The 5 most frequent reasons for consultation in couples therapy

One of the most intense searches in the human being is the search for a partner. Said challenge, no matter how well intentioned, is sometimes established from chaos and not from peace and the pleasure of sharing life with someone else.

The biggest mistake lies in the initial concept of the search, when you think from the illusion, but not from the reality that a couple entails. This is also seen through the most frequent reasons for consultation in couples therapy.

• Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons"

What are the 5 most frequent reasons for consulting a couple?

Those reasons that mostly lead the couple to make a consultation are:

• Infidelity, jealousy, mistrust.
• Sexuality, dissatisfaction, fantasies.
• Communication, claims, demands.
• Economy.
• Blended families.

These reasons lead the affective bond to certain situations of chaos and crisis that, if not resolved in time, could worsen and grow excessively.

1. Infidelity

This is a topic that is heard a lot, generating mistrust, controls and severe crises in the bond.

Sometimes when this occurs there are couples who can work on it, elaborate on what happened and grow with the situation, in other opportunities, when this situation arises, it triggers so much emotional disorder in both of them that it ends with the separation.

• You may be interested in: "The 9 types of infidelity and their characteristics"

2. The sexuality

In some couples, sex is affected due to a certain covert symptomatology, thus giving rise to problems in sexuality; It is very common to observe unhealed emotional disorders that manifest in intimate encounters, such as; anxieties, anguish, abuse, abandonment, etc.

3. The communication

This is a great factor for the couple to work; when it fails, certain demands, claims and anger can be heard in the link.

The non-existent dialogue and the absence of assertive communication between the members of a link is an obstacle when it comes to registering the discourse of the person trying to express it.

• Related article: "6 very frequent communication problems in couple relationships"

4. The economy

Another issue of influence in the effective bond is money, since many couples with different primary models cannot order and make new agreements in relation to this issue. This is how the most intense crises appear that are leaving affection in the background, leaving the lawsuit as the protagonist, which in various cases ends in judicial situations.

5. blended families

The bonds go through a process of adaptation in the union, having to learn to live with the children that accompany the chosen person.

How to build a couple from the light and not from the shadows?

Although these issues are the most frequent at the time of consultation, there are others that may be related.

It is important to think that an affective bond such as a couple is established on several occasions from the shadows of each of the members, with the models of the primary family that established a psychic structure for each member. From this place it will be necessary to review the life history of each one to heal individually ceasing to project in the couple what is proper.

At birth, the being goes through the "separation wound" with his mother with the umbilical cord cut, leaving a comfortable and safe space to begin to feel the world that awaits him. In this detachment, the deficiencies and faults that will begin to be significant begin, looking outside for what existed in their little world.

This is how certain questions begin in relation to those deficiencies: feeling of vulnerability, fears, insecurities, emptiness, needs to be cared for and protected... These sensations, in the first instance, will be a demand towards the parents, and later in adult life, if this was not reviewed and resolved, it will be projected on the couple.

The projection as a defense mechanism will be deposited in the subject chosen as a partner; this is equivalent to choosing from that fault that was not healed. There are claims, reproaches, controls and requests for change to the other person to feel good. oneself, to try to cover that need, here one of the main conflicts in the bond loving.

This search and choice is made from an unconscious place, from ignorance, from the shadow and when exhaustion and conflict are generated, it is the crisis that is exposed, appearing the separations and subsequent searches so that the cycle begins again in other faces and in the same scenarios, with the same girl/or wounded in scene.

It is sought in life to link to cover the emotional orphanhood that accompanies from birth, being precisely the wrong place, since that said wound could only be healed with one's own and very deep work, understanding that in order to share life with someone else First you have to be able to learn to be alone, learn to dive to discover what and who stays inside that little acquaintance.

Couple relationships show those things that cannot be seen in each one, from there the concept of projection, I dislike and get angry at things about others that I cannot see in myself, making it easier to find them in my couple.

The couples will be the extensions of the primary family due to similarity or difference, with the parents or trainers being the first models to visualize.

To think…

What causes you anger in relation to a couple bond will indicate issues that are not resolved in you and that must be reviewed, elaborated in order to heal them.

When two people come together having healed their own, the path will be simply wonderful.