Paz Holguín: "You have to anticipate that this Christmas will not be the same"

For the first time, we are going to spend some Christmas holidays in which we are immersed in a global pandemic like never before.

This has logistical implications when trying to continue with the traditions of these dates in in which a good part of the country participates, such as the Christmas markets, performances, parades in the street, etc However, the COVID-19 crisis also affects that part of Christmas that is more intimate, small and familiar. To learn more about the psychological effects that Christmas can have in times of coronavirus, we interviewed the psychologist Paz Holguín, specialist in treating emotional problems in people of all ages.

• Related article: "Grief: coping with the loss of a loved one"

Interview with Paz Holguín: how to face Christmas in times of pandemic

Paz Holguín is an expert psychologist in cognitive-behavioral therapy, and she sees patients of all ages in her office located in Las Rozas and also through online therapy services by video call, especially useful in times of COVID-19. In this interview she talks to us about how the health crisis can mark our Christmas.

@professional (2061676, "Looking for psychotherapy services?")

Why does celebrating or not celebrating Christmas influence the emotional well-being of many people?

Well, in the end, it has a lot to do with how these parties at home have been experienced and perceived since we were little, with how we experience them as adults or with what we like.

If we live these dates understanding that it is an obligation to be with family, that it is an obligation to give gifts, that it is an obligation to have dinner with friends... and we are people who do not like these types of activities, Christmas will be times that emotionally cause us discomfort and discomfort. On the contrary, if we enjoy these activities, it will be a time that helps us to be well, to disconnect and enjoy.

Is it usual for the fact of spending the Christmas holidays alone to negatively affect even people who are not Christians, if they live in the bosom of a family that historically professes this religion?

Obviously it depends on the specific case but, in general, Christian families live these dates in a very special way and this is learned within families. The importance of being together and giving thanks, whether or not they profess the same spiritual belief, leaves an important mark on all the members of these families.

The human being needs to be able to predict what is going to happen in his life in order to adapt adequately, and uncertainty generates anxiety, fear, hopelessness, anguish, etc. The uncertainty that marks this year of pandemic may be intensified at this time, since our trips, meetings and leisure are still in question and it is something that we will not be able to check.

Faced with a situation in which the elderly are the ones who most need to protect themselves from contagion and at the same time those who tend to suffer the worst cope with the use of computers and smartphones, what can be done to prevent hundreds of thousands of older people from feeling alone during these dates?

It is true that the current situation forces the elderly, and those of us who are next to them, to carry the strict security measures, and that they are the ones who have the most problems dealing with the technology. I think it's a wonderful time to resume some lost habits with which they are very familiar, letters among them.

I don't need technology to communicate with someone, and receive a handwritten letter with a photograph inside the family has an added value that current technological communications do not have: I can smell it, touch it, save it in a drawer... In addition, it is a very nice experience to write a letter for the grandparents with the children. I assure you that many of them will be surprised when they see that, by putting the letter in the mailbox, it reaches its destination.

Unfortunately there are many elderly people who are alone, so a very healthy initiative at the psychological, both for the receiver and for the sender, is to write to residences giving support to people greater. This makes them feel that they are not alone and that society thanks her for her legacy and remembers her. There are also volunteer programs in which they are helped by telephone, listening to them and assisting them.

We can also lend our help to our own neighbors. With small details like going to buy bread or walking their pets, we can send them the message that they are not alone.

Taking into account that many people have lost family members during the pandemic and have not even been able to attend a wake or to a funeral, is this Christmas a time when you can carry out farewell rituals adapted to the circumstances?

Yeah. Unfortunately, there are many people who have not been able to say goodbye to their loved ones or bury them, and this process dehumanizes A whole ritual that in our society helps us to be able to correctly manage this sadness and prevent this mourning from becoming chronic. Therefore, creating new rituals adapted to this circumstance can help to start managing that pain in a healthier way.

If we have not been able to say goodbye to the person, the family can write a letter saying goodbye to them and then read it, or do a small ceremony even at home. If there are religious beliefs in the family or in the immediate context, you can choose a prayer and dedicate it to them. Any act that you feel can appease the pain.

What can be done from psychotherapy to help people who feel especially lonely in the face of Christmas in times of coronavirus?

Probably the best way to help the population is through psychoeducation. Just as every part of society has done its bit in this pandemic, psychotherapists can also support these people.

There are volunteer groups and psychotherapist campaigns dedicated to providing help precisely to this group of people who are alone on these dates, but perhaps the greatest work we can do is to try to provide efficient and effective resources to the population with our messages.

Provide people with minimal resources so that they too can help effectively: teach how to listen to a person, teach what not to say (the famous "don't worry") and what if, teach to focus or just help people to connect with their patience when another person just needs to be heard.

From a more individual part, the work of the therapists involves trying to give the patient a new meaning from which to look at her situation, to help you understand what you are experiencing from another perspective, so that all the efforts that are being made by everyone have sense.

And what can we do at the individual and family level, beyond the field of intervention of psychologists? What advice should be taken into account to spend Christmas in the best possible way, adapting to the circumstances?

The first tip is to anticipate that these Christmas parties will not be the same. If at first we understand that we are not going to be able to do what we did on other Christmases, we will have a large part of the work achieved. It is important, because it will allow us to find alternative solutions that cover the needs that we have these holidays.

For example, if I can't go to my grandparents' house to sing Christmas carols with them, maybe we can go sing the Christmas carol for the whole family so they can see us from the balcony.

On the other hand, when we live in situations of stress or high activation like the one we have now, we tend to forget two things. On the one hand, that at some point this situation is going to end, and on the other hand, that we have already had situations distressing or stressful past, perhaps worse than this in some cases, and that we have managed to get out of they.

On the other hand, we must try to find a sufficiently strong base that will help us give an explanation and meaning to all the efforts we are making. If doing things we find a powerful "why", it will help us control the situation internally and calm our anguish.

Finally, this is a good opportunity to connect with what Christmas really is and thus find a new sense and meaning from which we can live it with more joy.