How to overcome a couple crisis due to fertility problems

The dream of many couples is to have children and, sadly, some of them cannot fulfill it. Infertility can affect the lives of these couples so much that the reception of the diagnosis initiates a true mourning, a process as hard as the loss of a loved one.

Knowing that you cannot have children initiates a crisis in the relationship. Both the man and the woman live it very hard, having to accept that that little person with whom they had dreamed so much would arrive, will probably never arrive.

Whether the possibility of having children is slim or impossible, there are several strategies that we can use to overcome the couple crisis caused by fertility problems. Next we will discover how to achieve it.

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The keys to overcoming a couple crisis due to fertility problems

Having children is part of the life project of many people. In heterosexual relationships, the arrival of a child is expected to be something relatively easy, simply by getting the woman pregnant. Some couples take longer, others less, but most of them who want to have children end up getting it. It is a mere matter of time and insistence, at least, on most occasions.

Nevertheless, in the search to fulfill this project, some discover that something is not working properly. No matter how hard they try, there are no results. Worried, they go to a fertility doctor to have both the man and the woman tested to see if there are any problems. And, sadly, some discover that there really is: one of the two has fertility problems.

When a couple discovers that they cannot have children, it marks a turning point for the relationship.. If your desire to have biological children was very strong, discovering that one of the two has fertility problems can start a crisis that, poorly managed, threatens to end the relationship. Finding out that you can't have children when you want can be as traumatic as death. of a relative, a divorce or receiving the diagnosis of a venereal disease, cancer or a mental disorder.

Many couples consider a breakup when they have to deal with feelings of guilt, helplessness, lack of control, low self-esteem and great emotional burden derived from discovering that there are problems with fertility. Despite the stress that this situation produces, coping with infertility in the right way can strengthen the relationship and it will serve to adapt to the new reality and look for alternatives.

It is common for couples, after hearing the news, to try to have children in other ways. Especially if the fertility problem falls on the woman, they try to submit to medical treatments, sexual relations, programs and surgical interventions. All this supposes a burden in your daily life that, poorly processed and managed, can seriously damage your physical and mental health, in addition to his social world.

The fact that there are fertility problems does not mean that you cannot have children or that you cannot have a full relationship. There are several strategies that can help us overcome a couple crisis caused by fertility problems. Among them we highlight the following.

1. accept the situation

As a highly stressful and potentially traumatic situation, discovering that you are not very or not fertile can put you in denial. The blow is hard and accepting the situation is complicated. But it is just that, accept the situation, the first thing to do.

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2. Don't look for blame

One of the most common reactions, sadly, is guilt and blaming. In the case of guilt, whoever really has fertility problems, be it the man or the woman, feels that he is depriving the other person of having children. In other cases, the fertile member of the relationship may blame the other for not being able to bear children. Feelings of resentment and anger may be experienced between partners.

This is why it is very important that, once the diagnosis is known, avoid pointing to the other person as the cause, because The only thing that is going to be achieved with this is to worsen the situation and make the relationship look seriously harmed. Also, avoid blaming yourself. Of course, wanting to have children and not being able to have them due to fertility problems is a hard burden, but unfortunately nature sometimes plays against our wishes.

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3. encourage communication

Communication between the two is essential, not only in this crisis caused by fertility problems, but in any other. It is essential to be able to move forward, and very important not to neglect individual and couple life.

It is often the case that many couples who discover they have fertility problems isolate themselves from their friends and family members who do not have this problem, as a way of protecting themselves from feelings of anger or envy. They do not feel comfortable being in an environment where they constantly think about how others can have what they crave so much.

In these situations, it is very important to support each other, being honest when talking about fears and concerns about this problem and avoiding creating a climate of tension. The more transparent you are with this problem, the easier it will be to overcome the crisis. If one of the two isolates himself or represses his feelings, either out of frustration with the other or not to hurt him, the deterioration of the relationship will be practically inevitable and the damage that will come at the end will be even worse than expected. expected.

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4. Keep the passion alive and be spontaneous

One of the aspects that is most affected in couple crises due to fertility problems is, without a doubt, sexual relations. Both the quality and the frequency of these can decrease, for various reasons: low sexual desire, ejaculation problems, general sexual dissatisfaction, not seeing the point if they cannot be had sons…

It is essential to maintain passion and be spontaneous, not to schedule sexual relations thinking of when is the best time of the woman's menstrual cycle or the time of highest quality of the semen of the men. Sex, rather than thinking of it as a means of having children, should be seen as a healthy action to enjoy a moment of extreme intimacy with the couple.

5. go to a professional

Whether fertility problems are temporary or, apparently, chronic, it is essential to go to a professional specialized in this matter. A psychologist with experience in fertility problems will help the couple to better manage the crisis, learning to manage the emotions that this hard process undoubtedly awakens and to accept, whether you can have children or definitely not, that a full life as a couple does not necessarily imply having offspring.

With psychological help, the couple will be taught to normalize their feelings about infertility, openly express their emotions in order to achieve a balance in the relationship, helping them to look for solutions and alternatives in the event that this is the case, the possibility of a future without sons.