Distrust in the relationship: 11 ways it hurts us

Relationships are a bond that is based on several key aspects to achieve an adequate coexistence between the members. Within this range of factors is trust, which has a determining importance in this affective bond.

In this article we will see how distrust in the relationship affects us, and we will also review which are the main signs that it is present within the love bond.

• Related article: "The 5 reasons why partner jealousy appears"

How does distrust of the other affect the partner?

As we have seen previously, trust in the partner plays a determining role in the relationship. And it is that when we get involved with someone in a sentimental way, we need to feel safe with that person, to have guarantees that this relationship has a stable future. When we do not achieve this emotional stability, we are prey to anxiety.

Distrust in the relationship is a silent enemy, since does not imply an imminent break, but it is responsible for gradually wearing down the affective bond to the point of damaging the coexistence, sometimes permanently.

It doesn't make sense to be in a relationship where most of the time you have doubts about your partner's commitment to you.

As insecurity and mistrust gain ground, the mental and emotional wear and tear also begin to get much greater, which inevitably affects the quality of life of people affected by these negative feelings.

Intrusive thoughts that do not allow us to focus properly on the most everyday things of our day to day, lack of desire to do our activities, need to be checking that everything is fine in the relationship... These are just some of the ways in which mistrust reduces relationships and the individual quality of life of people.

Signs that there is mistrust in the couple's relationship

Let's now look at some of the more specific complications that usually occur when inappropriate feelings of mistrust and insecurity affect the people in their life as a couple.

1. Sleeping problems

Mistrust generates in the person who suffers it an alteration in the content of your recurring thoughts, which take a catastrophic and anxiety-generating trend. Usually it is difficult for the subject to fall asleep due to these negative thoughts, which are intensified at night.

2. Lack of attention

When mistrust appears in the couple, this usually occupies a large part of people's time, and involves the use of cognitive resources; thought, analysis, and of course attention, which is compromised. The subject is difficult to focus on their daily activities because of anxiety.

• You may be interested: "The 15 types of care and what are their characteristics"

3. Humor changes

Mood swings (affective lability) are frequent during the anxiety states characteristic of mistrust in the partner. These consist of going from being calm to being worried, from being happy to being sad; these transitions are generally abrupt, affecting the subject and the environment closest to him.

4. Irritability

Irritability becomes a constant when mistrust in the partner is present. People tend to be not very tolerant of some comments or situations, especially if they have to do with your love life, or if they are seen as an attack (direct or indirect). The subject becomes angry when dealing with a reality that is uncomfortable for him.

5. Frequent discussions with the partner

Communication styles become dysfunctional when members of the marriage or dating relationship do not trust each other. In general, they are predisposed to having heated arguments that only gradually wear down the relationship until, in many cases, cause the breakup.

• You may be interested: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

6. Tension in the muscles

Many of the psychological and emotional consequences generated by the distrust of a partner are also reflected on a physical level. ** Muscle tension is one of the most common somatic forms ** of noticing that something is not right with our emotional state.

7. Tension headaches

Tension headache is a headache caused by a high and intense level of tension in certain muscle groups, especially those in the head and neck.

8. Tendency to isolation

When people have doubts about their romantic partner, they do not like that other people can remind them of this topic, and it is for that reason that in some cases they decide to limit their social encounters more.

9. Substance use

Distrust applied to love life is a complicated situation, which can lead the person to seek desperate solutions to the feeling of uncertainty that it presents. One of the supposed alternatives can go through the consumption of some substances that provide apparent short-term relief from this burden, such as alcohol or other drugs.

10. Propensity to infidelity

The saying that one nail removes another nail takes on a special relevance in these situations, where the couple is immersed in doubts. Either party might seek to feel a sense of security in another person, and this encourages infidelity to occur.

11. Binge eating

Binge eating is a common reaction to the stress of not knowing what may be going on in your relationship, by not daring to confront our partner about what his feelings are, can ensue an irrational and constant appetite as a way of venting when in doubt.

To do?

Couples therapy is an increasingly popular and demanded form of psychological intervention, and it is effective in addressing these types of problems.

In these sessions it is possible to overcome dysfunctional dynamics such as mismanagement of discussions, conflictive coexistence, crises due to infidelities, and more. Both members of the couple relationship must be involved in this process and attend the sessions on a weekly basis; the duration of therapy is a few months. Today, a large number of psychologists are trained to offer this service.

Bibliographic references:

• Biscotti, O. (2006). Couples Therapy: a systemic view. 1st. ed. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• O'Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006). Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.
• Shackelford, T.K.; Voracek, M.; Schmitt, D.P.; Buss, D.M.; Weekes-Shackelford, V.A.; Michalski, R.L. (2004). Romantic jealousy in early adulthood and in later life. Human Nature. 15 (3): 283 - 300.