9 techniques for coping with a couple crisis

Relationship crises cause us discomfort, but if we deal with them properly we can even benefit from them, since they allow us to solve small differences and strengthen the relationship.

It is normal for the couple to experience crisis situations, since it is made up of two individuals who have their tastes, traits, personality... It is impossible for us to agree on everything. The important thing is to be able to face these discrepancies in order to adapt, the purpose will not be to change the other, but to seek a balance between the two.

exist techniques and strategies that can be useful to deal with couple crises and get out of them stronger, and in this article we will talk about them.

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What do we consider a couple crisis?

marital crises are stages of disagreements, breaches of trust, and/or constant discussions that arise between the members of a coupleto and keep them in a state of anxiety and discomfort. In this way, we will consider them a decisive point in relationships, which can lead to their breakup or, on the contrary, to further strengthen the couple.

Thus, although the subjects forming the relationship are not having a good time and would like to avoid the situation, it can be a good opportunity to take advantage of and learn more about the other and talk about the different factors that we see that are not working well. All couples go through crises, more or less intense, before or after the relationship, which can be resolved in different ways.

signs of crisis

In order to prevent or intervene in a crisis as soon as possible to avoid further damage, we must be alert and identify possible signs that indicate that something is wrong, something necessary to make a change in the way we relate and thus overcome the crisis.

Some examples of these signs are: not wanting to meet your partner or make plans with her, no longer having interests or tastes in common, any action what he does makes you angry and irritated, you can't have long conversations, whenever you talk it's to criticize each other, you get defensive when makes a comment, it is difficult to talk or you do not directly talk about the problems that arise or you pay more attention to the characteristics or traits that you do not like about your partner.

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How to deal with marital crises

As we have pointed out, the sensations and discomfort that occur when we find ourselves in a moment of crisis are not pleasant at all and they generate a state of anxiety in the subjects and may lead to more severe alterations such as mood disorders or anxiety. For this reason, it is essential that we face the situation as soon as possible and not let more time go by, since we only manage to further harm the relationship and ourselves.

There are different techniques or strategies that can be useful to know how to act in times of crisis and try to make these serve as learning, growth and strengthening of the relationship, preventing this discomfort from perpetuating itself.

1. Be aware and accept the situation

As in any situation where a problem arises, the first and most necessary step in dealing with it is recognize that something is wrong and that we need to change. If we let the indicators that anticipate the problem pass us by, we will not make it disappear, but rather we will make it bigger and as such more difficult to face.

Recognizing that something in our partner needs to improve is not bad, nor does it mean failure. It is normal that discrepancies appear when you get to know the other person better, but as we said, they give us the opportunity to talk about the subject and find the point of agreement, the way to adapt to each other other.

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2. Promotes fluid communication

A very important factor in all kinds of relationships and especially in couples, since in them individuals spend a lot of time together, is communication; not only when there is a problem but at all times. Express to the other person how you feel, whether it is good or bad, and let your partner do it too, helps to get to know each other better, to increase trust and to prevent possible differences or misunderstandings from leading to problems, ultimately favoring the relationship to become stronger.

Try that when you express yourself you do not do it from an attacking or defensive position, simply tell him that he has bothered you or made you feel bad. That is, we will try be assertive, stating that it causes us discomfort, but with the purpose of fixing it, not with the intention of blaming the other.

3. focus on the present

When we face a crisis or a problematic situation, we need to focus on what concerns us in the present and not let's introduce criticism that is not relevant nor make reproaches of previous crises, and more if these were already resolved.

It is better to pose and face the problems one by one to focus on it and achieve a better solution. We will also avoid going back to previous crises if they have already been resolved and there is no reason for it. We must turn the page and not remain anchored, since otherwise it will not do any good to face them.

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4. hold yourself accountable

As in many relationships, when a crisis arises, it is not caused by a single partner, but both have part of implication. So, when we raise the disagreement, as we recommended before, we will not blame the other for the situation and we will assume part of the responsibility.

The problem is not your partner or you, but a situation that has happened and can be solved. It is not always necessary to look for culprits, but responsible and/or co-responsible.

It can help you to use expressions like "I felt bad because of what you said" instead of "you made me feel bad" or "I didn't understand when you told me..." and not "you expressed yourself badly". We see how the message is the same but in the second case we are giving the blame to our partner; however, in the first option we accept part of the responsibility.

5. No one should be the winner

When we raise the difference, the cause of the crisis, and try to find a solution, the intention must be to find the point of balance that suits both. The purpose is not to be one above the other, nor to try to be the winner or who is right, the ultimate intention must be to reach an understanding. If we start with a fight of egos, pretending that our partner agrees with everything we say, we will only make the situation worse.

6. Try to control impulsiveness

Given the importance of communication and the way we express ourselves, it will be important that before raise the problem or the cause of the discomfort, let us reflect and think about how we feel and how it is more appropriate express it. Thus it is easier for communication to develop more fluidly, without interruptions and without frustrating experiences.

act impulsively, many times, leads to not being able to really communicate what we want and our partner does not receive the message well either and acts defensively against the attack. For this reason, it is also not good to let the conflict pass or prolong, since in the end it is more likely that, in the face of an unimportant fact, we will end up exploding and acting without thinking.

7. also appreciate the good

It is normal that when we are going through a relationship crisis we only see the bad things, everything that the other person does wrong, what puts us in a bad mood, what we don't like... and let's stop looking at and valuing the good things, their traits and actions that we do like.

If we only focus on the negative, the only thing we get is to get stuck in the situation, we will enter a loop where we will see everything negative. Break this vicious circle and begin to appreciate the positive as well. As we have already seen, the problem is not you or your partner, but the situation you are going through.

8. Plan activities you both like

To break the routine can go well plan activities that you both like and can do together. It is common that, when we have been doing the same activity for a while or being with the same person, a routine is established where we do the same things and in the same way, but if we look for different activities that we like to do, we will be able to break it and have a good time little while.

9. take time for yourself

When we are in a relationship, it is normal for us to spend a great deal of time together, and even more so if we have children together or live in the same house. But being with someone is not a reason to stop dedicating time to yourself. For our well-being and that of the couple, it is necessary that each one has moments for him or her, to meet friends, to play sports, to dedicate himself to creative hobbies... Activities that we do not always have to do together.

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