6 myths about couples therapy

Couples therapy is an area of ​​work that lends itself to many erroneous beliefs, for various reasons. On the one hand, series, films and audiovisual media in general have come to caricature this discipline until it becomes unrecognizable. On the other hand, it often creates confusion for couples to go to experts who theoretically specialize in mental health.

This is the reason why in this article we will review some of the most important myths about couples therapy, indicating why certain ideas about it are inaccurate or directly untrue.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

The 6 most important myths about couples therapy

These are the most widespread misconceptions about couples therapy

1. The psychologist resolves disputes

The task of psychologists who offer couples therapy is not to resolve arguments or disputes in general, but to help resolve the dynamics behavioral issues that make you tend to argue frequently (if one of the reasons you go to therapy is this).

2. Only emotionally unstable people go to couples therapy

This is a simplification that does not correspond at all to reality. While it is true that people who have a marked neuroticism are more likely to have problems in their relationships affective (statistically), this does not mean that there are not many other reasons why there may be reasons to go to therapy partner.

3. The psychologist modifies the personality of those who do not adapt to the couple

Personality is a set of very stable psychological traits that define the way of being of people.

Although it changes a little throughout life and even in some cases it can change a lot, this is not the objective of couples therapy, which focuses on much more concrete and easy-to-define objectives so that they can give rise to agreements and commitments easy to monitor (to see if the objectives are met or not).

4. In therapy there is a catharsis that resolves the conflict

The goal of couples therapy is not to generate situations in which clients reach a point where they express their repressed emotions and thoughts to the degree maximum intensity and honesty so that the problem the couple is going through is resolved in a matter of minutes, once both people have taken a load off their shoulders.

Although honesty is an essential element for couples therapy to work well, simply expressing feelings does not have to solve anything. To improve the health of the relationship, you have to go through other boxes, among which we find again find common values ​​and projects, and build a new commitment that will backbone the relationship from there go ahead.

5. Couples therapy consists of arguing

Another of the myths about couples therapy that is heard the most is that it is a space focused on the act of arguing, fighting with the other to see who is right. It is true that heated discussions are not uncommon in these sessions, but simply facing the other person does not solve anythingAlthough expert couples therapy psychologists maintain a neutral role as professionals, they are not there to referee a boxing match.

Arguments are a consequence of dealing with personal and sometimes sensitive topics throughout these sessions, and in any case the logic of removing the other's reason to win a symbolic battle not only does it not help, but it is an obstacle to the progress of the therapy.

• You may be interested: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

6. The breakup means the failure of couples therapy

To think that the goal of couples therapy is to avoid breaking up at all costs is not to fully understand nature affective relationships, because the truth is that sometimes the best solution is to end the courtship or the marriage; in fact, there are those who go to therapy knowing that he wants to break, and just to please the other person.

The goal of couples therapy is to continue the relationship in the best possible way, either to make it last or to make it end in the best possible terms.

In addition, as in everything, there are always certain risks that things do not go well, and couples therapy may fail regardless of whether or not there is a breakup. For example, if the professional does not know how to create a climate of trust in which a married couple feels that they can express themselves without fear of receiving disapproval.

Looking for couples therapy services?

If you live in the Madrid area and are interested in going to couples therapy, we invite you to get in touch with our team of psychologists at the center UPAD Psychology and Coaching, located in Argüelles. Here you will find professionals with experience in intervening in cases of marital or dating crisis such as constant arguments, jealousy, boredom in the time spent in the company of the other, lack of confidence due to infidelity, etc.

Bibliographic references:

• Bermúdez, C., Brik, E. (2010). Systemic Family Therapy. Madrid, Spain: Synthesis.
• Bustamante, J. (2016). Sexuality and Couples Therapy: The Couple from a Global Approach. Madrid, Spain: UNED.
• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Christensen, A., Atkins, D.C., Yi, J., Baucom, D.H. and George, W.H. (2006). Couple and individual adjustment for 2 years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 74 (6): pp. 1180 - 1191.