Signs to identify emotional dependence: is it love or need?

What is emotional dependency? How can we identify it? How to differentiate it from love?

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Signs of emotional dependency

Emotional dependency is the affective need for presence or contact from one person to another to cover different areas of one's life, which is conditioned according to what the other person does or does not do.

We are talking about emotional dependence ...

• When your self-love is relegated to someone else.
• When the hours of your day are marked by the presence or absence of the other person.
• When your daily objective is basically to receive the message or call from that person.
• If from all your surroundings a single person takes all your attention and attachment.
• If you are happy when you communicate with that person and if this does not happen you feel sad.
• If your emotions depend on the actions of the other person.
• If you feel that you cannot be without seeing or being with a certain person.
• When your whole universe comes down to that person.

If the bond with that person turns harmful, involving more unpleasant than positive things, walk away. Let it go. Even if it hurts. It may be difficult, expensive, but... what is the cost that you are willing to pay to continue with that relationship that causes so much discomfort?

What to do to avoid suffering from this?

Listen to yourself, watch yourself. What impact does this emotional pain have on you? Can you bear it in order to continue this bond?

If it's love, it shouldn't hurt. We are used socially and culturally to the fact that it is valid to suffer for love, to die of love, to need the other to live, to be happy. We see it in novels, we hear it in songs like “Without you, I am nothing”, “I need you”. Phrases made so natural that they subtly incorporate the idea into us, and just a little bit of vulnerability is enough to believe it. But that is not reality.

The truth is that you don't need anybody concrete to live, to breathe, to be happy. Truth be told, you do need someone: yourself. You need to love yourself, value yourself, respect yourself. You are going to live with you the rest of your life. And one of the most rewarding things about growing up is being and feeling independent. In every way. Although it is not easy to assume financial independence, in many cases it is more difficult to assume emotional independence.

This does not mean having to solve everything individually in life, not forming a couple or believing yourself omnipotent. It means that if we need help we must request it but not be attached to that person, permanently and exclusively. A healthy way to socialize and exchange help with others it refers to the flexibility and variability of resources so as not to fall into stagnation. There are many ways to help yourself.

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The steps to follow

First, we must recognize that we are going through a problematic, unpleasant, toxic situation: in this case we are talking about a relationship that is wearing us down, deteriorating little by little. At this point it would be interesting to evaluate what type of relationship it is and what unites them: is it love? Osession? Need? Or custom?

Second, we must accept the harmful nature of the bond and encourage ourselves to make the decision to walk away, to take a healthy distance.

Third, we must seek resources that make it easier for us to carry out that decision. Both internal and external resources.

Strengthening self-esteem It is one of the main keys and can be generated with self-care behaviors that gratify us, return our love towards ourselves. Request help from a professional, start some sporting, recreational, playful, solidarity activity, go out for a walk with friends or family, generate new social circles. Building or rebuilding your own path is essential to be able to embark on the path of detachment from what causes us more harm than good. That which hurts us.

Take care of yourself, take care of your self-esteem, take care of your dignity, your identity, take care of who you are. Value yourself, respect yourself and make yourself respected.