Problematic love: dependency, jealousy and social networks

Since we acquire the first notions of what is happening around us, we begin to hear the term "love." Love of family, friends, children... the idea of ​​a romantic couple's love is encouraged with which all the movies end, being happy and eating partridges.

But the reality is not like the one that the cinema, and especially the most childish, wants to sell it to us. That is why the first relationships that appear at puberty appear the first frustrations, when facing reality with that idealized world.

On the other hand, we cannot deny that social networks are part of our present and that they determine, with increasing force, our relationships with others and with the world. Far from approaching the reality of love, social networks show what you want others to perceive about yourself and they reinforce the idea of ​​reflecting learned models of what love is in the couple and happiness.

But the continuous and indiscriminate exposure of our privacy and movements generates in some couples a situation of control full of insecurities and mistrust

Where irrational jealousy appears, problematic love begins to show its first signs.

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

What is toxic love?

Problematic love, or toxic love, is one in which the need for control and jealousy become the basis of the relationship, where tears add more than smiles and happiness itself depends on the couple. This type of relationship erodes self-esteem, the individual's own identity, and fosters erroneous learning of what a couple relationship is, whose bond becomes difficult to break.

Falling in love is an emotional state in which happiness invades us, increases the desire to share more time with the couple, we feel valued and loved, but sometimes these feelings are increasingly limited to share with feelings of deep sadness, anguish, and fear. In the midst of those intense emotions, it is difficult to be aware of the reality of what is happening to you. put an end to that dangerous spiral.

Emotional dependence

When talking about a pathological emotional dependence, reference is made to the strong bond that is established with the couple, so that negative emotions appear in their absence. The fear that the relationship will end, the anguish that the separation produces, obsessive thoughts related to the couple and continued discomfort when not with the other person.

When this happens, the person feels incomplete without the partner, renounces himself and loses the value of his own identity, wants and needs for the benefit and under the approval of the other. This type of toxic relationship leads to low self-esteem, reflected in irrational fears and insecurities about oneself.

At the moment when your well-being depends on another person, the fear of ending the relationship is not so much the things that unite you and make you happy together, but because without that person, who is everything, there is only nothing.

This is an increasingly common problem that leads the person, once he is aware of the discomfort that his relationship produces, to go to the psychologist, where they try to promote autonomy, self-esteem and the development of correct social skills and conflict resolution. Furthermore, with the cognitive behavioral therapy you work with ideas and misconceptions about love and relationships.

Jealousy and social media

Obsessive jealousy is an increasingly common problem in young couples who see these emotional responses of excessive control as signs of love.

Although jealousy in a relationship is a sign of what matters to us and allows, through trust, to establish limits in the relationship in which both agree and favors a healthy relationship, when these are irrational and obsessive They can lead to the discomfort of the sufferer due to the anxiety and fear that it produces, as the person who suffers them, leading to the destruction of the couple.

Pathological jealousy is related to insecurities, distrust, the need for possession and the fear of breaking up, caused by a low self-esteem and a wrong idea of ​​what love is. Jealous people suffer psychological suffering that prevents them from enjoying the relationship beyond looking for reasons that justify those thoughts that generate distrust in their partner.

Social networks have appeared as the weapon that feeds the jealous and their needs for control. Photographs, stories, thoughts, ideas, where you are at each moment, are some of the information published on social networks, where interpretation and imagination can lead to the confirmation of ideas irrational. Control over the time you are online, a "like" to one. photo, who is following on the networks, as well as picking up the mobile to see private conversations that limit the intimacy, privacy and freedom of the other person.

This turns the relationship into fear, and fear leads to lies to avoid arguments and when these lies are discovered; they suppose to reinforce the previously irrational distrust and now with arguments.

This vicious circle becomes self-destructive, where love is not enough, in which mistrust and Suffering increases in a labyrinth with no way out where the breakup hurts too much but being together makes them unhappy.

The importance of reacting to the first problems

There are many couples who go to therapy when the wear and tear has already dried up to the roots of the relationship and the only thing left is to save themselves individually and begin to accept that it is over. It is advisable to go to therapy when the first indicators appear that the relationship is not healthy and jealousy increasingly conditions the relationship of the couple. To do this, self-esteem, fears and irrational beliefs generated by obsessive jealousy must be individually worked to make way for well-being.