7 problems that justify going to couples therapy

Knowing when it is time to go to couples therapy is not always easy; love relationships are always complex and offer many different interpretations of what is happening. And this is even more difficult when we do not see the situation from the outside, as someone who observes the behavior of a couple, but it is oneself who must analyze their relationship with that other person. There are many emotions and feelings involved.

However, there is a series of criteria that help us to know which situations indicate that we have significant problems in this regard, and that as a consequence we should go to therapy of couple.

During these sessions, patients learn to adopt a more neutral and objective perspective on what what happens in their relationship, so that even the ability to recognize love problems is improved. But... how can you "learn to see" those warning signs if you have never gone to couples therapy, partly precisely because you don't know that there are reasons to go to a first consultation?

In this article we will see a summary of these keys to recognize dysfunctions in the love life of a couple, which we should work with the help of a psychology professional.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Problems that are a reason to attend couples therapy

This is a summary of the main criteria to know when to go to couples therapy.

1. Jealousy is a recurring phenomenon

Jealousy never brings anything good, because they encourage a controlling attitude with respect to the life of the other person, whom we come to see as a personal resource, something to protect. So while being jealous has long been romanticized as a positive trait, you have to take it seriously when it interferes with the happiness of one of the parties involved (or both).

2. There is a lack of communication

Sometimes, with the passage of time, the mixture between the monotony of everyday life and boredom due to the lack of moments satisfactory as a couple means that you hardly talk to each other, or that communication is very concise and functional (just enough to live together). This is a serious problem, because it makes the couple's relationship be experienced as a burden, and on many occasions feelings of guilt also arise at the idea that the other is being "abandoned".

In addition, the lack of communication makes it easier for misunderstandings to arise or to mistrust the other due to the lack of moments in which to speak honestly about what one feels.

3. Constant discussions about coexistence arise

No one said that living together was easy, especially for young couples. Knowing how to assign tasks in a fair and equitable way is an ideal that many couples move away from, for various reasons: lack of custom in dedicating themselves to household chores, differences in the time available, different perceptions about what it costs to perform certain tasks, presence of resentment for past discussions, etc

• You may be interested in: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

4. There are different long-term goals

Relationships are almost always long-term projects, and that means making sacrifices and committing to the well-being and interests of the other.

But this It's something some people come across out of the blue., without expecting it at all, so they do not have time to agree on solutions that satisfy both parts because they have not even been able to stop to think about what they want and how that fits with the interests of their being loved.

5. There are insecurities and taboos in sexual life

Sexual identity is, on too many occasions, a source of insecurities and erosion of self-esteem. But it is because there is no way to express one's own tastes and preferences as they feel. Couples therapy helps a lot to establish a context in which to talk honestly about this. and come to acceptance and self-acceptance.

6. Being defensive in arguments

Arguing from time to time, but beyond the number of times you argue, which is difficult to assess objectively before going through therapy, there is a warning sign that can help to know if there is a problem in this sense: if right at the beginning of the discussion, you or your partner feel a feeling of being on the defensive, of expecting an escalation of tension and of reproaches.

7. If there is a crisis of trust due to infidelity

It must be borne in mind that infidelity does not simply consist of harassing someone with whom we do not have a loving relationship while being with someone in a loving relationship.

Infidelities are transgressions of the most basic sexual-affective commitments that shape the relationship, something that each couple establishes in their own way. In the vast majority of cases, an infidelity causes the relationship to falter (at least). But be careful, it only makes sense to go to couples therapy if you have stopped being unfaithful, and the problem is strictly based on what happened in the past.

Bibliographic references:

• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): 225–235.
• Sternberg, J. (1997). "Satisfaction in close relationships", Guilford Press.