Groucho Marx's 70 Coolest Phrases

Julius Henry Marx. A priori this name may be unknown to many, but things change if we mention the stage name by which he was known: Groucho Marx.

This well-known comedian (considered one of the best in history) and actor participated along with his brothers in numerous films in a turbulent era, reflecting with irreverent, crazy and witty humor different situations present in his time and making a large part of the world enjoy his interpretations.

Throughout his career he has left countless memorable phrases and reflections by Groucho Marx, some of which we will collect in this article.

• Related article: "80 quotes from Gandhi to understand his philosophy"

Sixty great phrases from Groucho Marx

Below we leave you with a total of seventy of the most mythical and representative phrases of this comedian.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, these are my principles. If you don't like them I have others

One of the most iconic and well-known phrases of his character reflects the hypocrisy and volubility of the beliefs and values ​​of the people, who change their minds and principles depending on whether they benefit more or less.

2. I must confess that I was born at a very young age

Groucho was a master at using language to be sarcastic and ironic. In this case the phrase can be interpreted as simple irony (everyone is young at the time of birth) or as being born prematurely.

3. It is better to be silent and look stupid than to speak and clear up doubts definitively.

Basically, the actor ironizes about human stupidity and how it is expressed without anyone asking for it.

4. Don't think badly of me, miss, my interest in you is purely sexual.

The irreverent and stark nature of this comedian considering the time in which he appeared made Groucho a comedy myth.

5. If you are able to talk non-stop, in the end you will come out with something funny, brilliant and intelligent.

For the comedian, speaking continuously allows you to end up crafting a truly surprising and intelligent speech. Likewise, he also made fun of himself with this phrase.

6. When I die, I should be cremated and ten percent of my ashes should be poured over my employer.

One of the elements that he mocked and criticized the most during his works was the business world and the world of finance, especially the concern for the calculation of profits and investments.

7. Aren't you Miss Smith, daughter of billionaire banker Smith? No? Sorry, for a moment I thought I had fallen in love with you.

Marx's character used to want to kick things up a notch by pairing up with a millionaire woman.

8. Outside the dog a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it's probably too dark to read.

Culture and literature are very important elements that allow us to learn, grow, imagine and dream.

9. I find television quite educational. When someone turns it on at home, I go to another room and read a good book.

Criticism and mockery of television and the lack of educational usefulness of the content offered by it, despite the fact that he himself had directed a television show.

10. Excuse me for not getting up

The phrase itself may not seem too special, but it is if we take into account its context: the comedian himself suggested in an interview that this could be his epitaph. In fact, there has been an urban legend that this was the case, but on his tomb only his name and surname, year of birth and death, and a Star of David appear.

11. The bad thing about love is that many confuse it with gastritis and, when they have cured the indisposition, they find that they have gotten married.

This phrase touches on the topic of confusing infatuation with love, from a comic and ironic perspective. It also partly reflects the poor relationship he had with her first wife, whom he married a year after meeting her.

12. Not laughing at anything is stupid, laughing at everything is stupid

A sense of humor is essential to being happy, but we also have to know how to delimit what we find funny from what we don't.

13. He says that… the contracting party of the first party will be considered the contracting party of the first party

Appearing in “A Night at the Opera,” this phrase ridicules the excessive use of technicalities in the business world, especially in the preparation of employment contracts.

14. Excuse me if I call you gentlemen, but I don't know you very well.

The comedian jokes that, if he knew them, he would not be able to consider them as such due to the presumed presence of defects that would make him lose respect for them.

15. My son, happiness is made of small things: a small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune...

Great phrase that ironizes the value given to money.

16. From the moment I took the book from him I fell to the ground rolling with laughter. Someday I hope to read it

A sly and provocative mockery, especially considering that he had friends who were dedicated to writing.

17. Quote me saying that I have been misquoted

The large number of phrases that he made throughout his life and the expansion of these among the population led him to anticipate that many would be repeated and altered over time.

18. He would never belong to a club that would admit someone like me as a member.

This phrase was issued in response to the offer of the “Friars Club of Beverly Hills” to be part of it. Curiously, initially it was he who tried to enter, but he was rejected when he tried to do so with his real name. Realizing who he was, the club tried to invite him. The answer was negative.

19. I don't have time to have lunch today. Bring me the account directly

Acid criticism of exploitation and the high level of work pressure existing at the time.

