Communication, Relationships and NLP: Complex Equivalences

As we have already commented in other articles where we have addressed Neuro-Linguistic Programming, getting to know it allows you to improve in various facets of life, being one in which it especially helps, that of communication; and, by extension, an improvement in inter and intra personal communication will make it possible to establish better relationships with others.

In this article we want to try and explain one of the foundations of NLP that allow us to understand why do misunderstandings occur or why do we say that "they don't understand me" in interpersonal relationships. With this we will understand that many of these situations are not produced so much by a problem to express themselves, but rather have a more complex and internal origin.

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complex equivalences

The term complex equivalences itself seems like a kind of mathematical theory, but the truth is that it is a foundation that every person should know in order to better understand themselves and especially others the rest.

The "equivalences" really refers to the values. That is, to those rules or principles that are important to each one, that govern their life, and that are the ones for which it usually moves and acts. Examples of these values ​​are love, respect, freedom, commitment...

The "complex" thing comes precisely because, although they are universal values, it is not so much how we each identify them. In other words, the way in which my boss can understand what commitment to the company is, is in one way and it can be very different from how I understand it. Each one with his life learning, his beliefs, has established a meaning for that commitment value and acts accordingly.

The way in which one understands values ​​and the priority given to them in his life is the key to many misunderstandings. If for one of the parties in a sentimental couple love is calling the other person several times a day, but for the other another is to kiss you when you get home, it is clear that the phrase "he doesn't understand me" will be very common in that relationship.

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Define your complex equivalences and improve relationships

To eliminate misunderstandings of this type in our lives and, especially, to establish balanced relationships in all areas, both personal and professional, the key is to work, therefore, these complex equivalences.

This can be done, broadly speaking, in 3 fundamental steps:

• Define the values ​​that move you, that are most important in your life.
• Specify concretely what you need to do or have others do to truly honor them. Thus, in the case of the example that we have discussed previously about commitment, for the boss, being Committed to the company, it may be that his workers do everything he asks when he need. For a worker, the commitment may be to do her job correctly.
• Learn to express to others how you want them to act based on your values. And, of course, learn to ask others for the concrete actions they expect from you to honor theirs.

Knowing and working with complex equivalences is useful for anyone because it will allow them to improve their relationships and communication with others. But for people who work in human assistance and accompaniment it is also a plus, to be able to perform their work better because it allows opening a broader horizon of understanding of the other.

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Learn the fundamentals of NLP

It is essential to know the fundamentals of NLP, including these complex equivalences that we have seen, in order to be able to understand and correctly apply the different techniques and tools that Neuro-Linguistic Programming has.

In D'Arte Human Business School We are concerned that the NLP training that we teach at school these fundamentals are carefully studied so that people who learn Neuro-Linguistic Programming with us know it in its entirety, and not just some dynamics and techniques. This is possible because we are the only school that has one of the co-creators of NLP itself as a trainer: Frank Pucelik. This is a guarantee of a first level approach to this matter.