The 8 keys to emotional communication as a couple

Often there are many couples who come to my office with problems in which an agreement has not been reached between them due to problems that have arisen. Many times the emotional response of some of them is based on two points: shut up (as if it were magically going to be fixed) or run away from the problem (never deal with it again).

This obviously only makes the problem bigger, since hiding the trash under the carpet at the end will cause us to trip over it when we step over it and fall. It is in what a badly solved couple conflict translates: in hidden garbage so as not to be treated that in a moment Given annoys us and makes that nauseating smell cloud our thoughts, being able to do nothing but face he. The way to confront us will be externalizing it.

Unfortunately, in the people with poor emotional communication in relationships These kinds of problems are frequent, with behaviors that create frustration and anxiety in others when they see us strange and do not understand each other.

• Related article: "6 keys to avoid absurd couple arguments"

Key ideas of emotional communication in the life of a couple

The 8 keys that I am going to present to you so that you can put emotional communication into practice are simple to follow; we go with them.

1. 5-second rule: before you express something, count

It is important that we do not fall into impulse when we express ideas. Many times we respond for a heater thinking that they are provoking us, which makes us shout to the sky and say things without thinking about them. For this reason, I propose that before speaking you try to calm down and count 5 Mississippi. It seems silly, but trust me, it works.

2. Now or never: what bothers you, speak it in the moment

It's funny, but... Have you sometimes exploited for a foolish thing, remembering something else that bothered you at the time? Don't you realize how unconsciously you drag unresolved conflicts? To do this, it is important to say something when he bothers you, even if you think it is a small thing. Talking about it in a constructive way helps it to be solved and our partner sees the things that bother usas it is no guess.

3. Constant tone: no screaming

Be careful, shapes are the last thing to lose. Raising the tone in a conversation causes us to break one of the main norms, respect. That is why it is important to maintain a constant tone, not too high (implies aggressiveness) nor too low (implies arrogance). Maintaining a stable and clear voice thread will allow us to exchange opinions much better.

4. One goal: I'm like this because ...

It is important that we clarify what we are talking about.

More than once we have noticed our strange partner and without knowing what happens to him, until in a moment we squeeze him and he tells us his anger. Therefore, to avoid this, when we have discomfort it is best to express the problem, and as a result we will discuss it with our partner, remembering to keep the points previously exposed.

5. Express the problem from what it has made you feel

It seems like a good idea to me and it is what works best, since so you do not start your debate from an accusation, but by showing how you feel, and that will make your partner see that he has made you feel bad and that you start from a point of internal reflection, which will make things easier to be able to face them.

6. Non-verbal behavior: hands, smile, look at eyes

Logically, we cannot carry out good communication while we are watching TV or avoiding situations and talking as we leave. When one of the two wants to start a conversation, it is important to look into his eyes, that we are both at the same height (if he is sitting we too), and if we are busy at the time, propose to continue the conversation a little later in order to focus our attention on the conversation 100%.

After all, if they talk to us sitting from the ground and we standing up, it will be a bit uncomfortable. Therefore, being able to speak face to face is essential and will make things easier.

• You may be interested: "A review of the ways in which relationship problems are approached from psychology."

7. Your partner is not a fortune teller

Many times, our verbal communication is influenced by supposed beliefs that we make based on how our partner should act, becoming teachers and transforming the relationship into a continuous examination based on constant evaluation.

In situations like this, the other feels that he has to satisfy all our shortcomings of the moment and approve all the tests that we give you, such as: say good morning, answer our calls, do not leave us in read in WhatsApp, etc. In this way we will become selfish (and incidentally, controllers), not allowing it to be less attentive to us for his personal reasons, (that he may be having a bad time at work, that he is worried about something, etc.).

Thus, we adopt a very childish and immature posture called "yoism", in which only our health, our routine, our state of mind matter... In short, we only import ourselves and we project onto the other person who must be a slave to our state of mind, thus being aware of us full-time. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you should ask if everything is okay and stop expecting behaviors and drawing conclusions?

8. Wait for it to finish

In emotional communication as a couple, you have to be clear about something: learning to listen is essential.

If you start a conversation or start it with you, wait for it to end. Leaving in the middle of an argument not only makes things worse, it also prevents the matter from being settled. Respect turns and take the opportunity to speak when it's your turn. In this way, you can make it clear what is bothering you and what can be done.

It is important, during these talks, that common solutions are reached through an agreement; see them like this and not as a toll in which you have to pay in the form of a downpour before which we only intend to listen so that it happens and be able to continue doing our things. In short, I propose you to debate.

Conclution

As he said: patience is the mother of science, and in romantic relationships, if we stop to listen patiently and form a communication based on trust, we will achieve a better relationship. For more information do not hesitate to contact me.