Couple crisis after the first baby: causes and what to do

The couple crisis after the first baby represents a challenge for fathers and mothers, which must face this situation with the best possible disposition taking into account that they no longer it is only about them, but they must also think about the needs of that new member of the family.

Of course, this is not a phenomenon that all people necessarily have to go through when having a son or daughter, but it is relatively common and leads many to seek professional help in psychotherapy.

In this article we will see what this crisis is about, what are some of its main triggers, and we will present a series of key tips to overcome it in the best way.

• Related article: "Fear of being a mother: why it appears and how to overcome it"

What is the couple's crisis after the first baby?

This crisis stems from changes in couple dynamics. Becoming parents represents the fact of accepting a new role in the life of the couple; It is no longer just about the two parents, and this can be difficult to deal with at first.

Modifications in the schedules and routines of the parents They are one of the main causes of the couple's crisis after the first baby, because sometimes it will be necessary to dedicate time to the new boy or girl and have less free time.

The couple could get into frequent arguments because of the issue of who has to take care of the baby's needs, and in many cases there are no moments to be alone.

When one is in charge of caring for the newborn while the other works, conflicts could come in the form of recrimination by the member of the couple who is in charge of the care of the baby.

Causes of the crisis in the couple after the first son or daughter

Let's see a list of the main causes that trigger this crisis in the couple.

1. The baby is the priority

It is an irrefutable fact that Babies require your full attention. and care from their parents, and that is why the couple must understand that some of their activities take a backseat.

When one of the members of the couple, or both, resist this change, then conflicts ensue and frustration with accumulated stress.

2. The mother distances herself from the father

This distancing occurs because the mother is usually completely focused on the baby, due to gender roles that are passed down through the generations. Takes care of your basic needs and in many cases there is social pressure so that their "default" option is to dedicate their free time to caring for the little one.

As a consequence of these new occupations, it could incur an involuntary omission towards the couple, which can lead to the crisis.

3. the sexual act

The arrival of the new member of the family, and the implications that come with it, are going to reduce what refers to sex in the couple. At least for a while, this area will be compromised due to lack of time and the fact of having less energy.

When this matter is not assimilated in the correct way, and the parents do not talk about it with each other, then the conflicts between them intensify.

4. responsibilities at home

An aspect that, although at first it may seem trivial, has a determining impact on the crisis that arises after the first child. Happens that It is no longer so easy to distribute time and household activities in an equitable way.

In general, it will be one who must take care of these issues, while the other takes care of the baby. This change in terms of housework can bring constant disagreements and arguments.

5. The difficult management of stress as a couple

Many fathers and mothers have to face the problem of, on the one hand, managing discomfort and stress in the face of the workload of raising the baby, and on the other, not feeling guilty for complaining too much. This idea can damage a relationship, because it leads some people to put on "a mask" for fear of appearing selfish, and opt for a communication style that is not very transparent in which many problems remain unresolved. expressed. This gives rise to misunderstandings, emotional imbalances, a lack of vision of the relationship as a joint project, etc.

postpartum depression

Another issue that may be related to this crisis is postpartum depression. When women experience the birth of a child, They present a series of alterations at the hormonal level that they are a natural response to this experience.

In some cases, this change in their hormones can make them somewhat sensitive, causing them to present a depressive state of variable intensity for a while, although the most common is that nothing of the kind happens this. When it happens, the understanding of the couple and the support of the family are essential so that the woman overcomes this situation properly.

• You may be interested in: "Postpartum Depression: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment"

How to face this crisis?

In these lines we will see some useful advice that can be used to deal with this situation in the couple.

1. Don't evade the crisis

This first point refers to the importance of accept that you are going through a difficult situation. After acceptance, the couple can begin to consider the best solutions to the problems that arise.

2. Recognize the points of discussion

Usually there are everyday situations that end up in discussion. If we are able to identify what these triggers are, then we may be able to prevent fights.

3. Assertive communication

Communication in the couple is a fundamental factor so that the relationship is solid and the love bond is reinforced. If we are able to express our emotions and feelings clearly and adequately, it will be easier for us to reach a solution together with our partner.

4. couples therapy

Attending couples therapy is an important decision that must be discussed so that both members of the relationship have the possibility of Express what the expectations are. concerns and needs. Once you agree on several basic points, it will be easier for the process to evolve properly together with the therapist.