How to tell your partner that you want to have children (in 9 steps)

Having children is an important decision in the life of a couple, and becoming a family must be a desire shared by both. But broaching the subject with the other person is not easy, for fear of the response or reaction they may have.

This is a serious and decisive conversation that can change the way you live your relationship. That's why we explain how to gently tell your partner that you want to have children and make it easy for both of you.

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How to tell your partner that you want to have children

We give you the keys to approach this very complicated conversation with your partner and find out if the desire to have a baby is shared.

1. Analyze your own motivation

First of all you must analyze your own interest in wanting to have a baby. How to tell your partner that you want to have children if you haven't thought about why you want them before. Having a baby is a great responsibility and cannot arise from a momentary impulse.

Think carefully about your wishes, why you want to be a mother and the change it would mean in your life and in your relationship. Analyze your decision and think if you really have that desire and feel prepared for it. If you are really sure of the decision, write down your motivations on a sheet of paper. This will help you prepare the conversation with your partner and be able to propose to have a child with more security.

2. Is the relationship stable enough?

But it is not only enough that you are clear. To tell your partner that you want to have children it is important that your relationship is stable enough or have a certain route.

The desire not only has to be mutual, but you have to first assess where you are and have the assurance of a certain continuity. You never know what may happen in the future, but your relationship has to be strong enough to make the decision to bring a baby into this world.

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3. Make sure it's a good time to have them

It is important to be clear and that your relationship is stable, but is it really a good time to have a child? Having children is a big change in the life of any person and it requires a lot of responsibility and some stability to be able to carry out the upbringing.

Before telling your partner that you want to have children, make sure it is a good time for both of you, both physically and healthily and financially.

4. Take advantage of moments when you can probe the subject

Before proposing to have a child directly to your partner, Take the opportunity to test the waters and find out what your opinion is about it.

It is likely that if you have been around for a while you already know their opinion about having children, but if you have doubts about what you think at that moment, take advantage of the moments in which the subject can come up to tackle it.

Maybe some friends or family have gotten pregnant and You can tell him what is your opinion about having children. Or maybe the subject has come up in your favorite series and you can tackle it from there. Take advantage of moments when the topic comes up to discover where the conversation can go once you have it.

5. Find a good time to talk

If you are determined to tell your partner that you want to have a baby, you must find a good time to make the proposal. It is not a topic that can come up while you are cooking or driving. Especially not the best topic to tackle after a stressful day at work.

Find a time when both of you are calm and relaxed, where you have time ahead to keep the conversation going, and where you may be paying your full attention.

6. Be honest and direct

Explain that you want to talk about something and ask him to take a seat, so that he can stop what he is doing and not be distracted by his mobile or laptop. Once you sit down, you can broach the subject directly. Tell him that you have been thinking about the subject and want to have children with him.

Stay calm and be honest, direct and straightforward. Explain how you feel about it and take the opportunity to comment on the reasons you wrote down why you want to go for a baby.

7. Listens

Once you've brought it up, show him that you now want to hear what he has to say and give him time to process. Let him now express his opinion and keep an attitude of active listening, attentive to what he has to say and showing that you are paying attention.

Even if your partner tells you that they don't want children or that they are not ready yet, stay calm and open-minded. Don't be too quick to contradict him or try to convince him otherwise. Show that you respect his decision and, in any case, ask him about the concerns he may have about it and see if you reach any point of agreement.

If your partner also wants to have children, you can talk about whether you really look prepared and you can clarify any doubts you may have about it.

8. Be patient

Having a baby is a very important decision that depends on both parties, so if your partner wants to wait to have children or does not look ready yet, you must respect their decision and be patient.

Pushing to convince him to have children can be counterproductive and damage your relationship, so take the opportunity to focus on your relationship and strengthen it.

9. Analyze alternatives

If her answer was negative, also think about how you feel about her decision and re-analyze your wishes to be a mother. Imagine what it would be like to live together with your partner without having children and what would be the pros and cons. Analyze your priorities and consider if you would be happy with your partner without being parents.

If you cannot reach an agreement and the issue causes problems in your relationship, consider the option of going to couples therapy to deal with this disagreement or analyze your relationship.

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