How to feel love for your partner again like the first day

Many of the people who have been immersed in a relationship for a long time reach a point where they they feel how that illusion typical of the beginnings of falling in love is fading.

It is not something abnormal, nor a phenomenon that speaks ill of the quality of the affective bond; It's just something that happens frequently as the months and years go by. That feeling of adventure and of discovering a new way of seeing life is losing strength, even though we cannot identify a specific problem with that courtship or marriage.

However... it's possible to feel again that love for the couple that we experienced during the first stage of the relationship? While by definition every moment in life is unique, in many cases, there are ways to bring romance back into full swing. Let's see how to do our part to achieve it.

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When the illusion of the first days of romance is gone

When a relationship begins, the experience that is lived is strongly related to the illusion

and the feeling that there are great moments waiting for us. This implies certain doses of stress, but normally it is about being healthy, present in the right measure to keep us on edge, pending how that courtship will develop.

In addition, learning little by little about what the person we feel love for is also something exciting in itself, and even more so taking into account that through their point of view view we also learn things about ourselves (which, moreover, tend to be positive, given the "optimistic" and idealizing biases typical of those who have fallen in love recently).

The emotional comfort zone

Now, although at the beginning of the relationship everything is discoveries, little by little the relationship as a couple settles in habits and routines that give it stability.

This not only has the effect of consolidating the relationship and having a space in which to stay on a day-to-day basis (for example, through rituals such as always having breakfast and dinner together); Furthermore, it has an indirect, but determining effect on our ways of feeling and thinking. Specifically, a kind of comfort zone related to everything that has to do with that relationship is created.

Thus, the price of making the love relationship stabilize and have the material means to prosper (through shared habits and common material resources) is to see how those exciting situations disappear and, with them, a part of the satisfaction that is felt by courtship or marriage.

The cause of this is usually varied, but it is believed to have to do with two basic factors: the simple passage of time and the repetition of habits and "mental routes" from which one thinks about the couple and the role that oneself plays in she. In this last element we can intervene, to make us see the first one from another perspective.

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From falling in love to routine

It must be borne in mind that couple relationships are fundamentally the union of three elements: memories, and styles of interaction between two people, that is, habits lived in common. When we consciously or unconsciously evaluate our relationships as a couple, we do so based on the memories we have of them (both the both the oldest and the most recent, from the same day) and in them common habits play a very important role, since they structure that narration.

With the passage of time, by force, the simple probability causes several unpleasant, anxiety-generating or simply uncomfortable experiences that we will live together with the other person.

In addition, many of them do not have to be the fault of our partner, but are part of phenomena external to it: a domestic problem with the home facilities, a family crisis with the parents, etc However, even if neither member of the couple is responsible for these situations, those memories will remain there and will inevitably affect our way of perceiving the relationship.

Problems sleeping in a double bed, a bad relationship with a father-in-law, the need to manage household expenses... They are elements that are part of everyday life but that, although we do not realize it, we associate with memories labeled as "love and love life as a couple", in generalhe. Those memories won't just consist of weekend outings to get to know each other better, or romantic walks along the pier: in They will also include the cleaning tasks in the bathroom, the stress crises that the other person has experienced due to having a lot of work, etc Everyday destroys any fairy tale.

Getting love in a couple to emerge again as at the beginning

Several researchers have proposed the idea that, since our memories and our unconscious learning of what life as a couple really is affect to the way in which we experience love, one way to invigorate the latter is to reinforce the presence of positive memories that we can associate with that relationship loving.

Since our memory is very malleable, we can make those pleasant experiences become more and more important just evoking those memories and, of course, doing our part to make those specific memories abundant and emotionally charged; that means that we must move and enrich our lives as a couple. In this way, when we think about the relationship as a couple, in the end our attention will go only towards those exciting moments and that really capture the raison d'être of that courtship or marriage.