20. Marriage is the main cause of divorce

Without marriage there is no divorce, so the first must be the main cause of the second.

21. There are many things in life more important than money. But they cost so much!

Even though money is not the most important thing, it makes things easier to achieve what is.

22. Why should I worry about posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

This phrase can be interpreted as a criticism of the fact that we focus and focus too much on the future instead of living in the present.

23. Stop the world that I get off

This phrase would also be used by Mafalda (the character of the graphic comedian Quino).

24. It took me so long to write the review that I never read the book.

The actor also criticizes critics who criticize without delving into what is criticized.

25. I drink to make people interesting

It refers to the effect of alcohol on decreased judgment and behavioral disinhibition. However, he was not a big fan of the drink, which had serious effects on the health of two of his wives.

26. I have worked hard to get from nothing to extreme poverty.

This comment refers to the period of the Great Depression, in which Groucho Marx lost almost a large part of his money by investing in the stock market.

27. I never forget a face, but in your case I will be happy to make an exception

Ironic phrase to indicate someone who is not to our liking.

28. There's only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he answers yes, he is a fake

With this phrase Groucho Marx expresses that there is no one who is totally honest: if he answered no and it was true, he would be indicating that he is not, while if he said yes he would only be pretending to be so to benefit from it.

29. I think it's a good idea not to spend your life trying to please others. If you don't please yourself, you'll end up pleasing no one. But if you please yourself, you might please someone else.

This reflection indicates that to do good for others it is first necessary to try to be good ourselves. Focusing only on others while ignoring our needs will harm us and will also make it difficult for us to help others.

30. He got his beauty from his father: he is a plastic surgeon

This comment again uses the break with what the subject would expect (that we were talking about the genetic transmission of physical characteristics). It also satirizes the pursuit of a beautiful appearance.

31. I owe everything I am to my great-grandfather, old Cyrus Tecumseh Flywheel. He was a great man; If he were still alive, the whole world would talk about him... Why? Because if he were alive he would be 140 years old.

Marx stood out for his use of language and also for his ability to think laterally, stepping out and breaking the viewer's train of thought.

32. The secret of success is found in sincerity and honesty. If you are able to simulate it, you are done

Again Groucho indicates with a comical but sarcastic comment that to succeed he only makes the others consider that you are good and truthful, without the need to really be so and it is enough to pretend it.

33. Even when I joke I tell the truth. And it's no joke

The sense of humor does not have to be gratuitous: through his humor Groucho Marx denounced and mocked real situations, reflecting his opinions on the matter (albeit in a burlesque way).

34. Politics is the art of looking for problems, finding them, making a false diagnosis and then applying the wrong remedies

A phrase critical of politics and the measures taken by governments, especially in the times in which he lived: the Great Depression, the World Wars, persecution of possible communists and associates during the cold war (Groucho himself having in fact been investigated).

35. The downside to making smart suggestions is that you run the risk of being assigned to carry them out.

If someone suggests something, it is usually believed that it is because they are willing to carry it out themselves. We must be careful with what we ask or propose to others if we are not willing to do it ourselves.

36. Age is not a particularly interesting issue. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough

We all grow older and age, not having to give greater importance to this fact.

37. If a black cat crosses your path, that means the animal is going somewhere.

Groucho Marx mocks superstitions and magical thinking with this phrase.

38. I like my mistakes. I don't want to give up the delicious freedom of making mistakes

Erring allows us to learn and find new ways of seeing life and acting, giving excitement to our lives.

39. My mother loved children. I would have given anything for me to be one

Absurd and crazy humor was the hallmark of the comedies starring the Marx brothers, who began acting from a very early age (initially, forming a musical group). His mother supported and contributed to promoting his artistic career.

40. If you feel worthless and depressed, remember that one day you were the fastest sperm of all

This phrase reminds us that no matter how bad things may go, we are alive and we can overcome any situation and ourselves.

41. I have become fond of psychoanalysis since I felt like getting married again.

Sex and attraction is a recurring theme in Groucho Marx's comedy. Psychoanalysis, with its Freudian side focusing on the sexual drive, was something of interest to him. Furthermore, the comedian's relationship with marriage was turbulent, marrying and separating up to three times.

