How do your expectations influence your relationship with your partner?

Have you ever felt dissatisfaction in your relationship with your partner? it's possible This is because you have different expectations regarding your relationship with your partner.

In this article we will explore precisely this topic: how our expectations about the relationship make us live the latter in a certain way, for better or for worse.

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Expectations in the relationship

From childhood we form in our minds concepts of how the world works, about how things around us are and, of course, how a couple “should be”. For example, there are many people who believe that man has to be the one to take the initiative, conquer, etc.

In fact, a large number of studies indicate that the central aspect of relationships is not the characteristics of our partner or the present moment that we live with them, but the idealized perception and expectations we have about our relationship (García Figueroa, 2005).

According to Galindo (2002), the expectations that are had about the partner are one of the factors that influence the choice of one partner or another. And these expectations

they work as a conflict trigger and even leading couples to divorce. Why does this happen?

It seems that we perceive reality influenced by our wants and needs, attributing attributes that help us to overcome these obstacles in life. The risk of basing a relationship on the satisfaction of our expectations is dangerous, because we can find our unfulfilled expectations and gift, a love failure. Isn't it to think twice?

The worst thing about all this is that it is something that people do not know and do not even consider when they start their relationship. That is, there are many couples who come together because of the attraction of the first moment, and that is how, without saying a word about what each one expects from the other, the relationship begins. These two people will not realize your different expectations until a conflict arises. A conflict why? For anything.

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The spark that ignites the conflict

If one of the members begins to see that her partner is not behaving as a boyfriend or girlfriend should act, this will already be a reason for discussion. The more the expectations and concepts of what a relationship should be differ between the two, the worse; greater will be the disagreements. People become disappointed or are more satisfied with their relationship as their expectations are fulfilled.

The Journal of Family Psychology published an investigation by Sivan George-Levi in ​​which the expectations of couples were compared with the satisfaction they showed. The results showed that people who expected too much from their relationships were consistently dissatisfied.

How does having too high expectations hurt you?

The expectations of how a couple has to be are formed at a very early age, from what we have been told, we have seen around us or even in the movies. Too high expectations of how the other's behavior should be can lead to the fact that, obviously, the person does not conform to our demands. This will inevitably cause a conflict in the couple, so it is convenient to make a review of whether what we are asking is, in fact, realistic.

How does having too low expectations hurt you?

If this is your case, be careful. Having low expectations can lead you to make no demands on your partner at all. You keep saying "well, this is what it is" and you end up settling for little when you could have much more. Don't fall into this trap. In addition, if you do not demand, you may not obtain and you will believe that it is because life or your partner is like that. Don't settle for less.

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How does not having expectations hurt you?

Without expectations you don't know what you want. And if you don't know what you want... How you gonna go for it How are you going to tell your partner which things feel bad or which don't? Just because you don't realize it doesn't mean you don't have expectations. Even when a person maintains a sporadic relationship and says he has no expectations with the other person, he does; in this case, the idea of ​​having fun and leaving. What do you expect from the other person? Nothing. A "no compromise". That the other person does not behave like a partner with whom she has a commitment. And that is an expectation. Have you ever considered this?

The need to find emotional balance

If you notice that you and your partner have different expectations regarding your relationship, it may be time to address the issue directly. Exposing your opinions will help you to be clear about what you can expect from the other, as well as not to get frustrated when your wishes are not fulfilled and to understand the behaviors and attitudes of your partner.

Bibliographic references:

• Galindo Leal, H. (2002). Unfulfilled prenuptial expectations and their relationship with marital failure (Master's thesis). Autonomous University of Nueva León, Monterrey (Mexico).

• García Figueroa, A. V; Sánchez Aragón, R. (2005). Expectations: Construction of an ideal? In the II Encounter, participation of women in science. Conference held on the 25th anniversary of UNAM, Mexico.

• Sánchez Aragón, Rozzana; (2009). Expectations, perception and maintenance strategies in love relationships. Teaching and Research in Psychology, July-December, 229-243.