Insecurity in the couple: signs that you have an insecure bond

Starting in a relationship is not easy, in the beginning it is natural to feel insecurity due to the uncertainty of whether the other person really accepts me as I am, if there is commitment or if the relationship it will work.

Being afraid that they will hurt us, that they will reject us or that it will not work is something natural, but we must be aware that This insecurity on the part of both or one of the members of the relationship can be a source of conflicts from which beginnings.

For this reason it is important detect signs of insecurity in the couple to be able to work on it.

Signs of insecurity in couple bonds

These are the aspects that you should pay attention to to be able to detect this type of insecure links.

1. high anxiety levels

When you don't know what your partner is doing, he doesn't answer you, and your mind begins to race with ideas like "don't mind me", "he's not interested in me", you get very anxious and try to contact urgently. Given this, try taking ten or fifteen minutes to calm down, try to distract yourself, do your things and enjoy yourself.

• Related article: "What is anxiety: how to recognize it and what to do"

2. You are gauging the interest of the other person based on the initiative they take

You pay attention to aspects such as that he proposes to meet you, that he makes efforts, you need him to constantly tell you how much he likes you, cares about you or needs you. If you are hypervigilant and constantly measuring these signals, going over conversations, checking what the other person means, it is because you constantly feel insecure and need to reaffirm their interest in you.

3. Jealousy and constant anger when out with friends

Obviously there is a fine line between the possibility that the person does not prioritize you and does not commit himself and the own insecurity that, even if he shows you that he wants to be with you, It does not seem enough to you and you need to be constantly with that person, share time, etc. and prioritize it forgetting about your personal space.

• You may be interested in: "The types of jealousy and its different characteristics"

4. Threatened to break up or break up and constantly come back

When there are constant conflicts where communication ends up arriving at the idea that it is best to break up or take time off, but at After a few hours or days, contact is made again as if nothing had happened or even in a more caring way, this is a sign that you are in a spiral of lack of communication and constant insecurity that is difficult to change if one of the two or both do not work to change what is under those conflicts.

4. Low self-esteem

If all the time there are comparisons with exes or with other people, if you constantly state that you feel inferior or not enoughIt is a clear sign that there is an insecurity that must be worked on.

5. Appears cold or distant whenever you express insecurity

It seems contradictory, but when a person reacts to a conflict with silence, coldness or avoidance, this shows a underlying insecurity, because they are avoiding the conflict and it is usually due to low self-esteem or fear of disappointing the other, which does not being able to deal with negative emotions. This attitude further feeds the other person's insecurity.

To do?

These are some of the signs that show that there is an insecurity in the relationship that can come from only one member, or from both, and that makes it very difficult to manage conflicts. The first step is to be aware of these signs, realize and be able to work both individually and as a couple, those fears and insecurities that make it difficult for us to establish a secure bond with the people we love.

The communication is vital in this type of situation, although it is not easy to manage these conflicts when one of the two is avoidant, it is important to realize the dynamic in which one of the members is very insecure with a high level of anxiety, tries to calm his anguish, checking or forcing the other to give him security, but his partner also feels pressure or overwhelmed and tends to avoid the conflict.

What makes the insecurity of the former grow. This dynamic is difficult to break, but the key will always be to work on one's own fears, emotions and behaviors, regardless of what the other does. In the end, when you're good with yourself, your relationships with others improve a lot.