The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship with your partner

Sometimes it seems that Couple relationships they take a lot of work and become horribly complicated. But if we stop to think, we realize that having a healthy relationship is very simple always and when both partners are able to let go of their own insecurities and bad experiences from the past.

In couple relationships is where the most affective deficiencies and the irrational beliefs that each of the people has been acquiring throughout her life history. Inappropriate patterns learned in childhood are replicated and many times act through a biased way of seeing the world.

A culture that does not promote healthy love relationships

From my point of view, the society we live in is not exactly conducive to healthy relationships. The songs, the movies of Disney, the T.V. series and romantic novels show us a conception of the love that it is not real and they favor a series of beliefs about the relationships of couples that they do not help these to be maintained over time in a satisfactory way.

In this article I want to talk about keys to having a healthy relationship, of the keys so that two people, each with their own personality, with their experiences and with their way of seeing life, they can contribute something to each other for a long time (sometimes, a lifetime).

What are the 7 keys to maintaining a healthy relationship?

If I had to say a single indicator of whether a relationship should continue, it would be the following: Does your relationship add or subtract you? ¿Helps you to be better and develop as a person? Or, on the contrary, does it limit you and is it a source more of discomfort than of positive emotions?

1. Always love from freedom

Love from freedom, it means to be clear that the other does not belong to you, that the other is a person who freely decides to maintain a relationship with you and is therefore free to leave at any time. Loving from freedom means accepting that the other has the right to make the decisions that he wants, and to choose what he wants to do with her life.

Means that each one should have their private space, their privacy. Loving from freedom means that we want to share our life with the other, but that we do not need it. It means accepting that we are two different people and not one pack Two in one, it means putting our insecurities aside and getting the other to be with us because he wants to and not through manipulations that prevent him from finding a better person. It means that our partner knows thousands of people but still prefers us.

2. Learn to communicate

A good comunication is one of the basic pillars of the couple, since dialogue is what allows us to create a life project in common, where it is very important to negotiate, give in and reach agreements.

Proper communication can make arguments become constructive and bring the couple closer together, rather than separating them and creating grudges. In addition, reserving a daily space to talk with our partner about anything is an excellent habit that will help to strengthen and maintain a satisfactory relationship.

The area in which inadequate communication gives the most problems is that of discussions. You can learn to discuss in a constructive way, in which we contribute our point of view with respect and explain how we are feeling, without having to enter a vicious circle of reproaches and accusations in which we most likely end up arguing about something that happened years ago, leaving aside the issue that started the discussion.

I leave you some guidelines for learning to argue constructively:

• Discuss only one topic at a time.
• Talk about how you feel, do not accuse the other.
• Avoid generalizations (always, never, everything, nothing) and talk about a concrete fact.
• Use a polite tone and avoid discussing a topic when your anger level is very high.
• Ask for what you want, specify the change (for example: I would like the next time we go to my mother's house before lunch and not in the middle of the afternoon).
• Do not go into reproaches of the other person and ignore if he attacks you or changes the subject. (For example: We can talk about this topic if you want at another time, now I'm trying to tell you that ...).
• End the review with something good (ex: I thank you for listening to me and I hope this issue is resolved as I love being good with you).
• Practice the assertive communication.

I know that doing this is really complicated, and that sometimes what you want is to yell at your partner and throw objects around the house, but I assure you that if you take a deep breath, wait for your activation level to drop to speak and use these guidelines you will get much better results.

3. Learn to think green

Each person has had different experiences and a different prior learning history so he has a different personality and see the world in a different way than yours.

If you wear blue glasses and I ask you what color do you see the world, you will answer me blue, right? And surely no matter how hard I try to show you that it is yellow, and that you are not seeing it in the right way, it will be impossible for you to agree with me since your world is really blue.

Our learning history makes us see the world in one color or another, and for us the world will simply be that color because we see it that way. The problem is when for one of the members of the couple the world is blue and for the other it is yellow, this is the time to think green.

You do not always have to agree on what your partner thinks, I think we are too stubborn to be right, when the ultimate goal is to resolve the conflict.

When you detect that you both have completely different points of view, instead of continuing to argue about being right and getting your way, proposes intermediate solutions in which both points of view are included. Neither blue nor yellow Green!

4. Share quality time with your partner

Share quality time with your partner is a key element so that the relationship does not end up mired in routine. I understand that sometimes we have a very busy life and we practically live it on automatic pilot without realizing what is happening to around us, but reserving some time to share it with your partner should be among your priorities if your goal is to maintain a relationship healthy.

Going out for dinner sometime, a weekend getaway, your favorite movie with popcorn, etc ...

5. Never stop caring for the relationship

At the beginning of relationships we usually show our best part to the other, we are detailed, we say compliments, etc... However over time these gestures tend to decrease until sometimes they disappear. Relationships are like plants, if you don't water them, they die. So if you want to keep your relationship fresh and colorful, never stop watering it.

Something as simple as telling the other how handsome he is today, give him flowers, invite him to dinner, take him to the place where you met, etc... can keep the relationship in an excellent state for a long time.

6. When you want the other to change, change you

I think we spend too much trying to change people, most of the time to no avail. People only change when they want to change, or when their environment changes.

Therefore, if what we want is for our partner to change, the best we can do is change us.

If we want him to stop going out so much with his friends, it will surely work better to thank him for the days that he stays with you all late to reproach him every time he goes out, if we want him to be more affectionate.How about we start showing more of a gesture of Dear?

7. Respect and trust

Without respect and trust, there is no possibility of a healthy partner. To love is to respect and trust, and without respect and trust there is simply no love.

Relationships based on jealousy and disrespect are destined for failure. Not to mention the infidelity cases in marriage.

Concluding

In summary, although we could add a few more points, from my point of view these are the seven key points so that a relationship can work in the long term and be satisfactory for both members of the partner.