Why am I wrong when looking for a partner?

First dates are very important because the first impression we make on someone we have just met will have a great influence on the chances of seeing each other more times.

That we should not trust first impressions is a well-known maxim, known in theory but not exercised in practice. In addition, there is the issue that you can always make mistakes that, regardless of whether they were the first time or the other times that we meet our potential partner, ruined the relationship.

They are various frequent mistakes when looking for a partner, those who make the possibility of ever seeing that person disappear again, who, at first, seemed to have liked us so well. Let's discover them to avoid committing them!

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Common mistakes when looking for a partner

It has happened to all of us from having met someone we met on a dating app or a night in a bar, we met him or her and, later, we never heard from that person again. It is inevitable that after this we wonder from time to time

what could have gone wrong, what did we do or say to make that person lose interest in us.

It is said a lot that you do not have to trust first impressions, but the truth is that it is difficult not to fall into this trap as soon as you meet someone. Whether you like it or not, The first thing we perceive of a person will have a great influence on how we see them from now on, which is why, and thinking of ourselves, we must always be careful with what we say or do on our first dates. If you make mistakes on that first date, chances are there won't be a second.

There are many gaffes that we can commit in our search for love. The first date can be a fluid event that will end in good results or, on the contrary, it can end in disaster. It all depends on what those who attended such an appointment do, and if they made any of the frequent mistakes when looking for a partner that follows.

1. Idealize the first date

It is frequent that we are optimistic with the person with whom we have stayed and we already think about a future with him. It is normal to consider possible future scenarios in which the two of you are already a couple, but we should not anticipate or obsess about it.

Obsessing that every time we meet someone, that is going to be the definitive person, in addition to being very naive, is something that will end up ruining the relationship even before it has started.

The appointment will go as it will, maybe good or bad, if we idealize it and it does not come to fruition we will end very frustrated, sinking into misery and not putting much effort into meeting new people in the next few weeks.

2. Show despair

Being desperate is understandable if we have not found anyone special despite having tried for months and months. However, that may be our problem, that we are very desperate.

Desperation is not an attractive trait. Seeing that a person is eager to find a partner does not inspire much confidenceIn addition to the fact that the other person will find it impossible not to think about what we have done wrong so that we have not been lucky in love even though it is obvious that we have tried.

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3. Being overconfident

We must be careful with whom we trust. It cannot be that, as soon as we meet someone, in just one week we will already be telling her everything about ourselves, no matter how long we spend with her. This can be interpreted as that our concept of privacy is very lax, revealing personal things to anyone.

4. Do not watch what you talk about

Choosing the topics of conversation on our first date is a fundamental aspect to get to know and develop a relationship of trust with the other person. We must be very careful with what we are talking about, but without closing ourselves off to any question that our appointment asks us.

You cannot always talk about intimacies, but you should not resort to superficial issues such as the weather or how beautiful the walls of the restaurant are.

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5. Talk about your previous relationships

Forget talking about your past and the intimacies that you lived with your previous relationships. Let's face it now: talking about what we did with our ex-partner is neither sexy nor romantic. Nobody worth their salt wants to date someone who keeps talking about their previous relationship because, basically, it can be interpreted as that the breakup has not been overcome.

First we must focus on the person in front of us, think of a "we" as a whole in the present and what interests us in the short-term future, ignoring the fact that previously we already lived love experiences that did not work. Once you and your date get to know each other better, you will be able to address the deeper details of your respective life histories, including also what happened to your previous relationships.

6. Treat the waiters badly

Some say that a person is truly known by the way he treats those who are in his service, like a waiter. And not just the waiters, but the employees of any store or his own subordinates.

The example of the waiter is the one that best fits with the love world, since many dates occur in restaurants. If on our date the first time we meet someone he sees us treat the waiter in a way that he does not like there probably won't be a second time.

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7. Go overboard with alcohol

It is true that not having a beer or glass of wine can be perceived as being too straight and boring, but the truth is that we must not forget that alcohol is a drug and that it should not be abused. At most, we can take the socially accepted minimum, without going overboard.

Too much alcohol puts you in a position where you don't control what you say or what you do. If you take more than you can handle, you may be showing yourself too vulnerable or on the contrary have aggressive behaviors, both situations extremely bad for the development of a first appointment. Alcohol plays tricks and we should not allow it to play with us.

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8. Talk only about yourself

When dating, avoid falling into the temptation to only talk about yourself. Naturally, we will have to make ourselves known and explain who we are, what we do, what our hobbies are and other things like that; Nevertheless, we should not become the center of the conversation Because at the end of the day it is a date, a dialogue to get to know each other, not a soliloquy.

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9. Talk about marriage and children

It may sound obvious, but getting ahead on the first date with such momentous issues as getting married or having children is a very, very bad sign. There are people who want to get married and others do not, but all of them share that they do not want to do it with someone they just met. There are many other topics to talk about, much less scary topics than when you want to get married or how many children you want to have.

10. Believe that your date should give you happiness

Leaving the responsibility for your happiness to the other person is never a good option. The only thing we will do is make you feel pressured and we will put you on a commitment. No one owes us happiness, but we are the ones who should look for it in the positive things that make up our lives.

Naturally, when we are looking for a partner we want that person to bring us happiness, but we must understand that this will happen when have established a relationship of trust, intimacy and mutual respect, not when we start dating someone and only have encounters casual.

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11. Being too insecure

In the first dates we should not show an air of superiority and of being better than everyone else because nobody likes pedantic and unbearable people. But, also, we must be careful about being too humble, because we can fall into error of showing ourselves too insecure and submissive, something that is not attractive to the vast majority of the people. Showing low self-esteem repels any opportunity to have a partner. The negativism always backs off.