Microinfidelities: what they are and how they affect relationships

Until now we defined infidelity as a physical act, where an engaged person maintains a contact or relationship of a sexual nature with another person who is not her partner.

The new forms of relationship have been expanding this definition by putting on the table the issue of consent and pre-existing agreements in the couple. Some people maintain relationships called open or that break with monogamy and each pair has its own way of handling the other bonds that are established outside the couple.

But beyond the known infidelity and its definition, the advancement of technology and the new ways of communication have allowed people to create new ways of relating beyond the world physical. This virtual contact mode has given rise to another type of deception: microinfidelities.

The concept of microinfelicities was coined by the Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling. Through an article published in the Daily Mail, this infidelity specialist proposed naming a new type of behavior that he had been observing frequently in current couples who came to his query.

According to Schilling, we will all be or have been unfaithful at some point in our lives, or at least micro-infidels. But what exactly do we mean when we talk about micro-infelicities?

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What are microinfidelities?

Microinfidelities are defined by Schelling as: "a series of apparently small actions that indicate that a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside the relationship”.

Microinfidelities are a type of covert flirtation, all the subtle actions or behaviors that occur outside the couple and seek close contact with another person without the partner's knowledge, they can be physical or No.

Some examples of microinfidelities They could include not saying you're in a relationship with someone you care about, dressing more attractively to get someone's attention. In short, all behaviors that show special attention for someone other than the partner.

Within the virtual world and the new forms of communication, microinfidelities can be defined as small acts of emotional infidelity through the use of applications, text messages or interactions on the Internet with someone other than the partner.

Microcheating or microinfidelities do not involve physical contact with someone other than the engaged couple. So if there is no physical thing, is microcheating cheating? They could not be a simple flirtation without importance. The answer is not simple, but it would have more to do with the secrets than with the act itself.

Although acts or examples are sometimes used to facilitate its definition, microinfidelities have less to do with a particular behavior, and more with lies or secrets and their impact on the relationship.

According to experts, you should not fall into behavior of this type too often, and remember that within micro-deception, deception is the important word. Hiding things frequently destroys trust between partners and can have a negative impact on the well-being and integrity of the relationship.

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Why do microinfidelities occur?

Infidelity is extremely common. Statistically, many people admit to having cheated while in a committed relationship, and many who haven't cheated admit to considering it. It is in this place where micro-deception could be positioned, for example: browsing a dating website or forming closer than normal emotional ties with someone. As we said in the introduction, according to Schilling, we will all be or have been unfaithful at some point in our lives, or rather micro-infidels.

The usual nature of this type of infidelity can make us think about the need for this type of behavior. But microinfidelities do not speak of the strength or well-being of the relationship. These types of behaviors do not automatically show how attractive a person is to their partner, how good the relationship is, or how strong they are.

According to experts, microinfidelities do not happen for a single reason, but there are many reasons to commit them. Most likely, people engage in this type of behavior on a whim, to get a little extra excitement or stimulation in their lives. Micro-infidelity is a bit of a euphoria or high, but not too much to turn life upside down.

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Are microinfidelities a hoax?

It's okay and natural to find other people attractive when you're in a committed relationship, but don't cheat on your partner. You can enjoy flirting and being flirted with, even if you don't flirt back.

Some establish the difference between cheating and not how much the actions would affect the couple when they find out. But deception does not always affect the same; while some couples would consider flirting to be minimal, others would consider it a form of betrayal, and some couples may even think flirting is okay and necessary to feel better about ourselves.

So, we go back to the secret nature of the behavior to establish whether microinfidelity exists or not. More than the act the problem of micro-infidelity lies in the deception and concealment of this. When someone is lied to, harm can result. The premise is simple: concealment can cause harm.

In social psychology, there is a phrase "what is perceived as real is real in its consequences" can be perfectly applied to the topic of microinfidelities. When someone believes that her partner has been cheating on her because she has broken a pre-established norm or condition, she feels betrayed. This is a common feeling, and it's natural for it to lead to anger, mistrust, and even loss of affection for the person you've cheated on.

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Main criticisms of this concept

Although there are more and more publications and articles that focus on separating between the infidelities that we have always classified as such and microinfidelities, establishing the existence of physical contact of a sexual nature as the main difference between both types of cheated. There are still those who believe that some of the arguments presented by Melanie Schilling and all the articles that talk about these differences are questionable or misleading.

Some people think that although we can add micro to the term, any type of lie, a deception is still a clear sign of disloyalty and shows a lack of trust in the partner. On the other hand, there are also those who disagree and believe that it is impossible to generalize when talking about anything related to fidelity or infidelity.

Regardless of what others think, it all comes down to what the couple agrees and talks about. After all, if two people (freely) agree to something, in this case monogamy, then anything having the potential for an emotional connection with another person outside of the relationship could be considered infidelity. In general, it is thought that whether or not there is concealment of the behavior is where possible infidelity exists, whether it is considered macro or micro.