luckily, the chemicals in the hug (oxytocin and vasopressin) last longer.

This causes people to feel a greater attachment over the years thanks to the release of hormones. Thus, the biochemistry that creates the attachment system that sustains a long-term love relationship replaces the biochemistry of euphoric romantic love in the early years of the relationship. As we see, the chemistry of passionate love is ephemeral; its changeable nature suggests that it will eventually evolve into a more stable mature love.

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Do I know how to rebuild passion?

Passion can fade from relationships that last a long time. However, it is not something that by definition only exists at the beginning of meeting someone; this can be rebuilt proactively.

While building a relationship is always difficult and comes with many challenges, many couples make it through the initial and waning phases of passion with success. This element must be rebuilt several times in the course of a lifetime together. However, the good news is that couples who have already passed this test once have a better chance of doing it again.

Although, if we live in a sociable love bond and we would like to develop the absent passionate component; there are a series of keys that can help us achieve it. Sharing new and exciting experiences has been shown to cause the same neurological effects in the brain as romantic love.

This suggests that rebuilding the passion between couples requires us to make changes in our daily routine, these Changes can include: facing a new challenge together, learning a new skill or playing a sport. Risky activities give participants the opportunity to feel shame, which helps strengthen the bond, in addition to sharing quality time. There are also small ideas that can help us reconnect with passion, for example, watching a movie to feel and share together what the characters experience and their emotions.

Some believe that romance can also be forced by going back to the initial stages of courtship. You can try to make the couple fall in love again with an intimate dinner or a weekend getaway. Once we find the spark, it's important to keep it going. It is essential to commit to trying new experiences or enjoying shared moments.