How to avoid stagnation in the couple: 6 key tips

Given that couple relationships make up one of the most important areas of life for those who are part of one, It is normal that many of the problems capable of harming us may also appear through this route. emotionally.

However, not all relationship problems have to go hand in hand with emotional pain itself, as we usually understand it. Sometimes what is problematic is precisely the absence of intense feelings and emotions, and a clear example of this is stagnation in the couple.

In this article we will see some Tips on Coping with Stagnant Relationships, as well as an explanation about what this phenomenon consists of.

• Related article: "Relationship crisis due to routine problems: 5 possible causes"

What do we understand by stagnation in a relationship?

In the context of the psychology of the field of affective couple relationships, stagnation in the couple is always a form of emotional stagnation. This means that it has to do with the aspects of the relationship that should be producing us illusion and motivating us to continue cultivating that bond with the other person, and that for some reason, they no longer exist or are very weak.

Thus, we are not talking about stagnation in the couple if, for example, two people have been living with the same material conditions for many years, or if they have been living for decades. boyfriends and they do not get married, nor is it something related to any change that can occur at an objective level: note that in all these cases what changes is not the affective bond in yes, but non-essential aspects of the relationship (which are also linked to a concept of “progress” of the relationship that is questionable, or at least not valid for all people). The stagnation we talk about here is totally tied to emotions, and not so much to social conventions about what is supposed to be expected from a courtship or marriage.

People who suffer discomfort due to stagnation in the couple do not feel illusion at the prospect of continuing in that relationship. relationship because they notice that the fact of staying in it does not give them the feeling that good things are to come, and that Emotions and feelings that come to them through that facet of their day to day are expendable or directly so predictable that they can be ignored. In this way, boredom is usually feelings associated with stagnation in the couple.

Tips to avoid stagnation in relationships

It is clear that there are no magic recipes when it comes to solving the problems that a couple may experience, and that it cannot be trying to get out of emotional or coexistence crises without adapting the solutions to the particular context of each marriage relationship or engagement.

Precisely for that, the most effective way (by far) to improve this kind of relationship is to go to the psychologist, since in this way there is the support and supervision of a professional expert in the subject, who also proposes a training program in communication and emotional management skills adapted to each case, either in individual therapy sessions or in sessions with both members of the couple present.

However, that does not mean that there are not a series of measures to apply to increase the possibility of redirecting a couple relationship on the right track, making it out of stagnation. They do not guarantee success, but they make us more inclined to reconnect emotionally with the other through the adoption of new habits and new ways of thinking and expressing ourselves. Here we will see several of these psychological keys in the form of advice.

1. Create a priority list

To make the couple's relationship gain strength again and have the inertia it had before, it is important to set goals in the medium and short term; Something as simple as putting on the table a plan of activities to be carried out in common can be that starter you need. Think that these shared experiences are also topics of conversation and memories that unite us and that allow you to expect pleasant sensations, projecting yourself into the future.

To achieve this, start by making each one a list of interests ordered from most to least important, and then see how they fit together. That way it will be easier to rediscover those common ground that you may have forgotten or overlooked due to the monotony of what you have been doing.

2. Stop to think about whether there are taboo topics that keep the relationship cold.

The fear of opening up avenues of conversation on issues that affect you in the most intimate way can lead you to adopt a distant attitude with the other person, even if you don't realize it.. That is why it is important to agree on a time and a place to talk about these things, making it clear that it is not prejudged and that not in all cases a consensual solution should be adopted (there are aspects that only concern one of the parts).

• You may be interested in: "Emotional infidelity: what it is, and signs to detect it"

3. If it comes up, experiment sexually

The stagnation may have also been noted in the area of ​​sexuality. But intimate relationships of this type are one of the most interesting sources of satisfaction not only in the world of sensations. but also in terms of expectations about what the week we are in has to offer, for example. Innovate in this aspect of your lives, but yes, regardless of fixed schedules that are repeated week after week.

4. Create projects together

These projects they don't have to be professionals, but it does suppose a chain of objectives and intermediate goals that can last for months or years This medium is also a way of continuing to get to know the person we love through other Aspects.

5. Unlock conflicts

Frozen conflicts can lead you to adopt a passive-aggressive attitude that turns the relationship into barren territory. Developing communication skills to seek consensus and put resentment over past discussions on hold is essential in these cases. Therefore, agree to talk about this at a specific time and place, making clear two basic rules: no shouting, no make reproaches, and not seek guilty or penance, but solutions and acts of reparation wherever they are necessary.

6. Think about the non-inetability of that relationship

Although it seems contradictory, being aware that we can decide to end that relationship at any time helps to unblock the situation. Not only is it essential to avoid toxic relationships, but leads us to adopt a constructive mindset, rather than a passive and resigned one.

Are you looking for psychological assistance?

If you are interested in overcoming a psychological problem that affects you on a daily basis or that creates discomfort in your family or partner relationships, Get in touch with me.

I am a psychologist specialized in cognitive-behavioral psychology, and I attend both individuals, professionals and companies, either in person or online through video call sessions. On this page you can find my contact details.

Bibliographic references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Bustamante, J. (2016). Sexuality and Couples Therapy: The Couple from a Global Approach. Madrid, Spain: UNED.
• Carreño, M. (1991). Psychosocial aspects of love relationships. Santiago de Compostela: University of Santiago de Compostela.
• Christensen A.; Atkins D.C.; Baucom B.; Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Hussain, M., Price, D. M., Gesselman, A. N., Shepperd, J. A., & Howell, J. L. (2020). Avoiding information about one’s romantic partner. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520969856