Toxic marriages: 10 signs to detect them

Getting married and starting a family is an objective and desire of many people, since the idea of ​​getting married is practically a social level imposition. But marriage, in many cases, can be a very rewarding experience. Undoubtedly, finding that person who makes you so happy and with whom you can spend the rest of your life by her side is truly sensational.

However, marriages don't always go as expected, and the suffering they cause while one lives this type of toxic relationship It can seriously affect your emotional health. Toxic marriages exist, and in this article we explain 11 signs to detect them.

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

Signs to detect a toxic marriage

A toxic marriage is one in which the rights of some member of the relationship seem to disappear, and the relationship is characterized by constant suffering and conflict. It is common that when people live immersed in this toxic situation, they are not really aware of it, in largely due to inertia, habit and because, in many cases, there is a certain emotional dependence on the spouse.

Below you can find a list of signs that indicate if you are living in a toxic marriage. However, it is necessary to emphasize that all couples can go through bad stages and that the manifestation of any of these characteristics in a timely manner does not necessarily refer to a toxic marriage. That being said, the signs to detect a toxic marriage are the following.

1. Emotional dependency and codependency

The emotional dependence it turns the marriage into an asymmetrical relationship, and causes one of the two members to gain ground and exert control over the other. The cause of this phenomenon is usually found in the insecurity of the dependent person, who is unable to connect with herself, and her happiness depends on others, causing a great fixation or addiction to the couple.

Emotional codependency, on the other hand, despite being a phenomenon just as harmful as the previous one, occurs when a member of the partner is "addicted" to his partner's dependence, that is, to the need to help him and worry about his welfare. He's sort of controlling and manipulative, but quieter. Both phenomena interfere with the proper functioning of the marriage and, therefore, cause a lot of pain to the spouses..

• Related article: “11 characteristic symptoms of emotional codependency”

2. Possessive and controlling behaviors

In toxic marriages there are certain behaviors of control and possession on the part of one of the members of the couple. This exerts a great influence on the other, who loses his voice and opinion in the relationship and observes how his freedom is affected. For example, marriage decisions are usually made by a single member, who controls the accounts and expenses of the other and even her social networks. All decisions go through him, and he tends to be aggressive if the other gives his opinion on the matter.

3. limited social life

Limited social life is also characteristic of toxic marriages, so that one or both members of the couple stop having close ties with other people. This can occur as a consequence of the aforementioned control behaviors, but also due to excessive emotional dependence or fixation on the partner. Healthy behaviors are those in which partners continue to maintain their own space, and that includes, among other things, having their own friends.

4. lattice

One of the toxic behaviors that causes the most damage in marriages is jealousy. Low self-esteem is usually one of the origins of this type of behavior, which cause inaccurate beliefs about reality to emerge in the mind of the jealous person and, consequently, they carry out obsessive behaviors. Jealousy causes suffering to both spouses, and over time it turns the marriage into hell.

To a greater or lesser extent it is possible to experience a certain degree of jealousy when we care about someone. But in a marriage of this type, toxic jealousy can manifest itself, for example, with behaviors such as: when a spouse constantly asks about the schedules and questions the facts of her partner, he gets angry when the other spends time with friends, controls Facebook messages secretly and is even capable of going out in search of the other spouse when he doubts his word of him

5. frequent conflicts

Logically, all these previous points lead to frequent conflicts. But, in addition, communication in this type of marriage is usually inefficient and, therefore, can cause serious relational problems. In a toxic relationship, there is no climate of tolerance and reconciliation is not encouraged, quite the contrary: the problem tends to grow and the suffering increases.

6. makes you suffer

Therefore, toxic marriages cause a lot of suffering and pain.. And the more time you spend in this type of relationship, the worse the consequences can be on an emotional level or on the self-esteem of one of the two spouses. Since the relationship is asymmetrical, it is inevitable that suffering will appear.

7. Handling

Manipulative behaviors and emotional blackmail appear frequently in toxic marriages, because one of the two members acts in accordance with their interests, and blames, bothers and causes fear to the other.

The causes of these behaviors can be varied, although they are usually due to low self-esteem, which makes one of the two Spouses constantly seek confirmation of their partner's love, provoking demonstrations that the other person does not will leave.

• To deepen this topic, I invite you to read our article: “Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple”

8. Loss of personal growth

People who live immersed in a toxic marriage stop growing as people. Either because they are emotionally dependent, because suffering overwhelms them, or because they have fragile self-esteem. The truth is that they leave aside personal development behaviors and drown in the toxic dynamics of marriage.

9. Disrespect

Respect is basic in any type of relationship, be it a couple, family or friendship. When respect is lost, it is impossible for the relationship to work and for the spouses to be happy in marriage.. Lack of respect can manifest itself in different ways, for example: when one of the members of the marriage constantly humiliates the other both in public and in private or is simply not interested in the achievements of his couple.

10. relationship obsession

Toxic relationships end up becoming a vicious circle from which it is difficult to get out. Low self-esteem and emotional dependence mean that, despite suffering, the spouses continue together, eroding the relationship more and more.

They can become obsessed with the relationship, so that no one breathes and there is neither respect nor communication and, therefore, love disappears and conflicts are present again and again.