Jealousy: what is it, why do we feel it and how to avoid it

It is possible that throughout our lives we have encountered jealousy in our relationships, whether we have felt it ourselves or it has been felt by the other towards us. And we are not talking only about couples, also with siblings, friends or colleagues, among others.

Sometimes under the excuse of love we justify jealousy, but the truth is that the only thing that jealousy hides is a fear of losing something or someone, and this fear comes from the false idea that what we feel affection for or a special bond, belongs to us.

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What is jealousy?

Jealousy itself is an emotional response that human beings have when we believe we are threatened to lose something we want and we are disposed to act in a certain way. Jealousy has been with us since the beginning of our history, and it is even spoken of very naturally in Greek mythology texts, for example. In fact, not only humans are jealous, some animals like dogs are also jealous.

Now, starting from this definition, we can say that jealousy is an instinctive emotion inherent in us, which could seem essential if we talk about protection. But the truth is that it can be a destructive emotion not just for ourselves, but for the people around us.

When we talk about relationships, jealousy appears due to insecurity and fear of losing the other and this is preferred in situations in which we believe that the other person may love someone else, prefer someone else or give more attention to someone else than we receive.

In this sense, the first thing we think is that jealousy is only felt in relationships, but the truth is that you only need to see a child who has just had a baby brother to notice the jealousy between siblings for his mother; of him entering an office and seeing the jealousy of some for the favoritism of the boss towards one of his colleagues; or see a group of friends in which some are jealous because others spend more time together than with one of them, for example.

Why do we feel jealous?

We feel jealous because from our first moment in this world we have the false idea that something belongs to us. At first our mother, then our friends and later our partner. If we stopped thinking that the other person belongs to us, there would be no reason for jealousy to happen. But the truth is that humans like to possess what is good for us, what gives us well-being and what we want; Leaving aside toxic couples, of course.

This is why we often confuse love with possession and, therefore, we get involved in situations in which we feel jealous, because we want to hold the other person to us. But the truth is that love gives freedom and love is possession, something very different. But before this, another fundamental characteristic appears that induces us or not to jealousy and over which we all have control: self-esteem

When our self-esteem is where it needs to be, we are able to love and give freedom to the other person, because we know who we are, we trust ourselves and we feel safe. Jealousy appear largely when our self-esteem levels are low. Then we believe we are insufficient, undeserving of the other person and inferior to others. When we do not love ourselves, we see non-existent threats everywhere and with them, jealousy.

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Jealousy is not a demonstration of love

Many people justify the jealousy they feel as demonstrations of love, and under that excuse, they emotionally control their partner, because they hide behind ideas such as wanting to protect the other person and take care of them. But nothing is further from that, jealousy is not love, but fear and insecurity.

A person who controls your messages, what you do, how you dress or who you talk to, does not do so from love, because love does not restrict freedom. He does it from his need for possession and from his insecurity due to his low self-esteem, which leads him to feel fear of losing you. People like this, with unhealthy jealousy, can be extremely toxic. and drag you into a world of emotional manipulation that no person should be subjected to.

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Positive jealousy

We feel positive jealousy when faced with a certain situation, that alert voice is turned on in our mind so that it we pay more attention to a certain situation that can really endanger, for example, our relationship with partner. This is the case when we notice that the presence of a third person is a real threat, where Jealousy is that alarm that tells us that we should be careful.

But beware! Because this may be the perfect justification for the most jealous and it's not about that either. Starting because the situation must be real and not invented by a wrong reading of the facts that we do in our head, nor because we want to see it that way. A real threat must exist and it must not be one that arises from our insecurity. The bottom line here is that when faced with positive jealousy, let us react with emotional maturity.

How to stop being jealous

If you are aware that you are a jealous person, you have already taken the first step, which is to acknowledge it. Now, the most important thing to stop feeling jealous is to work on your self-esteem, in your self-love, the confidence that you feel for yourself and the value that you place on yourself as a person. It may sound cliché to you, but until you do, you will not stop feeling jealous.

Unless you are with a really toxic person who justifies your jealousy, the reality is that threatening situations are in your head. But when you realize what a wonderful woman you are, these situations will disappear, because you really know that the other person can really love you and that you deserve that love, which is free from threats.

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