How to get out of a relationship that is not working? 7 key insights

How to get out of a relationship that is not working? Although surely most of us have had to face a situation like this, it is not an easy task.

And it is that relationships are complicated in themselves, and many times they put us in situations that require us to make decisions, sometimes very painful.

In this article you will find several guidelines on how to get out of a relationship that is not working, which in no case are intended to be a guide for all cases, but rather a small support to turn to if we are forced to face a situation like this.

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How to get out of a relationship that is not working

Through these 7 guidelines that we propose in relation to how to get out of a relationship that is not working, we will reflect on the different phases in which we are likely to go from when we doubt our relationship, until we decide to end it and face the much feared process of duel.

1. Plant well what you want

Before finding out how to get out of a relationship that is not working, it is convenient to be more or less sure of this decision. Although it is true that most of the time, when we leave someone, we are not 100% clear about it,

many times what we do have clear is that we do not want to continue like this. So, before deciding anything, think carefully about what you want in your life.

To do this, do this little exercise; Visualize yourself in a few years... do you see yourself with that person? Is it really the future you want? These questions do not have an easy answer, but for this reason we must try to think about what we want, without letting the fear of loneliness or dependence influence our decision.

2. Analyze your current situation

To get to know what exactly we want in our life (or something that is close to it...), we must analyze our current situation, in this case, with our partner. Are we happy with her?

Or, on the contrary, do we always live waiting for something to change? It is normal to go through stages of doubt in any area of ​​our lives, not only with our partner. However, when these doubts block us and lengthen over time, this is no longer so.

Put it like this: something is wrong if you think more about what you lack than what you have... could it be that what you have doesn't really make you happy? You should not be afraid to face this feeling, as it is a legitimate feeling.

On the other hand, if after analyzing the current situation with your partner (how do you feel with her, what do you miss, if you are really happy, if the relationship compensates you or if you suffer more than you enjoy, etc.), you realize that something has been wrong for too long (something that perhaps you have already tried to solve, without success), it is time to act.

And that is, Albert Einstein already said it... "If you want different results, do not do the same".

• You may be interested in: "What is emotional intelligence?"

3. make up your mind

If after going through the previous step, you realize that the current situation with your partner is really not what you want, at this point point you can take two directions: continue in the relationship and fight for something that deep down, you know is not working, or end the relationship. relationship.

The second option is surely the most difficult to take, but also the most liberating, in case you find yourself in a relationship that doesn't really make you happy.

4. Be firm with the decision

Good, You have made the decision to end the relationship, but now is the hardest part… keeping it.

In this step on how to get out of a relationship that is not working, we suggest that you be firm in your decision, especially everything in the first moments, when everything is more recent and when you are surely more vulnerable emotionally.

And if I've been wrong?

If after the first days (or weeks, it all depends on the person…) you are not sure that you have chosen the path that made you happy, rethink your decision. Do you regret ending the relationship?

Don't pressure yourself or blame yourself for it.; As imperfect beings that we are (thank God!) we make mistakes, and it is never too late to rectify. Change direction if you feel like it.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

5. take back your life

How to get out of a relationship that is not working? Start by taking back your life. If you have already gone through the previous point, and you have realized that you really made the right decision, It's time to take control of your life again.

Breakups are often painful, whether we leave or they leave us, so first of all you have to assume that the pain will be there (at least at first), and that you have to face it.

We don't have to hide or repress it... we are hurt, but it's time to continue. So, try to get back to your routine and your life, focus on it but also look for activities that motivate you and that "take" you a little from day to day, stay with your friends...

The goal is not to avoid pain, or not to face it, but to stay active so that little by little you regain a certain sense of calm and normality.

6. be flexible with yourself

The sixth step (or guideline) on how to get out of a relationship that is not working is the following: be flexible with yourself. This means that you should not blame yourself for what happened; it simply assumes that this is how things have gone.

Being flexible also implies giving yourself moments to unload that sadness, those nerves or that anxiety... In other words, give yourself "permission" to be bad, to be well when you start to come back, to have moments of weakness... It is likely that, at certain times, your doubts will return: "Did I do what correct"?

It is normal for these feelings to appear from time to time, but think that what you decided you decided for a reason, that it is there, and that There are no right or wrong decisions, just people who, trying to be happy, try, get it right, make mistakes, regret it, they fight…

7. take care and listen to yourself

Continuing with the stages of the breakup, if you find yourself at this point, Another useful piece of advice is to take care of yourself and pamper yourself, and to give yourself spaces and moments to self-reinforce.

We've all been through a breakup (and if not, one day we will), and although it can be a really hard and complicated time, the road becomes more It's nice if we take care of ourselves, do things we like, eat and sleep well, do some sports, talk to family and friends about what we occurs…

In addition, taking care of yourself also means listening to ourselves; listen to both our body and our state of mind (and the fact is that they are often linked): what do we really want? Are we resting enough? Are we giving ourselves the love we deserve?

Everything that is committed to our well-being, both physical and mental, will imply small steps towards our recovery and healing. Let's not forget that everything that begins ends, and that is why it is important to enjoy the present without yearn excessively for the past or project too much into the future, since the only thing that exists is today. As the sociologist and philosopher Zygmunt Bauman said: "As long as it is alive, love is always on the brink of defeat."

Bibliographic references:

• Cáceres, C., Manhey, C. and Vidal, C. (2009). Separation, loss and mourning of the couple: Essential reflections for a divorce therapy. Of families and therapy, 27: 41-60.
• Garcia, F.E. and Ilabaca, D. 82013). Relationship breakup, coping and psychological well-being in young adults. Ajayu Organ of Scientific Dissemination, 11(2): 42-60.
• Ramirez, R.P. (2014). Mourning for partner abandonment. Mexican Association of Thanatology.