Avoidant personality: 5 common characteristics and traits

Every person is a world. Each and every one of us has our own way of being. We all have our own personality.

Some people have acquired ways of acting that directly and actively affect what is happening around them, or they are comfortable experiencing new things. Other people fear approaching situations, conflicts, or even people, avoiding some situations out of fear and seeking safety. If the latter is carried out as a habitual pattern of behavior, we can be talking about an avoidant personality.

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The personality

Personality is the habitual and relatively stable pattern of behaviors, and what makes us do it in a certain way when it comes to seeing, interpreting, thinking, evaluating and acting in the world. It is an element that is configured throughout our development and that comes in part from the biological inheritance of our relatives and ancestors and in part of the learning carried out throughout the cycle vital.

And it is that what we live is also very important: throughout life we ​​learn values ​​and ways of acting, we see that acting in a certain way can have its advantages and disadvantages and in general we experiment with different strategies when dealing with situations, some of which have more or less success for us.

Some end up having a dominant personality, others submissive. Some learn to approach and take risk as a way to achieve their goals. Others learn to think long and hard before acting and to tend to look for environments in which they feel safe, moving away from anything that could harm them. In any case, personality predisposes us to behave in certain ways.

Characteristics of people with avoidant personality

Although each person is different, there are usually patterns of behavior that are common between people. In the case of avoidant people, we can detect some personality characteristics that are common (although not necessarily essential).

Someone with an avoidant personality is going to be characterized by, as its name suggests, avoid problems and inhibit their behavior as a way of not suffering possible negative consequences.

1. Sensitivity

Generally, people who develop an avoidant type personality tend to have a high level of sensitivity, which makes them experience sensations intensely. They are especially sensitive to rejection and criticism.

2. discretion and courtesy

They are usually discreet people who do not usually like to attract attention excessively, and are usually polite during a casual interaction.

3. Low self-esteem and indecision

It is not uncommon for these to be people who need affection and external approval to maintain their self-esteem, which is generally low. It is common for them to be indecisive people, with difficulties in making decisions unless they receive palpable support. If their position is different from that of the rest, they often shut it up for fear of criticism. It is common for uncertainty to generate great discomfort.

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4. Taste for the familiar

These are people who tend to have a preference for routine and feel uncomfortable about news. In many cases they are homebodies and feel good in familiar environments, although in others they would like to be more open and adventurous.

5. Social aspects

On a social level, they tend to see themselves as not very capable and it is even probable that they consider themselves inferior to the rest, which leads them to avoid contact or feel uncomfortable in the presence of strangers or large groups of people. This does not imply that they do not want to relate or that they do not like the contact itself, they are simply afraid to do so. Nor does it mean that their social skills are bad: in most cases they are average in this regard, they just don't express them.

They tend to have a restricted group of relationships with which they feel comfortable, having very deep ties with them, greatly valuing intimacy with friends and family. Although in many cases they isolate themselves, in others they are largely related to whoever interacts with them, giving the appearance of disinhibition. However, this contact is usually shallow except with a few people.

What does it mean to avoid them?

The fact of avoiding the anxiety-producing situation reassures them, by not having to deal with stimulation that generates discomfort, although paradoxically not coping with what has been avoided will cause the fear of it to continue or even worsen.

Likewise, not coping can be experienced as a failure, lowering the person's self-esteem and serving as confirmation of their possible feeling of inadequacy and maladjustment.

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Why do these types of personalities arise?

The circumstances by which this type of personality arises can be very variable and are not completely known. However, it is relatively common for them to develop in situations where they have been isolated or marginalized.

In some cases, the feelings that end up triggering avoidance arise due to the experience of abuse and/or contempt towards their person at key moments of development, of experiences in which they have been embarrassed or inferior to others. In this way, a fear of reliving this situation can develop and, over time, the consistent avoidance of all those experiences that remind them of it can arise.

The feeling of feeling inadequate, the preconceived idea that they will be criticized or rejected and the failure intolerance and uncertainty are usually key aspects that lead these people to try to avoid people and situations.

avoidant personality disorder

These features we have seen they do not have to be pathological per se. to keep in mind that we are facing a way of coping with life that for some people can be functional, if not interferes in the life of the person causing discomfort and limiting their actions or does not negatively affect the person or their environment.

However, if these characteristics are taken to the extreme and generating suffering and significant affectation, we may be facing a avoidant personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder.

This disorder corresponds to a pattern of inhibited behavior and in which low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy, fear of being rejected or mocked, avoidance of interpersonal relationships, and reluctance to take risks and changes. It is also common for those who suffer from it to be hypervigilant most of the time, to be distrustful and to reject physical contact and responsibilities.