How to overcome the fear of being single: 4 practical tips

Having a partner is fine, but there are those who overestimate having a boyfriend or husband and consider that the opposite state, that of singleness, is the worst thing in the world.

There is even the popular idea that a person who with more than 30 years has not found a partner will have a problem or, even, who has failed in life.

Due to social pressure and the glorification of being in a relationship, many people have developed a true pathological fear of being single. Their fear is so great that they go out of their way to date someone, even if it means getting trapped in a toxic relationship.

Knowing how to overcome the fear of being single is a very good way to win in mental health, a step forward in our development as people, as individuals who alone are worth it. Let's find out more about how to get there.

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Characteristics of the fear of being single

Many people dream of having a partner, something considered by many to be a basic need. Proof of this is that there are single people who are desperately looking for someone to go out with, not because they feel that singleness is synonymous with failure, that they are worthless without a partner.

Due to this belief, once they manage to have a boyfriend or girlfriend do everything they can to stay in the relationship, even if it hurts them. The fear of being single is very intense in many people's lives, causing them to behave in unhealthy ways.

This goes without saying, but it is convenient to keep it in mind. Not having a partner is not a bad thing on its own. That we do need the other half orange is a myth: we are already a whole orange, with a lot of juice and that is worth a lot. Singleness is a moment that, far from being interpreted as being alone in this life and that nobody loves us, is, in reality, an opportunity to get to know each other better and a very rewarding stage of life.

But, despite this obviousness, many people continue to fear being single as if it were very bad for our health. Why does this fear of being single appear? What causes it? We will address it a few lines later.

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Why does the fear of staying single arise?

Although in recent decades society has become aware that we do not need to be with another person to be happy, the truth is that the idea of ​​romantic love continues to have a huge influence on the collective imagination. Proof of this is that many people believe that, indeed, having a partner is what gives meaning to our lives, to everyone's.

The blame for this belief is the media and society. We see it in movies, in songs, in novels... we get the idea of ​​romantic love even in children's movies (those of a certain industry with a mouse are a very clear example). They sell us that, when everything goes wrong, we just need to find a partner and by magic all our problems will be solved.

It sounds nice, really, but you have to be very naive to believe that the world really works like this. This message is very wrong, but it still has a remarkable persuasive power.

In the end, it is seen as much easier to find a partner than to get down to work to change the course of our lives and solve our problems. Many people still believe that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the panacea, which will solve all our problems. It is believed that having a partner gives happiness in an intrinsic way, it gives meaning to their lives.

Unfortunately, happiness won't come by itself if we start dating someone. We will only be happier dating someone if our individual lives were okay before we started dating. Happiness does not come from the outside nor is it someone else who provides it, but rather comes from our internal and the relationship we have with ourselves, although external factors can also influence her.

But basically, at least in most cases, who is responsible for our happiness is ourselves.

People who get married being bad with themselves and with their family environment usually end up in a relationship that does not satisfy them at all, and they can even get stuck in a toxic relationship. Precisely one of the main problems in this type of relationship is the fear of being single. In fact, this fear of being single has come to be given a name: anuptaphobia, which would basically be the fear irrational, persistent and unjustified to remain single forever and that includes symptoms of anxiety, obsessions and depression.

People who have this fear are constantly looking for the meaning of life in love. It is for this reason that are unable to end a relationship with another person in which they feel deeply unhappy, because they believe that by breaking they would end up losing.

We live in a society in which if you are over 30 years old and single, or even younger, we almost immediately think “some It will have a problem ”, a problem especially experienced by women who seem to be given the sole purpose of reproducing by many.

The old idea that those who are not in a relationship and with children have failed in life is still very well established.. We have it so in our minds that there are those who cannot conceive the idea of ​​being happy in solitude.

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How to overcome the fear of being single?

It may come as a surprise to many, but the truth is that single people tend to be happier than those who are in a toxic relationship, and as the wise proverb says “it is better to be alone than bad accompanied".

Our vital goal should not be to be with someone at all costs, but rather, should the occasion arise, find someone and focus on building a good relationship. Meanwhile, the ideal is to learn to be alone and enjoy the great freedom that singleness brings us.

Focusing on seeking good relationships and valuing singleness are the two best actions to manage the fear of being single. Furthermore, they tend to be mutually reinforcing.

One of the secrets of a good relationship is not needing our partner to be happy. This does not mean that we do not want to be with that special person in our lives, but it does mean that we are aware that we can survive without the other person. The best love is the one in which both are free, value each other, respect each other and know how to live each on their own without feeling that they are leaving the person they love aside.

To overcome the fear of being single, it is necessary to take into consideration the following keys:

1. Improve your self esteem

Valuing who we really are and being comfortable with ourselves helps us not depend on other people to feel good. Like everyone else in this world, we have our strengths, even if we are not aware of them. By discovering them we will see how much we are worth without needing other people. Both with a partner and without those strengths will continue to be there.

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2. Identify negative beliefs about singleness

As we said, many people see being single as a personal failure. It is believed that if you are alone it is because you do not know how to be with other people or because others do not find you attractive. These and many other negative beliefs can be behind our fear of being single.

We must identify them and really assess whether they are right or not, and how serious they make us think that singleness is. Relationships do not necessarily have to be positive or mean success in life, in the same way that singleness does not mean just the opposite. Everything in this life is relative, with its pros and cons, and seeing only the apparently bad things in a situation is what can cause us an intense fear of it.

3. Share time with other people

Many tend to associate loneliness with not having a partner, despite being able to have a healthy and extensive social life with a lot of friends. It is important to dedicate part of our time to interact with friends, family and other significant people, whether we have a partner or not. It is also highly recommended to meet new people with whom to establish a friendship.

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4. Solve own problems

We have commented before that many people see having a partner as the panacea to solve their personal problems. The reality is that, if you are bad about yourself, dating someone the only thing you will do is that now you are bad with yourself and with another person. The only way to have a good relationship with our partner is by solving our own problems, either on our own or with the help of a psychologist.