It is not the absence of problems that makes us happy.

The other day I asked a colleague: “what's up? How are you?" as we each walked the opposite way down the hall. She half-smiled as we crossed paths and, without saying a word, I noticed that her eyes were scratched... At that moment I made a pause in my walk, I stopped and reached out my hand to touch her shoulder as a sign of affection and support, in case she wanted to share something; almost immediately she burst into tears.

“I can not anymore, Alia. I can not anymore". Her words were faltering, and her weeping turned into successive tears; although she made the effort to contain them, she couldn't, she was uncontrollable. Ana was inconsolable. At that precise moment I realized that it was her: Ana, the one who always has a word of encouragement for others, an unwavering optimism.

Living on autopilot

The days go by and we are dealing with life, with the issues that we have to attend to, as we come and go in our circumstances.: doing what 'has to be done', going up, down, going in, going out, solving... work, the house, the children, the partner, the family in general, the father or the mother or both. Aspects that require attention and affection.

And we can, and we do it without even asking ourselves how we are inside. We know we are capable of facing the multiple challenges of everyday life and moving forward. Because so far we have.

And I wonder where are we ourselves? Where is "I" as a human being who feels and suffers and has the right to feel how he is?

The importance of psychological self-care

We are not do and undo machines. We are not automatons that solve the events of life. Have emotions. We feel. We are human beings who “carry” our backpack with our days of life: each day lived in our skin, our own history; unique, non-transferable.

Today we have a sense of ourselves because we have lived each of those experiences that we have faced (or not). And we have every right to feel the way we feel: either euphoric and full of energy or exhausted and not wanting to continue.

For me, this meeting with Ana is an example of what happens to us inside and we do not pay attention because life passes us by. And there is no time to look inside to stay a few minutes... Just a few minutes! in what hurts, or what exhausts, or what angers, or even what makes us happy and we like it.

That's why I wonder if well-being is the lack of problems. A resounding "no" is my answer. After so many years accompanying people of different cultures, races, genders and economic, political, sexual, social conditions and a long etcetera of diversity... I can only say "no". It is not the absence of problems that makes us happy; it is the ability to face them, which we can learn, first of all and above all, by listening to ourselves.

A life worth living

The general well-being that we individually feel has a basic ingredient: knowing oneself, listening to oneself, also accepting negative emotions, be open to what happens to us, whatever it is. It is being well with that part of us that IS, knowing that regardless of what we go through and lead us to BE better or worse, we remain aware of ourselves, of what we think, feel and perceive, and we embrace it as part of indisputable.

It is here where psychology and psychotherapy They can add something to your life. It is already known that historically there has been a taboo regarding visiting a psychologist. It is no longer about "being crazy", it is about "actively wanting" to be better. To have the courage to take responsibility for how I feel and want to make the most of it.

Psychotherapists accompany a wide range of situations that are "normal". The usual thing should be to be able to talk to 'anyone' about what happens to me 'inside', about what weighs me down, what disturbs me or what I cannot (because we have the right not to be able to). But sometimes we can't find how or with whom to do it. We believe that we are the only ones who are feeling or thinking 'that', when in reality all human beings have so many things in common that go inside... Social expectation limits us and we become superheroes in our own lives (and/or in the lives of others).

Eye! That can also be very good for a moment, a specific situation, a concrete circumstance because it helps us to continue, it helps to overcome extreme situations that day-to-day gives us. The problem arises when we make it a habit.

Let's remember that it also strengthens the power to look straight at what is happening inside; go inward to observe and stop in the traces of the passage of time, life and our experiences. This allows us to heal them to continue walking lighter, without so much emotional charge that is 'overloaded' by not attending to it.

To end…

The well-being that the psychotherapy is nothing more than to be heard, to feel accompanied while you look inward, even what you don't like; there is no judgment, only understanding and healing. The saying goes well: "If you can't beat your enemy, join him."

Everything that you avoid attending to within yourself becomes your nightmare. Ally yourself, listen to yourself and allow yourself to release what weighs you down.