The 7 reasons why partner jealousy appears

The jealousy They represent one of the most notable problems in couple relationships of almost all kinds of psychological profiles. Is about a phenomenon that emerges from inaccurate beliefs about reality and that it not only negatively affects the person who experiences this jealousy in the first person, but also the person towards whom it is direct obsessive thoughts, and that with the passage of time can become entrenched forming a difficult obstacle to get over.

However, jealousy they don't always have to be due to the same triggers, and can appear in a wide variety of situations, even in cases in which there is neither a couple relationship nor even an intimate relationship. The existence of this great variability of "sources" of jealousy does not mean that, in general and roughly, no basic patterns can be found in the appearance of jealousy.

Below you can learn more about the main reasons why jealousy occurs in the sphere of the couple so, from there, you can better understand how to deal with it.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

The 7 main causes of jealousy in relationships

1. Confusing the "we" with the "me"

An important part of jealousy is usually due to mismanagement of uncertainty about what the couple does and thinks. In the most extreme cases of jealousy, the simple fact of not knowing as much about the partner as what is known about oneself is something that irritates and produces anguish, but there are also many cases of moderate jealousy that feed on this same fear of ambiguity. The belief that in a couple there must be a kind of telepathic communication through which two minds merge in one it can only lead to frustration and desperate attempts to eliminate the individuality of the other person.

There is the hypothesis that the traditional romantic love promotes the appearance of this type of belief, although it has not been proven that other models of love (such as the polyamory) reduce the propensity for this source of jealousy to appear.

2. Insecurities and self-esteem issues

The unsafety It is usually one of the main reasons why the phenomenon of jealousy occurs in all types of couple relationships. Insecure people They tend to believe that in certain aspects of their day-to-day life they are at a disadvantage compared to other people, and that motivates them to be constantly looking for strategies to try to compensate for this supposedly disadvantaged situation.

When it comes to the relationship with the partner and jealousy, someone insecure may think that they are not valuable enough or attractive enough to "keep" the other person for a long time without making great sacrifices and without subjecting them to a certain surveillance. Of course, this is a serious problem that must be addressed. treating self-image and self-esteem of this person.

3. Certain tendency to paranoid personality

It is possible to display certain characteristics related to the paranoid personality without actually having a Paranoid personality disorder far from having paranoid schizophrenia. That means that there are a large number of people with a certain propensity to paranoid thoughts and that therefore show certain difficulties when it comes to trusting others.

As a result, they can give malicious intentions to their friends, partners and family, and thus become defensive. In this case, Jealousy would be a symptom of a somewhat broader problem that affects other areas of the person's social life.

4. Selective attention

Jealousy too they can be part of a pessimistic view about relationships. That is, it is possible that someone jealous is focusing her attention only in those cases in which Remember that jealousy has ended up looking like accurate intuitions about reality, be it because they have anticipated infidelity situations or because they were a sign that the relationship was ending.

This may be due to the fact that these cases are more notable for its uniqueness that ordinary cases in which jealousy is totally removed from what happens objectively.

5. The couple's reaction to our own jealousy

Jealousy is often expressed through couple crisis or small conflicts. In addition, jealousy is usually more expressed than communicated, or in other words, the person involved only comes through of them from the interpretation of our own actions, not because we speak of this jealousy in a sincere and open.

This causes the other person to change their attitude towards us, usually appearing more defensive. and vindicating their individuality, purposely doing things that "annoy us" even without realizing it.

Beyond moral considerations about whether these types of reactions are correct or not, the joint effect of this change in Attitude added to our attack of jealousy generates a loop of expectations and conflicting interests that usually aggravates the trouble.

6. The asymmetries in the sexual that occur in the couple relationship

Detect that we have sexual preferences that do not fully match what happens in intimate relationships with the other person It can lead to the assumption that we cannot satisfy her sexually, so fears are likely to arise that predispose us to jealousy. In such cases, it is necessary to attend sexual and couples therapy.

7. The fear of not fitting into gender roles

Gender roles have generated a culture in which, for centuries, a model of romantic love has been extolled in which the other is treated as a possession. Therefore, even those who do not feel love in that way, may believe that such behaviors are expected of them: expression of jealousy, controlling attitude, etc.

Concluding

These are some of the reasons that are useful to explain the appearance of jealousy, but it never hurts to remember that each case is unique. They can be taken as guidelines for self-reflection and check to what extent the jealousy felt follows the logics described here, but they are not rigid descriptions of reality.

Bibliographic references:

• Burton, N. (2015). Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions. United Kingdom: Acheron Press.
• Mathes, E. (1991). A Cognitive Theory of Jealousy. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy. New York: Guilford Press.