Frequent conflicts in relationships, and solutions in therapy

A relationship is an experience that directly or indirectly influences practically all aspects of life. Clearly, this is positive, because emotional and physical support is reflected in many aspects of the day to day. However, that also means that conflict in relationships can come from many directions.

In this article we will see what are the main types of conflicts in a couple relationship, and various forms of intervention used in couples therapy to solve them.

• Related article: "The 7 areas of exploration of problems in couples therapy"

Types of frequent conflicts in couple relationships

The main types of conflicts treated in couples therapy can be grouped into these categories.

1. Jealousy in the relationship

Jealousy is among the most frequent sources of discomfort in those who experience problems in their relationships, especially among young people. These kinds of problems feed on personal insecurities, the desire to control unilaterally what happens in the relationship, by gender roles, and other aspects that often act combining Yes.

2. Lack of time together

Poor organization and time management mean that many couples can barely spend a few hours a week in each other's company. This lack of quality time together is often a problem in itself, and it also acts as a catalyst. of all the potential discomfort factors in that relationship.

3. Differences regarding future plans

Although the day-to-day experience of life as a couple is focused on the present, it is inevitable that from time to time you think about the implications to stay in that long-term relationship, and how that fits in with each other's expectations of what she wants to do with her own lifetime. Y when imbalances are detected in this, anxiety and insecurity appear about whether the relationship has a future.

For example, the degree to which you want to have sons or daughters can sow discord if there are significant differences in the preferences of each; The same happens with everything related to where you want to live, the level of income you want to have at a certain point in life.

4. Trouble assigning household chores

These types of conflicts are often based on gender roles.: women tend to feel more pressure to do household chores “by default”. However, these asymmetries can occur in either direction in heterosexual couples, and the discomfort is especially intense when this is added to work stress and lack of time to to rest.

5. Lack of confidence due to infidelities

Infidelities they almost always give rise to a deep gap in affective and coexistence dynamics, generating a couple crisis. The fundamental aspect of these crises is usually the lack of trust in the other, the idea that it is no longer worth it to continue being involved in the relationship.

6. Differences in the degree to which you think about yourself or the relationship

If one person clearly tends to think more of himself than the other In all matters relating to life as a couple, conflicts are to be expected. This happens through everyday life; for example, by forgetting relevant aspects that the other person has explained during the meal, by not remembering an anecdote together that at the time was special, etc.

7. Problems in the relationship with the other person's family

This type of conflict with third parties can generate another conflict within the relationship, due to the tension of having to position themselves before discussions, before family commitments, etc.

8. Taboo subjects in the intimate and sexual sphere

Although what is expected in a relationship is trust and intimacy, this does not always reach all aspects of life; The fear of talking about issues related to sexuality and nudity before the other can feed insecurities and the habit of avoiding certain topics.

Strategies used in couples therapy

When it comes to helping people solve these kinds of conflicts, couples therapy has several resources and strategies. These are the most used.

1. Using discussion management techniques

Arguments don't have to mean fighting; They can also be a way to solve existing problems before, reaching a common ground in which the interests of both are respected.

2. Training in assertiveness techniques

Assertiveness helps us not to leave anything important in the pipeline and to express how we feel whenever that is important, and despite knowing that it can annoy the listener. The key is to strike a balance between defending your own point of view and respecting and empathizing with the other.

3. Use of self-registrations

These personal diaries of emotions serve to enhance self-knowledge and learn to better manage your own feelings (and how to channel them).

4. Reorganization of values ​​and priorities

Manage your own thoughts and interests It is key to not making our doubts and insecurities hinder the development of the couple relationship, taking into account that there must always be a series of commitments.

5. Training in the expression of positive feelings

This allows everything that makes the relationship a pleasant context to be manifested; It is not only important to see positive aspects in the other, you also have to make it known without fear of exposing yourself in this way.

6. Detection of problematic thoughts and behaviors

Through joint and individual work, it is achieved that people detect recurring behavior patterns in time that indicate mismanagement of expectations and the perception of the other. This is very useful in cases of jealousy, for example.

Are you looking for psychological assistance to solve relationship problems?

If you are interested in starting a couples therapy process, get in touch with us. On Psychoconsulting We work by offering strategies and techniques that allow us to learn new ways of relating, communicating and managing emotions and their impact on the affective bond and coexistence.

In addition, we work offering individualized psychotherapy to overcome problems such as anxiety disorders, low self-esteem, time management, impulse regulation, and more. You can find us in our consultation located in Barcelona, ​​or take advantage of the online therapy modality that we offer.

Bibliographic references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
• Mathes, E. (1991). A Cognitive Theory of Jealousy. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy. New York: Guilford Press.
• Shackelford, T.K.; Voracek, M.; Schmitt, D.P.; Buss, D.M.; Weekes-Shackelford, V.A.; Michalski, R.L. (2004). Romantic jealousy in early adulthood and in later life. Human Nature. 15 (3): 283 - 300.