The importance of self-esteem in a relationship

When talking about self-esteem, it is often characterized as something that only has to do with the relationship we have with ourselves, with our identity.

It is partly not surprising that this is so: cultivating good self-esteem seems something based on introspection, in how we manage our feelings and how we reflect on what we means that "I". But in reality, the thing is more complex than that, and it also includes our personal relationships. In fact, our way of relating to others is part of both the causes of having one or another type of self-esteem, as well as the consequences of the latter.

In this article we will see how our self-esteem influences us in the world of relationships, and what we can do to avoid problems in this regard.

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What exactly is self-esteem?

Let's start with the most important thing: what does the word "self-esteem" mean? It consists of the set of mental representations that make up our concept of "I", and of emotions and feelings that we associate with our identity. In other words, in a summarized way, we could say that

self-esteem is what we believe about ourselves and how we feel about it.

Of course, self-esteem is not a simple description of who we are; it also includes moral notions about what we should be, and how far we are left with that ideal "I" to which we should tend. People with very low self-esteem feel that they are very far from that role model in which to become, and who have a well-balanced self-esteem, feel that they are close to it, although they continue to have motivation to continue getting better.

In addition, self-esteem is not something static, but it evolvesor; sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes because of what we do deliberately to improve our self-esteem.

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Self-esteem in relationships

The way we see and value ourselves has a lot to do with the way we initiate and manage relationships. These are some of the aspects in which they can interact resulting in problems:

• Some relationships are started to fill a void caused by your own insecurities.
• A relationship with a partner can become a dependent relationship that prevents us from feeling good about who we are beyond the role of serving the other person.
• A couple relationship can give rise to the need to conform to gender roles, in a very limiting way.
• It can be assumed that a relationship is just an area of ​​life to which we dedicate all our free time.

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What to do to improve self-esteem from relationships?

As we have seen, improving self-esteem does not only involve reflecting on who we are; It also includes managing emotions and our way of interacting with others. To achieve this in the context of a relationship, keep these tips in mind:

1. Maintain exciting projects beyond the relationship

You must be able to maintain a life project that includes stimulating and relevant aspects for you beyond the relationship. For example, develop an artistic ability, play sports, learn languages ​​to get in contact with others cultures… Otherwise, all your self-esteem will depend on experiences that depend in part on the same person: your couple.

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2. Assert your contributions to the relationship

A relationship can wear down your self-esteem if you constantly emphasize the sacrifices and efforts that one of the people has done to make that relationship viable and maintain it, and the sacrifices that the other person has made in that relationship are made invisible. sense.

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3. Don't let your motivation be the fear of rejection

It is important to detect cases in which what most mobilizes us when it comes to relating to our partner is the fear that he will leave us. The source of motivation to be with that person should be centered on the positive experiences that they bring us, not the negative experiences that they could bring us.

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4. Allow your partner to support you in your self-improvement process

The person you love can help you in your progress towards the goals that you have set for yourself and that are meaningful to you. In this way, you will be taking advantage of the potential in your love relationship as a support that helps you show yourself what you are capable of.

5. Don't let the other person apply nicknames that annoy you

It is very common that nicknames are used in relationships as an affectionate nickname. However, sometimes a lack of assertiveness means that when these nicknames cause discomfort, nothing is said.

6. Don't let me make you feel bad about your achievements

There are toxic couple dynamics, often based on jealousy, in which the other person's achievements are seen as a threat or a destabilizing factor in the relationship. These situations often result in one person emotionally blackmailing the other, making them believe that they have the right The fault of the relationship going bad, despite the fact that it is actually this controlling mentality that supposes a trouble.

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Do you want to improve your self-esteem?

If you have noticed that you have self-esteem problems, you may be interested Meyo, an app for Android and iOS that works as a digital trainer in the field of physically and emotionally healthy habits.

In this application you will find routines and exercises adapted to very different needs, such as improving self-confidence, the correct regulation of stress and anxiety, managing and overcoming one's fears and insecurities, following a correct rest schedule, etc.

You just have to download it on Android or in iOS and go to the section that interests you.