Dissatisfaction in the couple: what factors explain it?

In recent decades, a substantial gradual increase in the number of separations and divorces has been observed compared to previous times. According to data from the INE (National Institute of Statistics), in 1990 there were about 95,000 divorce proceedings. In 2000, the figure was about 98,000; in 2014, the total of 100,000 legal separations was exceeded, 5.6% more than the previous year's index.

Faced with this upward trend, there are various investigations that have tried to shed some light on the factors that can lead to the appearance of a feeling of marital dissatisfaction and, in some cases, the decision to end the marital relationship. Let's see some of the hypotheses studied in this regard.

What influences emotional relationships and marital dissatisfaction?

The defining and common aspect of all intimate relationships (family, friends, love, etc.) is the interdependence. Interdependence is understood as the ability of one element to influence the other reciprocally and consistently in the respective thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

A factor that considerably influences the way an individual relates to others, and especially to the couple, is the development during childhood of the affective bond with parents. Evidence from published works shows that a secure bond, based on affection and trust, is associated in the future with positive affective traits, empathy, elevated self-esteem and non-confrontational interactions with others.

In reference to marital relationships, the adult who has developed a secure bond in the first years of life, later seeks intimacy, you feel comfortable within your relationship with your partner and you are not constantly worried about losing it. These types of people are capable of establishing long, committed and satisfying relationships.

Affective ties

Bartholomew and Horowitz have established a model for classifying the affective bond in adults that includes two dimensions: positive self-evaluation vs. negative and positive vs. negative (Bartholomew and Worowitz, 1991).

A person with a positive self-image assumes that others will generally react to an interaction of positively, you will be esteemed by the other and treated correctly, so you will be comfortable in relationships intimate. A negative self-assessment It is related to rejection by others, with which the intimate relationships that you establish will generate anxiety, inappropriateness and dependence. These events can precipitate the individual to avoid a closer and deeper type of relationship.

Commitments versus freedom

In a 2004 study by Baron and Byrne, the authors found that Most of the marital problems were derived from the loss of freedom of each of the members since, not being able to act unilaterally, they had to agree on decisions with the other member.

According to the aforementioned study, the desire for independence inevitably conflicts with the need for privacy in most of the cases studied.

The end of idealization, the beginning of divorce?

On the other hand, the idealized vision of the other that each member has at the beginning of the relationship is disappearing gradually, and over time the negative aspects of the couple that went unnoticed may take on more relevance previously. Studies show that spouses tend to overestimate their level of agreement in general and especially in the style of coping with problems or difficulties.

Namely, couples present a greater disparity of opinions than they really consider. In addition, the nature of the verbalizations that each member expresses during a discussion also becomes a relevant factor in the perception of satisfaction in the marital relationship.

Thus, within a continuum where the extremes are delimited by the variables "destructive-critical-unreflective" and "constructive-consensual-reflected", the most dissatisfied couples are clearly placed in the first typology.

Negative dynamics

Related to the above, individual differences in hostility, presence of attitudes defensive towards the partner and feelings of sadness, are determining in the way how the couples In this way, it has been shown that spouses who express their feelings more are happier: Specifically, it has been concluded that satisfied women define themselves as expressive, feminine and positively value that their partners are also loving and protective towards them. In the case of men, the group feels more satisfied if it considers itself decisive and expressive, detesting, on the other hand, the fact of being sexually rejected by its partner.

In a study by Fincham and Bradbury at the end of the last century, the conclusion was drawn that lmarital dissatisfaction is mainly determined by the feeling of monotony and boredom perceived by the members of the couple and that the discrepancy in the assessment of this aspect is a precipitating factor that marks the beginning of the deterioration of the relationship matrimonial.

The triangular model of love

One of the contributions that has had the greatest relevance in the field of distinguishing between the different types of love it has been the one carried out by Sternberg. With his "Triangular Model of Love" this author conceptualized love relationships based on three basic components: intimacy, passion and commitment.

According to the proposal, all love relationships have the three components but in different proportions. The data indicate that those couples that have the three components equally become the ones that will tend to establish more lasting and satisfactory relationships. Conversely, If the proportions are very unbalanced, the probability that the feeling of dissatisfaction will arise increases regarding the couple's relationship.

Let's see a brief definition of these components:

• The Privacy It refers to the bond and the union of the members of the couple as they spend time together.
• The Passion it is motivation and sexual arousal.
• The Commitment indicates the cognitive elements involved in the decision to form the relationship and expressions of continuing to be committed to it.

The realm of the sexual

Finally, other aspects that can negatively influence the feeling of marital dissatisfaction are: the perception that each one has regarding the type and quality of sexual relations that they maintain with each other (Henderson-King and Veroff, 1994) or negative emotions related to professional performance that extend to the personal domain and that end up overflowing the marital relationship.

This situation it can be the prelude to a separation or divorce.

Concluding

In short, as it has been observed throughout the text, it seems that the aspects related to both the establishment of a link satisfactory interdependence, such as a break from routine and monotony, an open and assertive communication dynamic, or a balance in components intimacy, passion and commitment are the determining factors to favor the maintenance of a positive perception of the marital relationship and interest in its continuity over time, being elements that negatively correlate with the appearance of deterioration at the marital level.

Bibliographic references:

• Baron Robert A. & Byrne, Donn (2004): Social Psychology. 10th Ed. Pearson Prentice Hall: Madrid.

• Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles amongyoung adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 226-244.

• Fincham, F.D. & Bradbury, T.N. (1988b). The impact of attributes in marriage: Empirical and conceptual foundations. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 27, 77-90.

• Henderson-King, D. H., & Veroff, J. (1994). Sexual satisfaction and marital well-being in the first years of marriages. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 11, 509–534.

• National Institute of Statistics (2015): Statistics of separations, annulments and divorces Year 2014. Recovered from http://www.ine.es/prensa/np927.pdf

• Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93, 2, 119-136.