Emotional dependency: what is it and how to overcome your partner's addiction

Our relationships arise from love, attraction and friendship, but many times without realizing it, they transform into a kind of addiction to our partner because we have generated an emotional dependence.

Emotional dependence is more common than you think, many times we are not even aware of that we have it and it happens to both women and men, because we all need that bond affective. Today we explain what is emotional dependence and we give you some tips to overcome itto.

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What is emotional dependency?

In any affective relationship that we have, it is normal for an emotional dependence to be generated. It's a survival mechanism that all people have created since childhood, first with our parents and later with those people we consider important in our lives, it is a way of feeling safety.

However, when this state of emotional dependence becomes very high is when it becomes a problem. Something like drug or alcohol addictions happens, what happens is that

we become psychologically addicted to our partner and to that bond that binds us. It is an attachment, an affective attachment, a need for love that ends up hindering the relationship and making it toxic.

Emotional dependence, also known as codependency or as affective attachment, occurs in women and men, although in the case of men it is usually more difficult to solve, since the Men are ashamed of feeling emotionally attached to someone and do not seek help as a consequence of the sexism.

Why do we create emotional dependence on someone

The emotional dependence that we create since childhood, we generate it because we need security about the relationships we build. This actually enhances bonding, a sense of protection, and self-esteem.

Depending on the circumstances in which we have grown up, it is possible that this idea of ​​security about the bonds with our parents and siblings (if we have them), has gone through moments of feeling insecure, or we have had a childhood with excess protection, resulting in a pattern in our mind that makes us insecure about romantic relationships, becoming one of the causes of emotional dependence.

As a consequence of the above, our low self-esteem is the main cause that we generate emotional dependence towards our partner. Lack of self-esteem is what makes us feel that great need for affection, because we think that we are not enough for the other person, we feel guilty and we constantly criticize ourselves. Ultimately, we are exercising constant contempt for ourselves.

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Emotional dependence turns all the beauty of love and the relationship as a couple such as happiness, admiration for the other person, the strength to grow and improve as people, respect, tolerance and understanding, in stagnant and harmful relationships where suffering prevails and in which we adopt a pathological behavior of submission towards our partner.

How can I know if I have emotional dependence

Emotional dependence can appear in different degrees, reaching extremes that are totally harmful and painful for us. There are various symptoms or behaviors that can help you identify If you are suffering from emotional dependence that we will tell you below.

1. You feel that you are not up to your partner

Feeling admiration for your partner is itself part of love and it is indeed something beautiful, but it is totally different from feel inferior to your partner and to constantly think that you are not enough and that you do not deserve it despite knowing that your partner is with you.

2. You continually feel that you need the other

You can spend whole days with your partner, weeks even, but you always have the feeling of needing to spend more time with him or her. Separating from your partner generates anxiety no matter how little the time, you need him to be always by your side because you can't stand physical distance, much less not paying attention to you.

3. Insecurity about the future of your relationship

You can never be sure of your relationship and the future it may have. In fact you are constantly on the alert for uncertainty, so you feel jealous of other people, of the moments / spaces that your partner enjoys without you and you are afraid that your relationship will end.

4. You wait for heartbreak

You have the constant feeling that this wonderful relationship is too real to be true and that it has to end because you do not believe you are worthy of love. Then you are waiting for one day to end and for your partner to leave you.

5. Stop being you

How do you feel afraid of losing your partner that you do not feel worthy of, then you stop reaffirming yourself personally. That is, you do not show your tastes, your needs or your desires, but you please those of your partner, you do what he / she likes, you please him and you dilute yourself in his needs.

How to overcome emotional dependency

After reviewing your behaviors in relation to your relationship, you can realize whether or not you are having emotional dependence.

As easy as it sounds, it is actually one of the most difficult steps, but the one you should start with: stop confusing what love really is and accept that something is wrong in your relationship because you are being emotionally dependent on your partner. When you've done it, ask for help; You will realize that your family and friends are willing to help you and accompany you in this process.

Now, the greatest learning and work you must do is to learn to love yourself. Because from that place, that of self-love, is from which you will be able to break all the toxic patterns that make you suffer so much and therefore, you will be able to overcome emotional dependence.

You need to rebuild and show yourself more and more as you are, stop living in the shadow of what you think your partner expects of you. This will not make you lose your partner, but it will make you more attractive, because you will be projecting your own love.

Do not forget that you are wonderful and that you are full of virtues, that you yourself have to learn to see and value more than anyone else, and that the only height you should be at is yours herself. Trust yourself and who you are and love yourself. Do not hide, the greatest gift you can give the world is to love yourself.

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