42. Humor is possibly a word; I use it constantly and I'm crazy about it. Someday I will find out its meaning

It is not necessary to know terms or study about a topic to learn how to use it. This is the case of humor, which should be spontaneous and is usually better if it is not excessively reflected.

43. Look, throwing a party and not inviting me… I almost didn't come!

Sometimes humor may be unwelcome or inappropriate, but it needs to be present in our lives.

44. Only cheap is expensive

Although it may seem like a contradiction, what is cheap usually has poor quality and requires a subsequent outlay greater than what would result from going directly for what is “expensive.” The same thing happens with our actions in life: taking the easy path leads us to a quick, but not completely satisfactory, result. On the other hand, working and striving for things causes us to value our goal much more.

45. I am not a vegetarian, but I eat animals that are.

An original and ironic way of indicating that he was not a vegetarian.

46. Women who only stand out for their physique don't say anything to me... In fact, they don't speak to me.

With humor, Groucho Marx reminds us that the physique is not everything, it is a person.

47. I really enjoyed this play, especially during the break.

The actor mastered the use of language and irony, producing phrases like this one.

48. True love only comes around once in a lifetime... and then there's no one who can take it away from you.

This phrase is part of one of his films: specifically “El hotel de los líos”.

49. Why do they call it love if they mean sex?

The author makes fun of the confusion between passion and love, and the tendency of some people to say that they are looking for one thing when they intend to obtain only the other.

50. Laughter is a very serious thing

Although it may seem like a contradiction, it actually reflects the importance of a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at oneself and the world when it comes to living in a positive and happy way.

51. The intellectual is a guy with an ulcer, dandruff and magnifying glasses

Not very veiled criticism of the intellectual stereotype reigning in society, as well as towards people who try to pretend to be intellectuals or towards those who do not know how to enjoy life.

52. He may look like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don't be fooled, he really is an idiot.

Although we cannot be fooled by appearances, the observation of others can truly reflect reality.

53. The hardest thing about old age is finding someone willing to scratch your feet.

Groucho took the fact of aging with humor, despite the existence of great personal difficulties in his later years.

54. Honey, in which prison did you tell me they taught you how to prepare this soup?

Sometimes the actor's acid and sarcastic sense of humor could play tricks on him, especially in conflictive interpersonal situations such as those he would have with his wives.

55. The other day I met two lions and I subjected them... I subjected them to a series of begging and crying

Comical comment that reflects that people tend to inflate and make themselves look good despite reality saying otherwise.

56. Don't look now, but there's someone else in this room... and I think it's you.

This phrase is intended to make someone see that they are not welcome, that they are interrupting something or that they are not where they belong.

57. Behind every great man there is a great woman. Behind her is his wife

It refers to the tendency of the American population of that time to have one or more lovers.

58. I will not allow injustice or foul play, but if someone is caught practicing corruption if I receive a commission, we will put them against the wall... And we will give the order to shoot!

Criticism of the corruption and hypocrisy prevailing in the political sphere and high society.

59. At parties you never sit down; Can someone you don't like sit next to you?

The comedian explains that we must assume the risks and consequences of what we do.

60. I intend to live forever, or die trying

With humor, Groucho Marx reminded us that we are all going to die no matter what we do, but that we must try to give value to our lives and be immortal.

61. Who are you going to believe, me, or your own eyes?

Some people insist that we see the reality they want.

62. Marriage is a great institution. Of course, if you like living in an institution.

Groucho Marx's well-remembered criticism of marriage.

63. Of course I understand it. Even a five year old could understand it. Bring me a five year old kid!!!

A hilarious phrase from one of his most memorable films: Goose Soup.

64. Pay the bill? What an absurd custom!

Many of his phrases were humorous criticisms of the social functioning of his time.

65. I can not say I'm not disagreeing with you.

The conflicts we see in the Marx Brothers films are full of one-liners.

66. Military intelligence are two contradictory terms.

Open criticism of the military world and war.

67. If I wanted a penny I would break my son's piggy bank if I had a son.

A truly humorous phrase about your financial hardships.

68. Bob, you already know that I only have confidence in you... and very little.

Criticism of social interactions that are not based on trust.

69. Let's drink to our girlfriends and our wives... May they never meet!

A humorous phrase that clearly defends polygamy.

70. A blind date can turn into a pig in a hat and a woman's handbag.

We must be cautious against blind dates.