6 ways to ruin a relationship that works

Whether we want it or not, human beings live interconnected both physically and emotionally. Neither our personality nor our actions would be the way they are if it weren't for the fact that throughout our lives we have gone through all kinds of experiences that we have shared with others.

This means that we have an almost automatic tendency to interact with others, to start conversations, to be interested in what catches the other's attention and, in many cases, to establish an affective bond with people we select. Both friendship and relationships are normal because we are essentially social animals. But that doesn't mean we're always perfectly good at maintaining those relationships.

And it is that as essentially these links have irrational foundations based on love, sympathy or affection, it is also easy to fall into traps that lead us to deteriorate the quality of that connection emotional. Accidents happen in any area of ​​life, but in the case of relationships, in addition, we are prone to not see them coming.

We run the risk of falling into one of the many ways to ruin a relationship which worked fine.

• Related article: "The 6 main types of toxic relationships"

Attitudes and actions capable of ruining a relationship

These are the main pitfalls that can turn a healthy relationship into a nightmare heading toward self-destruction.

1. Turn the relationship into a competition

Sharing something with someone means enjoying certain experiences twice, but it also means taking twice the risk that the relationship ends up breaking up. Something that at first seems like a small misstep can grow like a snowball downhill if the dynamics of the dialogue focuses on defending one's own pride above anything else, or showing that one is better than the other part.

Paradoxically, trying to give the best image possible can produce the opposite effect on the other person. if she feels that she is being undervalued or treated unworthily.

2. Deciding that commitments are no longer valid

The idea that relationships should be free can lead to rejecting those pacts that both people had respected up to now. However, in practice there is no relationship that can withstand the absence of commitments that give it shape and stability.

The reason is that the deeper a relationship is, the more we must do our part to make it have continuity and constancy, because without that there may be cases of involuntary emotional blackmail, distrust and fear of opening up to the other. If someone deserves our time and attention, the logical thing to do is to show that we value that by modifying our lives to ensure that the other will continue to be a part of it.

• Related article: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple"

3. Forget to talk about yourself

Certain forms of friendship can stand the test of time without dialogue, but in the case of deeper relationships, falling into this dynamic always leads to very negative results.

And it is that if every emotional relationship is based on certain commitments, one of the most undervalued and least talked about is the habit of simply talking.

The more withdrawn people may have gotten used to not talking about themselves to others, but when If you have a love relationship or an intimate friendship, not doing so means introducing a strong asymmetry in the relationship.

The other person may perceive that they are not valued or even not listened to (since in a dialogue the normal thing would be to make comments talking about the comparisons with one's own life), on the one hand, or that things are hidden, for the other. In short, situations can occur where what should be a deep and stimulating conversation seems more like a monologue.

4. talk only about yourself

The other side of the coin is using the relationship to have someone listen to the narrative of one's life. This, although not noticeable, gives the image that the life of the other does not matter at all, or that they are only interested in knowing their opinions about what happens to us, but not their own stories and experiences.

Of course, a relationship in which this has occurred from the beginning has already started with serious failures in its foundations, but there are times when periods of Stress causes a person who until now had a normal relationship to begin to become obsessed with what is happening to them and, as a consequence, to talk only about that.

5. Let the other make all the decisions

It may seem like a very good option to some, but giving the other the role of decision maker sets a precedent that in the long run is usually very negative. And no, it's not just because if the decision turns out to be wrong, discussions can appear.

And it is that although some people prone to indecision see a relief in the possibility of asking the other to decide for them, this dynamic does not only affect the small details of life.

Over time, getting used to one person making the decisions and the other accepting them can become an unequal power dynamic. Little by little the decisions one is in charge of are more and more important, until there comes a point where if the other disagrees, this is seen as something strange, inappropriate.

6. Trying to change the other person so that we like them more

He romantic love, this phenomenon that until not so long ago has been accepted without question in relationships, has made Many people believe that any sacrifice is good if it means making the bond that unites two people more strong.

This has many negative effects, and one of them is that we accept as normal that we try to change to please the other more, or even that the other asks us to change not because that is beneficial for oneself, but because it would generate more attraction.

It is one of the most frequent and harmful ways to ruin a relationship because, in the end, the idea that is perpetuated is that someone is owned by someone, and that virtually any sacrifice should be able to have its place in the relationship. Although at first the effects of the idealization of the other cause their defects to be concealed, in the At the moment when they come to light, we have to decide if we accept them or if they are so serious that the relationship must finish.