8 beliefs that fuel emotional dependence in relationships

Emotional dependence is a psychological disorder that consists of an obsessive need to keep someone by our side. Many times, this person is the own couple in a courtship or marriage, which favors that this emotional bond becomes increasingly harmful and limiting.

This phenomenon cancels the person who suffers from it and has a direct impact on all aspects of their life, both emotionally and relationally as well as family and even work. And in this sense, There are a series of harmful beliefs that reinforce this dependency dynamic in couple relationships.; let's see what they are.

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What are the beliefs associated with emotional dependence in couples?

There are several psychological elements capable of giving rise to emotional dependence, and some of the most important are the dysfunctional beliefs developed by the person who depends on the other. Let's see which are the most frequent.

1. Scared to be alone

People with emotional dependence

They often assume that being single is equivalent to having failed in life, which is why they are terrified that their relationship ends.

This irrational fear of being alone is one of the most common signs of emotional dependence and is accompanied by the belief that once we are alone no one else will love us.

In the same way, the separation from the couple, whether temporary or long-lasting, also generates a feeling of discomfort in the person and is usually accompanied by cases of anxiety, stress or depression.

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2. Delegate all decision making

Another of the most common beliefs in emotional dependence consists of believe that the couple will always make better decisions than us in any situation and that is why taking part in any responsibility, activity or opinion on your own initiative is avoided.

This way of thinking is totally irrational, since it consists in believing that the other person is the best in the task of “taking decisions ”in general, without taking into account the level of information or knowledge that it may have on the subject in question. That is, in this belief the action of decision-making is confused with a skill that can be applicable to any situation and does not depend on other skills or certain knowledge.

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3. Fear of abandonment

In people with emotional dependence also the fear of being abandoned by one's partner is very common, even though the person is not really happy in the current relationship or be aware that you are in a relationship without a future.

This irrational fear of abandonment generates toxic and unequal relationship dynamics in which the person is afraid of making any mistake, again for fear of being abandoned.

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4. The belief that we must "compensate" for our lack of attractiveness

There are many beliefs that affect self-esteem in people who have emotional dependence, and among the most common we can find the idea that we need to be very actively involved in satisfying the other person to compensate for our lack of attractiveness.

Emotional dependence is related to a very negative view of oneself, a view that normally does not coincide with reality and that increases with the passage of time as the dysfunctional relationship of the couple reinforces these limiting beliefs.

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5. Idealize the other person

As indicated, emotional dependence is usually related to a loss of contact with reality and a belief in a series of illusory thoughts.

Thus, it is common to believe that the partner himself is a perfect person without any defect, that he knows everything and that he is special. In the same way, their defects tend to be minimized and negative or toxic behaviors are ignored.

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6. Believe that happiness is in the other

People with emotional dependence often take for granted that they will not be happy if they are not with their partner, a fact that generates a lot of discomfort on an emotional level in the long term.

Again, this phenomenon has very negative psychological implications for the person, since by linking the own happiness outside of ourselves we live permanently worried and constantly afraid of being abandoned.

7. The belief that disagreement is terrible

Another of the classic signs of emotional dependence is experiencing great annoyance and a strong discomfort in the face of arguments or disagreements with the partner.

That is why, in the long run, the emotional dependent ends up avoiding any type of conflict and chooses to agree with his partner in everything.

Submission to the other partner in cases of emotional dependence is such that the person is usually afraid to give his own opinion so as not to disturb his partner.

In the same way, any demand that the couple may have is usually accessed and is more prone to tolerate manipulations of all kinds, as well as physical or psychological abuse in the most serious.

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8. Need to like

People with emotional dependence on their partner tend to do everything possible to like the other person, since they do not assume that this person can be by their side because of a common history and everything they have lived together, as well as by the qualities of oneself that have liked and have led to establish that courtship or marriage.

This usually causes the dependent person to constantly change his mind and sometimes adapt his personality to his interlocutor to get the other person to like him.

Thus, another of the essential characteristics of emotional dependence consists in the total renunciation of the own preferences, opinions, dreams or aspirations, as well as to relate to own friends or relatives.

This occurs because the dependent person usually considers that his preferences have no value and what really matters is what he thinks his partner wants.

Are you looking for psychological support?

Emotional dependence should be treated as soon as possible by a professional psychologist, since in the long run it can significantly erode the emotional well-being of the person and generate a true mental health problem for several levels.

Whether in individual psychotherapy or in couples therapy, there are effective forms of intervention to solve these kinds of problems. If you are interested in having psychological support for cases like this, I invite you to contact me.