I have a hard time making friends: causes and solutions

Social isolation and difficulty in making friends are two of the problems that, paradoxically, They occur in a society in which the Internet has the ability to put all kinds of people in contact.

The problems when it comes to forging friendships not only have consequences on people's moods and their self-esteem: it has also been seen that loneliness is related to shorter life expectancy.

• Highly recommended article: "Guide to meeting new people: sites, skills and tips"

How to break the isolation?

Gaining a greater ability to win friends is a process that involves engaging on multiple fronts. Fortunately, it is possible to win in all of them if you follow the right strategies and show a commitment to certain principles and ideas.

Next we will see what people who find it difficult to make friends can do to break out of their isolation.

• We also recommend: "Top 14 Social Skills for Success in Life"

1. Work on self-esteem

This is a step that must be taken first but must accompany all those who follow.

. The perception that friends are missing who are by our side is usually associated with the belief that we are not good enough so that someone wants to spend time with us, which in turn causes us to adopt behaviors that make it difficult to create bonds of friendship.

Therefore, it is necessary to analyze these beliefs in a calm and somewhat distant way, judging their foundations and seeing how they adjust to reality. Normally, social isolation is produced by the anticipation of the failure of making contact with other people, with the fear that this generates and with the lack of selfesteem It makes us defensive and give up the chances of making friends, which in turn confirms our pessimistic beliefs.

This step can be started alone or with the help of friends and family, but attending psychotherapy is also a good option for this cognitive restructuring.

2. Judging our friendship needs

Secondly, we must stop to think why or why we want to have more friends.. This will help us to know what the nature of our need is, which in turn will make it possible to have clear the contexts in which we want to meet people and the kind of people with whom we want try.

3. Find meeting spaces

Second, we must think about the spaces in which we could make new friends. Here we must consider meeting places, but also virtual spaces, especially forums where we can find people with common interests. Beyond social networks, which are usually designed more for individual contact with people already known, there are web pages with debate and discussion sections where people who are regulars of the place meet: they are a good option.

4. Find the exhibition

Losing the fear of exposing ourselves to the opinion of others is absolutely essential when making friends. For this we must get out of the comfort zone and combat the fear learned from previous frustrated experiences when making friends. Following self-instructions and "self-compelling" to fulfill them following a scale of difficulty is a good way to solve this, as well as being a widely used resource in cases of social phobia.

5. Not following scripts in conversation

Once you have started a conversation with someone, you need to give up the possibility of following a script more or less structured in which we have included elements that we want to say: they do not work and they make the dialogue not fluid and unsatisfactory. It is advisable to seek spontaneity. For this, it is good to follow relaxation protocols (ideally with the help of a therapist) and let yourself be carried away by the dialogue without obsessively thinking about the image we are giving. If we are confident and sure of ourselves, the most absurd conversation can turn into fun and stimulating.

6. Show commitment

Maintaining the ties of friendship is betting on the commitment that unites two people who consider themselves friends. This means that you have to make some sacrifices and be clear that we should also be willing to contribute something to the other. It is a very basic point but one that is often forgotten, causing relationships to deteriorate and become circumstantial, something instrumental.

Concluding

If the phrase "it is difficult for me to make friends" frequently runs through our heads, we must be clear about two things: on the one hand, that if we are willing, we can be friends with many more people, and on the other, that this process will cost us a series of effort and sacrifices that will make us leave our comfort zone.

Having this clear from the beginning is essential so as not to get discouraged in the early stages, something that can memorize this experience as "proof" that friends are not made for U.S.