Why some couples are still together after infidelity

Relationships are based on love, respect and trust. While we have no control over the first of these ingredients, the other two do have a place in our decisions and the choices we make on a day-to-day basis.

However, when it comes to maintaining fidelity, it is very easy for a single mistake to derail a dating or marriage project that takes months or years to come. Overnight, everything can change, and even if the infidelity is hidden, the feeling of guilt ends the relationship many times.

But that doesn't always happen. There are cases in which the couple is still together after an infidelity. Why is this happening? Let's see the causes of this phenomenon.

• Related article: "Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships"

Overcoming infidelity or self-deception?

An infidelity puts us in a position where we must choose between two options that have significant emotional repercussions. Breaking up with your partner implies leaving behind many of the elements of life to which we had been accustomed, as well as the need to see with different eyes the relationship from which we left, and spend some time alone. In turn, not separating from the partner implies continuing with a relationship that is very easy to doubt, and investing time and effort in something that tomorrow may definitely break.

Infidelity is by definition treason. That means it is not having sex with someone you are not in a relationship with based on reciprocated love; after all, there are open couples and the polyamory.

Being unfaithful is basically breaking one of the commitments that are part of the pillars on which a courtship or marriage is sustained. Normally, absolute sexual exclusivity is one of those commitments, but this is not always the case. In any case, almost all relationships require a certain degree of exclusivity to function (even if it only consists of the privilege of dedicating much more time and attention to the loved one).

But there are many philosophies of life with which to deal with infidelity when it has been committed. Many of them lead to ending the relationship, understanding that it is hopeless or that it is based on a lie.

• You may be interested: "Is it possible to forgive an infidelity?"

Relationships that are rebuilt after cheating on a partner

From what is currently known, the factors that explain why certain couples continue to exist after an infidelity known to both parties are as follows.

1. Prefer happiness to justice

Happiness is something shared but fragile, while justice can be one-sided, but it doesn't have to make us happy. The choice between justice and happiness governs many of the decisions that have to do with the question of whether to forgive an infidelity or not.

Many couples who are still together after infidelity they bet on happiness through forgiveness. It may seem like the easy way out of the conflict, but it is not. Forgiving someone genuinely is tricky in these cases, and the person who has cheated on your couple, many times, see in this something that allows them to better appreciate the value of their courtship and marriage.

2. The beginning of a formal engagement

Many times, infidelity occurs due to an absence of well-established rules that govern the relationship. For example, it is not uncommon in the beginning of relationships that some people fear so much possibility of overwhelming the other person that they try by all means to appear flexible and accommodating. This situation of ambiguity makes it possible committing infidelity because of a gray area of morality that exists between the clearly acceptable and the clearly unacceptable.

Thus, the fact of having to face infidelity draws attention to this lack of communication and allows the couple to have a framework in which to talk for the first time about what their commitment.

• You may be interested: "Are men or women more unfaithful?"

3. Couples therapy

Couples therapy is effective in intervening in many of the aspects that cause discomfort about infidelity: for example, to reduce stress associated with conversations with your partner and to relearning to dialogue constructively. This, while not guaranteeing the full recovery of mutual trust, makes it easier to reach it.

• Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons"

4. A philosophy of life against the absolutes

People who live love through absolute ideas of the style "infidelity has to be accompanied by the break in all cases "will probably not be able to detect those cases where there is an opportunity to repair a relationship.

Thus, it is often important to adopt the idea that every relationship is a world and that, although there are situations that are unsustainable in all cases (such as abuse), in certain cases an infidelity is not the end of the world.

People tend to underestimate our ability to change when it comes to love, usually because we are not capable to find a way to create the ideal situation in which we are allowed to evolve in both habits and values ​​and beliefs.