3 good reasons to forgive

We have all been hurt by someone. We've all made someone else suffer, too. With full awareness or without realizing it, we have all been on one side or the other of the sidewalk.

In either of the two senses you suffer a lot, the pain you experience is visceral. In that moment of emotional reactivity, our nervous system becomes stressed and the mind goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. In the body, this reaction can be felt through experiences such as having the heart racing strong, the breath that shortens, the belly bothering us, and the mind that crushes us without respite. The experience is raucous and exhausting.

It is not easy to forgive, and it is not easy to ask for forgiveness, but carrying so much resentment, guilt, and anguish is exhausting.. And the worst of all is that he makes us sick, because we are giving something very valuable to what happened: our attention.

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The need to know how to forgive

When we are hurt by someone we love, we are left bewildered and saddened. We had our trust in that person, and suddenly it was broken.

Not only what happened hurts us, but also that a pact and a vision of what the shared bond was going to be like was broken. Now then… What happens when we are the ones who offend another? Surely at first we want to convince ourselves that the other deserved what we did, but deep inside we will feel the responsibility of having acted on impulse, and this it will generate the fear that the other will reject us if we ask for another opportunity.

Regardless of the side we are on, the main thing is that we embrace everything that happens to us internally, however uncomfortable it may be, and that we do not run away from it. It is a huge challenge, but allowing ourselves to feel what we have to feel expands us internally and helps us to reorganize ourselves.

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Why value forgiveness?

When you're crying, lamenting, or mistreating yourself over what happened, take a deep breath and ask yourself a very simple question: What would be good for me right now? Move more slowly? To talk? Bite my tongue before speaking? Take some time alone?

1. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are above all acts of self-love

When you love yourself, you accept that life and what happens to you cannot be controlled, but that you love and appreciate yourself so much that you know for sure that you will be able to get ahead. You know you deserve it.

Forgiveness does not mean continuing in a relationship with the person who harmed you, but rather listening to what they have to say and then deciding whether or not you will turn the page with that person. The question that you can calmly ask yourself is if that person has taken responsibility for his/her actions and what is he/she willing to change so that you regain trust in him/her.

If, instead, you are the one who has to apologize, the love you have for yourself will help you move on. on top of any message from the ego that will want you to leave everything the same and not risk not being understood. Guilt and shame lead nowhere but to hide, and you know it. Contact with your goodness, with your tenderness and your discernment, and rise to the occasion; speak from the heart and don't shield yourself or get defensive. Express your regret and listen to the needs of the other.

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2. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness are acts of love for life

Being able to apologize, beyond continuing in the bond that had been shared or not, are acts of respect and love for Life. The gesture of listening to the other, without invalidating or recriminating him, and the humility of taking charge of your mistakes and putting yourself in the place of the other, they will tune you with an energy greater than your being contracted. In fact, It will help you to transcend what happened, to unfold, and to be ecstatic again for being alive..

For this you have to be very awake and aware, and also full of compassion. The first step is to stop judging and recriminating because, as the Buddhists say, it will be like trying to hurt another with hot coal in your hands, both will be hurt. Give thanks for the miracle of being born, design how you want to live based on what happened. For this, look for calm in all the rituals that calm you down and get in touch with your vision from there.

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3. Forgiving as an act of liberation

Remember that as long as you cannot forgive, you will be prey to the other. I insist, to forgive is not to exempt the other from what he has done, especially if he does not show repentance. Is about drain and clean all the discomfort inside you.

A friend of my mother acquired her wisdom through the years lived, rather than having been educated; when someone disappointed or hurt her, she always repeated: "That's it, it's wise advice to forgive wrongs." And she had another one that amused me, which was: "May God help you and don't abandon me." These simple sayings contain an enormous nobility of spirit. Both aim to leave bitterness behind in order to live better.

The release begins when we release our arguments to not forgive or to justify our mistakes. When we finally take charge of what touches us, we start our way with much greater lucidity, freedom and lightness.

Forgiveness, from the Latin "per", which indicates complete and total action, and "donare", which is nothing more and nothing less than giving, is our possibility of learning from what happened and of giving the other or ourselves a new way of relating and honoring the lifetime.