5 differences between love and infatuation

Falling in love is a whirlwind of emotions so intense that sometimes people experience a feeling that they are not in control of anything they do or say and that they are defenseless. This sense of chaos usually extends to your ability to analyze your own feelings for that person as well.

And it is that although love is something important, that does not mean that we are well prepared to identify it where it occurs. That is why it is very useful know the main differences between love and infatuation.

• Related article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

Main differences between infatuation and love

If we have to create a theoretical distinction between infatuation and falling in love, this could be the following: in infatuation we are not attracted by the person, but by the idea that we have formed of that person, based largely on inventions and self-deception.

Thus, while in love, despite the fact that the emotional bond is also basically irrational, it is based on the experiences lived together and not on the fictions, in the infatuation there is a kind of falling in love with a person who really only exists in our head and who superficially resembles someone real. That means that the only thing that the person who really exists gives us

It's her looks and her superficial appeal.

However… How to distinguish between infatuation and falling in love on a day-to-day basis? For this, theoretical definitions are not very useful, taking into account that knowing how to recognize these phenomena in our day to day is complicated, and more when a part of our rationality has been kidnapped by the emotions.

Fortunately, there are some discoveries that allow us to find concrete differences between falling in love and being infatuated. Let's see what they are.

1. eye contact

Something as simple as looking into each other's eyes in a sustained manner is capable of reinforcing lasting affective bonds, such as those that are characteristic of love. That's why the time that passes establishing mutual eye contact spontaneously it is an indicator of the strength of love ties. In fact, in the types of attraction based simply on the physical, the gaze is directed more to other areas of the body, especially those that have an erotic charge.

By the way, the reinforcement of love ties through the action of looking into each other's eyes occurs even between humans and some of the pets they care for, as you can see in this article: "Can love exist between species? Research supports "yes"".

2. You use the "we" almost as much as the "I"

Love is not only reflected in what we do, but also has an effect on what we say; both in the content of our speech, and in the ways in which we express it. That is why it makes sense to look at if the first person plural is used more than normal when talking about how you feel about the relationship.

This indicates that they have gone from a totally personal perspective to another in which what is shared has gained importance. Something else is spoken from the point of view of the couple, an entity that is more than the sum of two people independent of each other.

3. your personalities are similar

Contrary to popular culture claims, opposite poles do not attract, or at least statistically they don't tend to during long-term relationships. The difficulties involved in having a long relationship with someone whose habits, customs and behavior patterns are far from our own wear down relationships a lot.

However, it is not uncommon to fall in love with people very different from oneself, since they present an exotic component that, at first glance, generates interest and curiosity, or even a touch of exclusivity due to the "rarity" of the other person.

• Related article: "Do opposites really attract?"

4. You have related very little and you already fantasize about the relationship

The defining element of infatuation is idealization. Since little is known about the other person, we fill in the knowledge gaps about them with utterly optimistic fantasies about them. And, although we do not realize it, these fantasies go on to mark the way in which we perceive the actions of that person; That is why something that we would find ridiculous if our cousin did it seems adorable to us if that special someone does it.

Furthermore, there is evidence that part of the special attractiveness attributed to other people comes simply from the fact that they are "new", we did not know them before and They come at a time when we are predisposed to find a partner. This is closely related to a psychological phenomenon observed in mammals in general: the coolidge effect, which seeks to have relationships with new individuals.

5. Are you okay with sacrificing yourself for the relationship?

In infatuation it is less frequent to show a predisposition to make sacrifices for the relationship, while in love it is relatively normal in statistical terms. However, it is important to note that It is not about sacrifices for the other person, but for the relationship, the unit that forms the emotional bond that unites these people. Otherwise, it would always be the same person who would commit his time, his resources and his efforts to do favors for the other, so we would be talking about a toxic relationship asymmetric.