The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the couple breakup

Overcoming heartbreak and breaking up with the person we love is not easy at all. There are many good moments that we leave behind, and the emotional torrent that this situation generates makes us live this moment as the end of the world.

Generally, one of the two members of the relationship is the one who decides to leave him, and although it might seem that he is the one who suffers the least, that is not always the case. There are relationships that end but love lives on. Something that complicates the transition to a new life without the loved one.

• You are interested in reading: "The 6 uncomfortable truths about the breakup"

It is not easy to accept the break

And of course, at the point of leaving behind everything we have experienced, there are many memories that hit our minds over and over again. Certainly, it is not easy to accept that the situation has come to an end, that the other person will rebuild her life without us and all that has been lived will be left behind, never to return.

Emotional pain can be even more devastating than physical pain, and some individuals get hooked on the partner just like a drug. In fact, love and drugs use the same neural circuits, so psychologists recommend not having contact with the other person (at least for a while) to avoid relapses.

• You can learn more about the process of falling in love and the neurochemicals involved in this phenomenon in our article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

Heartbreak is not a linear process

What if!, relapses are common in heartbreak since it is not a linear process. What I mean by this? Well, there are ups and downs. There are several phases of heartbreak that are overcome over time, but it is possible to return to the previous stages when we see the loved one again.

So the experts affirm that in the lack of love, as with the drug, the best thing is the “all or nothing”. At least if we want to avoid suffering for longer and avoid relapses that can lead to a greater sense of failure and greater conflicts with the ex-partner.

• Recommended article: "4 keys to overcome the break with your ex-partner"

Time becomes a great ally for heartbreak

When we stop seeing the loved one, the neural circuits that are involved in this phenomenon weaken, and the levels of the neurochemicals as the dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, among others, stabilize. Over time, the body will adapt to change and it is possible to return to normal.

Having said that, there are people who have serious difficulties to overcome these situations, because different problems (their low self-esteem, his poor social skills…) hinder his recovery. In these cases it is necessary to go to a psychologist specialized in this matter, and it is important to avoid the administration of drugs, since it is necessary to acquire realistic beliefs about couple relationships, improve relationship skills with others, or learn to love yourself.

The phases of a love breakup

But what are the phases of heartbreak that exist? What are their characteristics?

The stages of heartbreak are five and the last step is the acceptance. Each person lives the stages in their own way and the time to overcome will depend on many factors. For example, the intensity of the feeling, the time of relationship or previous experiences of heartbreak.

These are the phases of heartbreak:

1. Denial and isolation phase

This phase It is characterized because the person denies reality and acts as if everything continues the same (the two together). It is a generally brief stage, which usually occurs as a form of protection, since the impact of the rupture is so great that it is difficult to assimilate it. At this stage it is important that the individual is aware of the emotions he feels and the reason why they are there. You need to see the situation in the most objective way to get more clarity.

2. Anger phase

This phase is characterized by the person feels a very strong rage and anger towards the person who has left him. If in the previous phase the person did not want to accept reality, now he feels tremendous frustration for what has happened and blames the other person for the illnesses of the couple. Then revenge usually appears. Sometimes, it also happens that, in this situation, anger is directed towards oneself or the people around them (and even towards the whole world).

3. Negotiation phase

This phase can be really dangerous if it is not managed well, because in an attempt to accept the situation and get closer to the other person again, you can make the mistake of trying to do anything to get the relationship back. A bad approach can ruin the situation again, and even make it worse.

4. Depression phase

In this stage the person loses hope of getting back that person that they have really loved. He begins to be objective and to realize that there is no going back. So he feels really sorry for the loss of someone who was so special to him or her.

5. Acceptance phase

After the sadness of the previous phase, the person begins to visualize a new future. He accepts that the relationship is over and that what could not be, will not be. He no longer seeks to be with the other person and feels at peace and prepared to meet a new partner.

Heartbreak can be overcome

As we have seen, our psyche is prepared to be able to assume and overcome a couple breakup. Anyway, there are some cases in which pain and bad sensations are difficult to assimilate And this can lead to some kind of psychological disorder.

If you think you are in a risky situation, do not hesitate to contact a professional.

Bibliographic references:

• Perestelo Pérez L, González Lorenzo M, Rivero Santana AJ, Pérez Ramos J. (2007) Decision-making aid tools for patients with depression. Quality Plan for the SNS of the MSPS. SESCS; 2010. STD reports: SESCS.
• Kübler-Ross, E. (2006) On grief and pain. Luciérnaga Editions. Barcelona.