I miss my ex-partner a lot: what can I do?

Love is one of the most rewarding experiences that human beings can live. Finding that person who understands you, who gives you the best he has to make you happy and who thinks of you night and day is truly incredible.

However, not all love relationships end well, and when love comes to an end, there is usually always one of the two who feels that he has lost a part of her soul. His heart has broken, and he reaches an apparent impasse: "I miss my ex-partner", a phrase that sums up the contradiction in which he lives plunged.

I want to get back with my ex, but...

If you identify with what you have just read and feel a great impulse to get back together with your ex-partner, in the following lines you will find the some keys that will help you understand the reasons why you should continue fighting for that love or let it go for always.

Now, first of all, you have to keep in mind that whether you come back or not depends only on you. That is why the goal should be to work to feel good about yourself

, regardless of whether you form a stable relationship with that person again. This is important and you must understand it. For this, it is necessary that you work on yourself and do not force a possible return. It must be your ex-partner who also misses you.

In addition, getting back with your ex is not always possible, because if the relationship has been traumatically broken, there are fewer chances of reconciling. The sooner you accept this reality, the less suffering and dependence you will feel towards the other person.

Why do I keep thinking about him or her?

It is also important that you know that this feeling of wanting to get back together with your ex is totally normal. In fact, when a relationship ends, there is always the need to know about the other person, even if we are the ones who have left it. Our mind works like this because we have become accustomed to her presence, to the memories of his smile, to his smell, to her voice... we associate everything with her person.

Therefore, if the ex-boyfriends continue to have contact, many times they try again and again. As Jonathan García-Allen says in his article “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”, love is like a drug and you have to get rid of the other person when a relationship ends.

Lovesickness is one of the most painful phenomena that human beings can suffer and it is something that we all have had to experience. Overcoming heartbreak takes time.

• Related article: “Healing a broken heart: 7 keys to face heartbreak”

Heartbreak hurts just like physical pain

There are many who go back in search of that person Because they don't have enough strength to advance alone. As I was saying, it is logical to want to have contact again with that someone with whom we have shared so many moments (some bad, but also many good ones).

Experiencing the desire to get back with your ex does not make you weaker, because emotional pain hurts just like physical pain. In fact, scientific neuroimaging studies have shown that the regions involved in processing physical pain are overlap with those related to emotional pain and social distress, as concluded by a Jaffe investigation carried out in 2013.

I miss my ex: what can I do?

As you can see, it is logical that you think about your ex and it hurts. We have all felt this way and you are no different from others. But to the question "I think about my ex...what can I do?", the answer is complicated. Because? Because many factors influence and each situation is different.

First of all You must assess the reason for the breakup (trying to do it in the most objective way possible and, if necessary, asking for second opinions) and then you need to reflect on whether it is really healthy for you to come back with that person. Sometimes, the desire to return is conditioned by your leave self-esteem, the fear of being alone or emotional dependence.

You should also keep in mind that it is not the same for a relationship to break up because of a simple fight than because there has been a infidelity or a lack of respect from the beginning of the courtship. So regarding what you should or should not do, that answer should be based on the situation.

After evaluating it, then you must decide if you want to continue fighting or not for a love that is worthwhile, while taking into account the predisposition of the other person: If he makes it clear that he does not want to resume contact, that must be respected..

The answer: work on you

Now, there is something you should do when you think about your ex. First of all is accept that relationships can be broken, and second, fight for your own personal development. In other words, the only thing you can do right now is focus on who loves you the most, that is, on yourself. You must fight to develop as a person, to get to know yourself better, to know what your motivations and needs are and, above all, to take action in order to achieve your goals.

It is common that, when a relationship ends, by spending so much time with another person, one must regain autonomy and learn to be alone.

It is not good to rush, because this is a period that can help you grow and develop as a person. Investing in you is the best way for the other to notice you again. Your goal, however, should not be that, but to be who you really want to be. If the other person decides to complement you, welcome.

Advantages and disadvantages of getting back with your ex

If after working on yourself and feeling good about who you are, you still think you want to go back with your ex, you must be clear that getting back with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend has a series of advantages and drawbacks.

The advantages of getting back with your ex are:

• You already know him: the situation may have gotten worse in recent months, but you know that person because you have shared many moments with him or her.

• You know that he loved you: many times the relationship is broken by different conflicts, but the feeling is still alive between you. If the cause of the breakup was not very traumatic, there may still be a chance to salvage this incredible feeling.

• You can learn from mistakes: conflicts, if resolved in a mature way, can be a great opportunity to grow.

• You can be more united: if you manage to overcome these conflicts, the union between you can be even greater.

• It can be good if there are children involved: especially if you have children, they can benefit from your return. As long as the conflicts are resolved.

• You take away the desire to try it: you remove the thorn stuck in it and you can try again. Maybe this time it will work.

The disadvantages to get back with your ex are:

• It may not be the same anymore: the damage may be so great that the connection between you has been lost. And also respect.
• You close the doors to something new: insisting on getting back with an ex can mean that you don't meet other interesting people who may contribute more to you.
• It prevents you from developing: going back and forth with that person over and over again takes away time to dedicate to yourself and does not let you get out of this vicious circle.
• There can be a great resentment: if you have broken up many times, the resentment accumulates.
• Damage can increase: If the grudge increases, there is also a greater chance that the relationship between you will end worse than it was.

If you want to delve into these advantages and disadvantages, you can do so in our article: “6 problems and 6 advantages of getting back together with your ex-partner”