12 tips to better manage couple arguments

Arguments as a couple do not have to be harmful, as long as we know how to handle them properly and express our feelings in a natural and constructive way. Since this is not always an easy task, throughout this article we will see 12 keys that will help us manage couple arguments in the most satisfactory way for both of you.

• Related article: "The 14 most common problems in relationships"

Disputes in love relationships

When we fall in love and we are also lucky to be reciprocated, our mind is immersed in a state of well-being and absolute happiness that can hardly be clouded by other factors external.

At the beginning of relationships, any external concern becomes light and fleeting, since the feeling of well-being produced by falling in love works as a counterweight to all those breakdowns of head.

But unfortunately, the infatuation phase does not last a lifetime, and as time passes the romantic euphoria diminishes. As a consequence, any event, both outside the relationship and its own, can be a stressor that ends up affecting our intimate relationship.

The conflicts of coexistence and the couple relationship, economic problems and, even, the Work ups and downs are likely to end in a couple's argument that we can't always (or know about) handle. However, couple discussions are not only inevitable, but they are also absolutely necessary if we know how to manage them correctly.

Contrary to what many think, arguing from time to time in the couple is something habitual and normal. And as long as they are not excessively frequent discussions, nor are they violent, the appearance of discrepancies is natural when two people share any area of ​​their life in a very intense way.

It is necessary to clarify that, when we speak of arguing, we are referring to a debate, an exchange of opinions that in no case includes disrespect, aggressiveness or violence. In a couple who do not argue, it is very likely that one of the two is repressing their ideas or opinionsEither out of fear of creating conflicts and not knowing how to solve them correctly, or because of pressure from the other person.

In either case, this situation is impossible to maintain in time without one of the two parties not being able to hold out any longer. In this way, any small conflict, which could have been resolved in time and without further consequences, is magnified and accompanied by other conflicts that have been restrained.

12 tips to manage couple arguments

Problems need to be addressed in order to solve them, even if this means being forced to have an argument, sometimes uncomfortable, with our partner. With the intention of facilitating this moment, we will review a list of techniques or tips to manage a couple's discussion in a satisfactory way. With these suggestions we will not avoid the discussion, but we will avoid the mistakes that we all tend to make and that cause great discomfort.

These are the guidelines to carry out a discussion in an orderly manner, trying not to let our feelings take over us and ending it in the most successful way possible.

1. Know how to identify and express our own emotions

Our reactions and responses in an argument are not the same if it is driven by anger, as if it is driven by sadness or frustration. To be able to identify what we feel And what is its cause is essential to know how to handle it and find a solution to the problem that generates this negative feeling.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence? Discovering the importance of emotions"

2. Recognize if there is a real underlying reason

In many of the couple's arguments that take place in a heated way over a specific problem, such as doing some household chores, are a symptom that there is a major conflict underlying.

This actual discord or controversy fuels the little problems. Therefore it is necessary to know what is the real origin of our anger; In order to solve it at its roots and avoid intense disputes due to minor conflicts.

3. Promote dialogue, don't avoid it

As discussed at the beginning of the article, it is necessary to assimilate that avoiding dialogue with the intention of avoiding a possible fight; as well as ignoring the conflictive situation or always agreeing with the couple only are avoidance techniques that fuel more and more frustration.

This will only help us accumulate negative feelings that will eventually come out, sooner or later. The crux of the matter is to dialogue and exchange opinions in the most calm way possible and thus achieve a constructive and calm conversation.

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4. Formulate positive responses and from the own person

There are many different ways of saying things and in discussions we tend to use an accusing tone that is not helpful at any time nor conciliatory.

Although we are convinced to be right, change the tone and accusing expressions for others formulated in first person and positively, expressing our emotions will help us so that the other person is able to put themselves in our place.

5. Never disrespect

This is perhaps one of the most difficult points. Couple arguments they tend to have a much more intense emotional component, so at certain times we can be tempted to let ourselves be carried away by anger, saying things that we do not really think and even disrespecting the partner.

We should never underestimate the value of our words, since a discussion in which anger moves our expressions can cause harm, both in the other person and in the couple, many times irreparable.

In the same way, the use of reproaches or recriminations towards the other person, they will never favor the development of a satisfactory dialogue.

6. Knowing how to choose the right moment

In most cases it is more advisable to postpone a discussion than to carry it out in an environment or place that is not the right one. We must find a moment of privacy, in which both people feel comfortable to express their feelings openly, and without other people being present.

In the same way, it is essential to have enough time to speak. The rush is never convenient in an argument, since it is most likely that one of the two ends up cutting it off abruptly and then it will be much more difficult to resume it.

7. Make no decision at the moment

Making decisions "hot" and motivated by our feelings is never a good idea. When we let these negative emotions make the decisions for us, we can make decisions that we really do not want and that we will later have to redeem or repent.

Therefore, it is better to end the discussion and reflect, once the spirits have calmed down, if you have to make any kind of decision regarding the relationship or couple dynamics it means.

8. Forget about pride

Just as it is necessary to recognize our emotions, it is also necessary to be assuming that we are not always right. If we are the ones who have made a mistake, we must swallow our pride and apologize. Surely later we will feel relieved and our partner will appreciate our effort.

9. Don't take out past problems

A very common mistake in couple arguments is to bring up problems from the past. It is essential to focus on the current issue or situation, leaving past conflicts where they are, or in the event that they generate a lot of concern in the person, leave them for another time, since this it will only reinforce the current tension.

10. Take a "time out"

In moments when we see that the discussion is getting too intense, the decision more successful is to perform a "time out" in which both temporarily move away from the discussion. This small provisional distance will favor the development of another perspective of the problem and will relax the spirits.

11. Know when to stop

Knowing when the discussion is not evolving and has become stagnant is essential so that you are not constantly repeating the same discussion patterns. At this time it is best to stop for a moment, a "time out" can be useful, and propose possible alternatives to the discussion or situation that is being held.

12. Resolve conflicts

After a discussion it is necessary be able to reach an agreed agreement with possible solutions for the problem situation. There is no use arguing for hours to reach no conclusion, since it is also very possible that the conflict will reappear.

Therefore, getting a satisfactory deal for both of you is one of the goals to set in a couple discussion.