The 4 keys to managing jealousy in a relationship

Jealousy is among the most common problems that affect dating relationships and marriages. In some cases, they make coexistence unpleasant and unnecessary arguments arise quite often. often, and in others, they give rise to true couple crises when everything "explodes" and it becomes clear that something is wrong. works. Of course, the ideal is to prevent this last situation from occurring and act quickly to prevent the bond of love and coexistence from wearing out for this reason.

In this sense, along the following lines I will explain what they are the psychological keys that must be taken into account to control and manage jealousy in relationships, as general advice to apply daily, but which do not replace couples therapy.

• Related article: "The types of jealousy and their different characteristics"

How to control jealousy in a relationship?

As I have anticipated before, the best solution to problems due to jealousy in a courtship or marriage is to attend a process of couples therapy. Through this type of psychological intervention, normally divided into several weekly sessions, both members of the relationship begin to have personalized professional support adapted to your case, in addition to a space in which communication flows better because you have the mediation of the psychologist. Now, beyond the very important resource that couples therapy entails, there are some general tips that usually help; are the following.

1. Be clear that it is not a problem shared equally

When a person is very jealous and is in a relationship, that is fundamentally a problem of this, not of his boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. The other member of the relationship may show a good predisposition when it comes to helping his partner to overcome her problem, but it is not your responsibility nor could it be expected to be implicated in the same way, and any reproach that this generates on the part of the one who suffers jealousy is in reality a form of psychological manipulation that must be avoided at all costs, as well as an extension of their behavior jealous.

After all, assuming that the other person must "collaborate" so that one is not so jealous is to demand that they adapt to those claims to control their behavior, something that not only does it not serve to resolve the situation, but it perpetuates that dynamic of jealousy and gives them legitimacy.

That said, the following tips that we will see below are intended for cases in which both people want do their part, but they do so without forgetting that the jealous person is ultimately responsible for solving the problem. issue. In addition, we will also assume that although jealousy problems have occurred, the relationship has not become one in which there is physical or psychological abuse, given that in these cases the main priority is to end the relationship and prevent further occurrences attacks.

• You may be interested: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

2. Identify and list the typical behaviors linked to jealousy

It is not enough to understand that there is a problem of jealousy: you have to know how to go beyond the abstract and specify what kind of specific behaviors this translates into. For it, it is good to write a diary together about what is happening in the relationship, taking care to do so using the most objective language possible, so that it is not a source of constant discussions. You have to write more or less brief notes in which you tell the good and the bad of what you have spent together during the day.

At the end of each day, you must identify the specific actions that are caused by jealousy, if any, and mark them in a color that you identify with that problem. Once a week, preferably on the same day and at the same time, you should look at what is written in the last seven days and review out loud those signs of jealousy, to familiarize yourself with they.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to dominate your emotions"

3. Test the fears

Jealousy often arises from the fears and insecurities with oneself experienced by those who feel that discomfort for not being able to control the other person. In this sense, it is important not to fall into the avoidance of this discomfort, since that would only serve to limit the freedom of the other member of the couple and to feed that behavior dynamic jealous. It is important that both of you are aware that you can dedicate time to your own interests and personal relationships without the need for the other to be present, and act accordingly from the beginning.

• You may be interested: "What is fear? Characteristics of this emotion"

4. Congratulate and show interest in the progress of someone who has suffered jealousy

This is a way to encourage that progress towards a good coexistence; yes indeed, such acknowledgments and congratulations should not be expressed as thanks, but as satisfaction for a process of personal development and emotional maturity from which those who are letting go of jealousy benefit.

• You may be interested: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you are interested in having individualized psychological support or for couples, I invite you to contact me.

Am Thomas Saint Cecilia, a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral model, and I offer my services both in person at my office in Madrid and through video call sessions.