5 stages that love couples go through when they finish

The beginning of the end of a relationship may be happening without us even being aware of it; Often times, the first signs of change are subtle. It is usually after the breakup when it comes to remembering and understanding what has happened, how it is events have happened to the point of producing an experience as complicated to face as a breaking off. Thinking about our past relationships in hindsight doesn't make them rebuild again, but it helps us heal wounds.

Now, in addition to thinking about breakups in the past tense, we can also try to predict them, recognize their first manifestations effectively. Have the option of knowing if we are in a breaking process It can be very useful to assess the health status of the relationship and, also, to see the relationship with the partner in perspective.

A scale on the stages of the breakup

Of course, it cannot be said that there is a series of phases whose first stages make us fall hopelessly into a spiral whose only end possible is the break, but it is possible to distinguish different situations that make us more or less likely to consider leaving our own partner.

To do this, a team of psychologists from the University of Tennessee led by Kathrin Ritter They have developed a scale in which the 5 phases that relationships go through are considered that are more likely to be ending. The name of this tool is Stages of Change in Relationship Status (SOCRS) and can be very useful both in couples therapy, and is based on the James Prochaska's theory of change.

The SOCRS was initially developed to examine the extent to which people involved in online dating based on fear and violence were close to ending these toxic relationships. However, it has also been shown to be reliable in assessing the chances of ending a relationship whether or not there is physical or psychological violence in it.

This scale was designed after passing questionnaires with 83 items to a series of people and to decide what kinds of questions were most used or significant to describe the state of the relationship. After this process, a simplified version of these questionnaires was created.

Is this scale effective?

To test its effectiveness, this research team had a series of young people in a relationship fill out the SOCRS questionnaires. Two months later, these people had to fill out the questionnaire again. In this way, after 2 months, it was possible to check whether the people who according to the scale were in an advanced stage of breakup in the first moment was more likely to have broken with their relationship or to be about to do so after 2 months. The volunteers who participated in the study were young people in their 20s, so it was not Strange that their relationships lasted an average of a year and that, after 2 months, many couples had broken up.

The results showed that, indeed, the scale was useful in estimating the chances that the relationship would end in the near future depending on which of the 5 phases each person is in. In addition, there was a worrying incidence of relationships with physical or verbal violence: 79% of people admitted to having committed acts of physical or verbal violence against their partner at some point.

The 5 stages of rupture according to the SOCRS

These are the 5 phases couples go through when they finish. What is your relationship in?

Factor 1: Pre-contemplation

In this phase the person you are not aware of having any special problems in your relationship with your partner. The items on the scale that correspond to this phase are these:

1. I am happy with my relationship as it is.

2. My relationship is fine, there is no need to change it.

3. My relationship is not so bad.

4. I don't need to do anything about my relationship.

Factor 2: Contemplation

In this phase the person begins to think about aspects of their relationship that should change. Its items are these:

5. Sometimes I think I should end my relationship.

6. I think my relationship is not healthy for me.

7. I begin to see that my relationship is a problem.

8. I begin to notice the harmful effect of my relationship.

Factor 3: Preparation

In this phase the person you have already made the decision to end the relationship. The items that define this stage are the following:

9. Although it is difficult to end my relationship, I am making plans to do so anyway.

10. I have started working to end the relationship, but I need some help.

11. I will try to end my relationship during the next month.

12. I will try to end my relationship very soon, but I am not sure what is the best way to do it.

Factor 4: Action

In this phase the person you have already started executing your plans without making excuses or postponing your goals. The items are:

13. I have told my partner that I want to end the relationship.

14. I talk less with my partner when we are alone.

15. I have started spending more time with other people and less with my partner.

16. I notice that I think less and less of my partner.

Factor 5: Maintenance

In this phase the person acts in a coherent way with the end of their relationship transforming it into a daily reality. The items are:

17. I have changed my daily routine to avoid any relationship with my partner.

18. I avoid places where I know I will see my partner.

19. I have set aside objects that belong to my partner, or taken steps to get rid of items that remind me of this person.

20. I will never go back to my partner.