How to face your own death or that of our loved ones

Although we are aware that we are born, live and must die as part of the life cycle of our existence, most of us are not really prepared to face that moment.

During our lifetime we are focused on achieving milestones, goals, objectives and we do not stop to think about our death, due in part to the implicit belief that there is a long time to go until then.

However, one day in our life we ​​may receive fateful news and be aware of the limited time we have left. So why not jump ahead and spend more time on this personal grooming process?

For this reason, whether you are in that situation or not, you will find this article very interesting in which you can start to face death as something natural.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

How to face our own death?

Being afraid of death is natural, when we know that the moment is approaching our thoughts and concerns are focused mainly in being aware of what we are going to lose: loved ones, experiences that we enjoyed or had planned and goods materials.

An irremediable concern arises for those who remain, feeling guilty for the emotions and discomfort that our death will cause them. Plus, fear of pain, suffering, loss of faculties as a result of illness or great deterioration in old age.

Facing one's own death is a mourning, it is still a loss. There are different phases, although it is important to emphasize that people are different based on our experiences, expectations, beliefs and coping skills. We can go through all the phases or some, even go through it several times again.

1. Denial

It is usually the first reactionWe don't really think our end is near We deny that reality.

2. Go to

Situations anger, guilt at oneself or others. We think there must be a culprit.

3. Negotiation

We negotiate with ourselves, we make promises believing that if we change something we can avoid our death. For example, a healthier lifestyle.

4. Depression

We feel that we can do nothing more and we have no motivation to try to continue or enjoy anything. Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness appear. We can even feel injustice because it has touched us and we wonder why we deserve it.

5. Acceptance

Getting to this stage is the most adaptive part of the personal grieving process. We actively enjoy the time we have left. Professional help may be needed to reach this stage.

• You may be interested in: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics"

What can we do until the end comes?

We can follow guidelines to cushion the suffering we experience and in this way progressively approach the acceptance phase.

1. Identify the fear

Being aware of what causes us fear and concern, we can make a list that will help us to work on those things.

Expressing these implicit concerns will help you understand them.. It may be important to speak with our loved ones or with a psychologist who will know how to guide you through the process, such as Verónica Valderrama Hernández from Psicoalmeria. Identifying and expressing our fears is comforting, we live immersed in a society where it seems taboo to talk about death.

2. Be grateful for our experiences

It consists of remembering all the positive experiences in our life and all our goals achieved. Feeling that we have lived, giving more importance to everything we have experienced and less value to pending things. Live the present with intensity and every day really do what we like.

3. Pending issues

We can do a list of pending situations that we want to resolve: resolve a conflict with an important person, make a will, etc... We will feel calm when resolving these issues and our feeling of guilt or responsibility for what will happen after our departure will decrease.

4. Help others

It is rewarding to help and share with other people dealing with the same situation. Share our point of view or perspective and empathize with others. Groups dedicated to this topic can be very helpful.

Finally, it is important to keep in mind that when we are dead we will not feel or suffer, there will not be all the worries that we have before that moment. Our fear is in life, and it is what limits us and subtracts quality time before the end.

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of duel and their characteristics"

Helping a loved one in the final phase of life

After receiving the news that a loved one is in the final stage of their life, we will initially have to deal with a personal grief. Once we have properly managed that reality through acceptance, we can help our loved one. Here are some guidelines that are helpful in this situation.

1. Your presence

It will be important for your loved one to feel that you are close. Sometimes it is not necessary to talk and a smile, a caress or being next to you will be just as comforting.

2. Talk about death

Many people at the end of life need to talk about death; if you are prepared, it will be important to listen actively. Avoid changing the subject or downplaying it, not only will it not reduce the discomfort of the loved one but it will also feel more misunderstood.

On many occasions it is not necessary to even give answers since the person in the terminal phase may ask questions as a reflection, you just have to listen and reflect with it, you are carrying out a process of integration and meaning at find.

3. Psychological attention

Your loved one may need to deal with all the fears and worries that they experience. Seeking professional help will be of great help.

4. Isolation

Sometimes the person who is in the final phase withdraws, avoids loved ones, or refuses to be seen. You must understand that it is a natural process that can occur, do not take it personally. It is a natural process oriented towards disconnection with life.

Grief after the loss of a loved one

After the loss of a loved one, we will start a necessary process to be able to understand and integrate all the thoughts, emotions and feelings that we experience. Finally, when we finish the duel, if it has been done in an adaptive way, we can give a purpose to life and a direction with meaning. Here are some guidelines that can help during a grieving process:

1. Talk about your loved one

It is comforting to talk about it with close people or friends. Feeling and remembering that it has been in our life is necessary. Not talking or trying to hide memories can take us away from reality and isolate us, being able to general an intense emotional discomfort.

2. Acceptance of feelings

Will experience many feelings such as sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration. Recognizing and naming them will make you aware of what you are experiencing and will be able to accept them as natural and necessary.

3. take care of yourself

You will need to make an effort but you will need to take care of yourself (eat well, exercise and rest). Taking care of other family members in need will also help.

4. Help others

Share your feelings and thoughts with other people dealing with the same situation, it is very comforting.

5. Remember to be loved on important dates

You can continue to integrate the memory into your life and remembering your loved one along with other important people.

6. Professional Help

If you feel that the situation is untenable, you are not alone, see a psychology professional. An adaptive grief is important to continue with our life.

If you are going through these situations, I can accompany you and help you. I am Verónica Valderrama Hernández from PsicoalmeriaAs a psychologist, I will teach you to work fear, anxiety or guilt in a more adaptive way.

If you or a close family member need to deal with the death-related grief, with my support, training and experience will develop the resilience and psychological strategies necessary to dampen feelings negatives.