How does couples therapy work for communication problems?

Good communication in the couple can constitute a truly therapeutic element in itself. Achieving this communication depends on multiple factors, aspects that can be cultivated day by day during the couple's coexistence and on which couples therapy is based.

The best way to avoid conflicts in couple relationships, or for them to get worse, is to have communication based on trust, sincerity and mutual respect, aspects that, together with others, are promoted in clinics and psychology offices through from couples therapy techniques for communication problems. Let's take a closer look at them.

• Related article: "The 10 basic communication skills"

This is how couples therapy techniques are applied to communication problems

The idea that couple communication involves talking things over and telling each other everything is deeply rooted. This is partly true, but there are many more variables to consider. Not only what is said matters, but also how it is said and how it is heard.

Communication is not just words, but also gestures, tones, body language, emotion...

There are many aspects that define communication and that can be both a strong point and a weak point in the relationship.

Each couple is unique. No two couples are the same, but the keys to good communication and resolution of associated problems are constants: being direct, open and honest when it comes to our feelings and how we feel about the direction the life has taken relationship. Not saying what we feel, keeping our discomfort and disagreement towards things that our partner says or does, the only thing that will generate is confusion and resentment. This is why it is so important to take care of communication in a relationship.

Couples therapy attempts to promote the following relationship strategies, which can be used as effective techniques or strategies in the face of communication problems.

1. Encourage recognition and gratitude

It is essential to establish better communication as a couple and avoid problems related to being grateful, recognize how much the other does for us and value their strengths. On many occasions, we forget that with their presence, our partner is bringing us many things in our lives and supports us. Being in our life makes a difference.

Recognizing this and letting the other know it will make the other feel recognized and valued, being more likely to open up emotionally when the situation requires it. A person talks more openly about what worries him and what he feels when he perceives that his partner thanks him for being there.

• You may be interested: "Psychology of Gratitude: Benefits of Being Grateful"

2. improve empathy

A key aspect in every human relationship: have empathy. Put yourself in the place of the other, trying to understand their point of view, their feelings and their situation It will help that, when we have to discuss any topic or negotiate important issues, we do not fall into the power struggle that is typical of many relationships. This is one of the most worked aspects in couples therapy, and it helps a lot to solve problems due to lack of communication.

With power struggle we refer to the situation so common in couples in which the two try to impose themselves on the other, without listening to him. The only thing that is intended with them is to be right, not to solve the basic problem and, as both want being right, the discussions become eternal and the tone of voice rises more and more, without reaching a point where common.

The problem is that, when the couple argues, not one loses, but both. Empathizing with your partner means listening to them, putting yourself in their shoes. Naturally we can express our opinion, needs and feelings, but this must be done taking into account what the other feels and with the aim of reaching a common point. Let's not pretend to win the battle by getting the "reason", because at the end of the day that is still very subjective.

• Related article: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other"

3. Body language management training

Communication is not just words. Body language is a reality, a form of nonverbal communication that greatly influences the information received and how it is received. Knowing how to convey with a look, a smile or a wink how we feel can play in our favor when it comes to avoiding arguments.

Expressions of affection such as caresses, kisses and pampering should not be neglected, weapons of love that help us maintain falling in love. Neuroscience confirms it: human touch causes hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine to be released, which promote well-being. Being in a good mood is more likely to debate without arguing or getting angry.

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4. Enhancement of assertiveness

We cannot expect our partner to guess our needs. Waiting for that only leads to misunderstandings and discussions, conflicts that tend to be the day to day of couple therapists. Nor should we silence what has hurt or bothered us, because it arouses mistrust and impotence in the couple.. Punishing silence does not serve to solve couple problems, but rather makes them worse.

In most cases, communication problems are solved by talking. The best way to resolve and prevent them is to know how to recognize and express one's own emotions to the other, always with respect and not resorting to reproaches or demands. With this we will be able to create an atmosphere of trust that will greatly facilitate the communication of any aspect to comment on.

In addition, our partner will know how we feel and what we think, thus avoiding misunderstandings. It is essential to express what happens to us without offending the other because, otherwise, it is easy for the problem to remain entrenched, frozen until a situation reappears that brings it to light.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

5. Teach how to choose the right time and channel

To ensure effective communication, it is very important to know how to choose the right time to talk about certain topics. Let's put it in perspective: wouldn't we ask our boss for a raise one day when we found him shopping at the supermarket? Obviously not, for various reasons: too much noise, little privacy, lack of formality...

The same applied to the world of the couple: there are things that are better to tell in a private and intimate place, calmly and knowing very well what to say. If we need to talk to our partner about something that we think is important or sensitive, it cannot be done in a hurry or in a place where there are noise and interruptions.

We must be careful how we start the conversation. The typical phrase of "we have to talk" is very, very inadvisable, especially if we do not specify what. As soon as we hear those words from our lips, our partner mounts his paranoia, it generates uncertainty, fear and anticipations of all kinds, but mostly bad. It is advisable to tell him what clearly, so that he knows what to expect.

And, of course, monitor the channel: this type of conversation is not at all appropriate to have on the phone, much less on WhatsApp. Important things must be known to say in person.

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6. Don't use extreme words

A message can be said in very different ways, so many that depending on how we say it, its content changes without meaning to. According to the way in which we express ourselves, the content reaches the recipient being interpreted in one way or another. We should not use categorical expressions or extreme words when talking about what we think of our partner.

If we speak from the value judgment against our partner, using words like "you always do this..." or "you never do that", from the demand, the complaint or the criticism, it will be inevitable that the other closes in band and puts himself on the defensive, ready to attack.

In couples therapy, patients are taught to transform complaints and criticisms towards their boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife into messages that are easier to listen to, from desire, proposal and request. They soften the message but without sacrificing its content. For example, instead of saying:

"You never help with housework, you're lazy."

You can say:

“I am very satisfied when you collaborate at home, it helps me feel freer and better organized”

Another example, instead of:

"You always reproach me for coming home late, heavy."

Transform it into:

"I know you worry when it takes me a while to get back from work, it's something I keep in mind and I'll let you know when it happens again."

Are you looking for psychological support in the face of couple crises?

If you want to start a process of couples therapy, get in touch with us; in psychomaster We serve both face-to-face and through online therapy and we have been helping people overcome their problems in the workplace for a long time. field of managing emotions, learning new forms of communication and conflict resolution, coping with stress, and plus.