The Miguel Ángel effect: what is it and how does it affect relationships?

Relationships are characterized by mutual influence between the people involved in a marriage or courtship. Part of these influences have to do with what in psychology is known as the Michelangelo effect.

In this article, we will explain what it is and what is the Michelangelo effect, to what phenomenon it is linked, what positive consequences it generates and how it can be used in psychological therapy.

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What is the Michelangelo effect?

The Michelangelo effect is the modeling process, of sculpting, that occurs in couples with the purpose that each member of this can develop their ideal self. This is how each member of the couple acts as reinforcement and support so that the other can achieve his goals and evolve to show the best version of him.

It is important to note that this effect will be mutual, that is, it will be reciprocal in the relationship and always with the purpose of helping the other, not with the intention of changing them to our liking.

So we see how the couple can be essential for a correct and optimal personal development, since if we do not have the support of our partner, it will be much more difficult to achieve that goal. Given its importance in the field of intimate relationships, this effect has been used in couple therapies to make them healthier and more satisfactory.

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The relationship of the Michelangelo effect with the Pygmalion effect

The Pygmalion effect is observed when the beliefs of one individual influence the behavior of another. A typical example of this we have it in the beliefs or the conception that a teacher has of the student of him. If the expectations presented are positive, the student is more likely to obtain better results; On the other hand, if his conception of the student is bad, his grades and behavior will be more likely to be worse.

So that, This effect may have a positive or negative impact on the person of whom the belief is held.. If these are positive, it will generate an increase in the subject's self-esteem and functioning; on the contrary, if they are negative we will see that their self esteem, as well as the quality or behavior related to the belief.

We therefore see that for this phenomenon to occur it is necessary that the belief about someone is firm, that the subject that has it encourages in the achievement of such belief and that there is hope that this comply. Related to this last point, we see that this effect ties in with self-fulfilling prophecy, which says that the simple manifestation of expectations makes the person in question show or fulfill those expectations.

This phenomenon can have a powerful effect, since it gives us the possibility of influencing another person by modifying their behavior and ensuring that our beliefs or expectations are met. It is for this reason that this effect has been studied in different areas, both social, work, family, couple or educational. If we make good use of it, with positive beliefs and expectations, we can reap powerful benefits.

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The Michelangelo effect on couple dynamics

Once the Pygmalion effect has been explained and understood, we will see the particular case of the Michelangelo effect that will be observed in couple relationships, positively affecting them.

It is no coincidence that this effect is named after the famous Italian sculptor, since this phenomenon consists of sculpting; each member of the couple will model the other according to how they imagine or wish their ideal self to be. We understand by ideal I the characteristics or qualities that we would like to have both internal and external, as well as the goals and purposes that we want to achieve.

In this way, the process of sculpting to achieve the ideal I, the maximum exponent of each one, will be carried out mutually by the two members of the couple, and the way to increase these characteristics or qualities will be through positive reinforcement: if we show that we like a behavior, it is more likely that it will increase and repeat itself.

It may seem paradoxical, but we observe how the bond with another person and the support and reinforcement we receive from them It is one of the most powerful elements for our personal development and does not depend only on a job or process individual.

We see how an important element to highlight is the mutual and positive effect that is generated: this phenomenon is not only reflects the influence of one member of the couple on the other, and this influence cannot be negative. If we know that being patient is an important quality for our partner, but we do not value this characteristic and We did not reinforce it, we would not be evolving correctly, and in this case we could not speak of the Michelangelo effect.

Likewise, it is important to emphasize that this relationship of modification that is established is healthy and balanced. That is, we must not fall into the error of interpreting this effect as a toxic relationship where the intention is to change the other as we want, without focusing on reinforcing the positive characteristics that we know are important for our partner, but we want to model it to our liking without ever having the intention of change.

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Perceived mutual instrumentality

A term linked to this effect is that of perceived mutual instrumentality, which, far from being a selfish or negative process, refers to the ability of our partner to get our best version. In this way, the couple will be seen as a positive instrument that reinforces our best qualities through the love and support that we receive before some of our best valued behaviors, thus producing a modeling that will be able to exploit our maximum potential.

Thus, we once again observe that in the field of couples each of its components will be the perfect reinforcement to enhance the positive qualities of the other, generating a mutually enriching interaction, where each member of the couple achieves their ideal self and her personal goals thanks to the constant reinforcement, support and validation that makes him her partner.

We verify that the subject chosen for such modeling is the couple and not another individual close to the person, since which is with her that there will be a stronger and constant interaction, being a fundamental pillar for us. For this reason, it is normal that we want to show our best version and that, therefore, it is easier for our ideal self to express itself.

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The achievement of our goals with support

We therefore see that the Michelangelo effect aims to work on another way to achieve our goals. Normally, and more in the society we live in, it is usual that the approach that is made to achieve our goals is individual, that is, without support and reinforcing ourselves; but since the path to achieve these goals is usually neither short nor easy It is very likely that we have moments of weakness where it is difficult for us to continue to achieve our objectives, it is for this reason that the reinforcement and external support of our partner.

Having someone who encourages us to continue, who gives us their unconditional support, who reminds us of our positive qualities and all the good things we have, is essential to help us in our worst moments and not remain anchored in the bad, thus avoiding complications or worse consequences such as mood or anxiety.

This function of acting as a reinforcement, will normally be performed by our partner, since it will be the person with whom Let's share more time, being a powerful support element, since it is someone we value and is important to us. If, on the contrary, we do not feel supported by our partner, it is very likely that we will not be able to achieve our purposes.

The power of this effect will fall on the good intention and the full knowledge that we have of the other person, said of another In this way, this phenomenon will achieve its effect if the intention of the couple is not to change the other, but to get the best out of him. Therefore, the objective is altruistic, we do not act for our own benefit, but with the purpose of helping and support the other in the achievement of their goals and in the development of their best traits and abilities.

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The usefulness of the Michelangelo effect in couples therapy

Thus, we see the importance of the other person, especially those with whom we establish a more intense bond, in achieving our goals and developing our qualities. This effect is used in psychological therapy to treat relationship problems, with the objective that the therapist trains and reinforces the perception of the positive characteristics of the other and not only focus on the bad.

In this way, it has been seen that the increase in reinforcement and positive consideration of the other and the Empowerment of the ideal Ego makes the couple relationship more stable and the subjects are more satisfied with it. In the same way, achieving the full development of each member will be the only way to achieve a healthy relationship.