Autumn: what has to end for a new beginning

In our latitudes, autumn is beginning. The days are getting shorter, the temperatures are starting to drop and the light is including a certain darkness that is not present during the summer. From gold to copper tones. Likewise, even in cities so disconnected from the countryside, it smells different. There is a little more humidity that, together with the rest of the modifications that are taking place, makes us experience a substantially different olfactory landscape.

Those of us who live in this environment are impacted by these changes. The organization of our lives is marked by them. School and professional courses begin, we change our eating and leisure habits, to mention just some of the most obvious aspects.

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A time of transition

In a deeper way, autumn is a time of transition, of border. In most of us there are aspects of our life that we question. Time to reconsider ourselves, to feel that as our life is, in certain aspects it no longer serves us, it is no longer significant.

Transitions require time, since what was present in our lives came to respond to a series of needs. Somehow, during autumn, in its deep psychological meaning, is when we consider that something that has always been present in our lives needs to stop being so. That this friendship makes me feel chained, that whoever has been my partner is someone I don't I want to continue sharing my life, that my professional life needs an important turn, are some examples.

Metaphorically, it would be during the winter when the decisions would finish maturing. However, this previous period is truly fundamental. When decisions are not preceded by this transition time, we easily return to the initial situation or great conflicts are generated with our environment, since it has not been possible to assume the new situation raised.

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The keys to a new beginning

what do we need to be open to a transition, to the possibility of being in life in a new way? For me these are some fundamental elements:

1. Perceiving that we need a change in some aspect of our life

Another possibility is to listen and let ourselves be advised by our environment when they tell us that this is so.

When we begin to feel this need for change, it is often in an unclear, ill-defined way.. It tends to be somewhat vague, which is why doubts about the legitimacy of this need for change tend to arise.

Example:

Sonia: these days, when my husband explains a problem he has, I no longer want to solve it for him. Before, I always ran to tell him what to do and now I don't feel like it anymore. I don't feel like talking to him.

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2. A certain degree of flexibility

When important aspects of our lives are questioned, we feel deeply uncomfortable. Under this pressure, when we have the necessary support, we need to flexibly adjust to unforeseen situations.

Example:

David: I don't want to go out with my usual friends anymore. I'm out for breakfast with people at work and there are two guys there - a girl and a guy - who I'd like to spend more time with. What happens is that I do not dare to ask them if they want us to stay out of work.

3. sustain uncertainty

Part of the fall process, the period leading up to making decisions that fundamentally reorient our lives, is putting into practice and strengthening our ability to sustain uncertainty. For it we need to get to know each other better and let us know the people and other resources we count on when these uncertainties inevitably appear.

Example:

Manuel: It scares me to think how my children will be when they stay with their mother if we get divorced. I know she doesn't have much patience with them. Luckily her mother, the grandmother, lives near her and will give her a hand.

Although, what really makes us dare to question our lives (before all of the above) is that we have people who, in various ways, convey to us that they support us.

Conclusion

The examples given are real situations that appear in consultation. The names and the situations themselves have been changed so they do not refer to a real person.

I wish you a good autumn.